My dad treated me like this my whole life am i abnormal to hate him? mom thinks so?

Question

i hate my dad mayb he never abused us (unless slapping me when i was 6 mnths for not eating my food counts and getting slapped everyday even when i was like 4) but this is how my life was w/ him almost everyday.....he'd come home look for everything 'messy' in the house and yell at us pretty much everyday.............and it doesn't sound bad but u shud see him when he gets mad it's scary as **** (not as much after 15 yrs of seeing it but he still has gotten my leg to shake sometimes)

if it helps to understand all the little kids who've known him well don't like him and i HATE him sometimes i wish he was dead and can't wait till the day he dies i know mean but srry....he's gotten a lot better and does it a lot less especially after my mom left and came back (which she did for money and lonliness).......speaking of my mom i should mention how ******* passive she is she might fight back w/ him and for my and my bro sumtimes but she still lets him have full control.....even when they we

17 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

9 minutes ago

re seperated he controled her...he had to know where she was who she was w/ and it was worse than be4 and more......he controls me n my bro 2 (4 ex. i'm not allowed to spend the night at any1s house or have a social life or any freedom or any friends except these 3 ppl cuz we're related to them) he controls us in every aspect of our lives not just freedom..and it'll be the same w/ even marriage !...o and i should mention how he cheated on my mom but my mom never divorced him....my mom is very 'o i don't feel like dealing w/ it just deal with him (my name)' and makes me feel like i'm being a brat when i yell or say something back to stand up 4 myself (which i'd never do be4 out of fear and he'd start putting me on the sport)

background info: his mom is very controlling even w/ his dad & is crazy & probably treated him worse if so that's where it cums 4m if you're wondering

and on top of it all he's mr. nice guy to every1 else so they all like him even our own family who knows how

3 minutes ago

he is to us and i hate how i feel abnormal cuz even my mom & bro don't hate him as much and how all my life my whole family has been telling him how i'm so rude and mean to him (especially when he'd ask for a hug IN FRONT OF EVERY1 ELSE) and i'm sooo abnormal for hating my dad.......siiiighhhhhhh the only way i see a way out of this is to get a job in which i have to travel and move that is though if he doesn't stop me (yes he'd do it at tht age)........i don't know if i can go to a college far away cuz i'm not tht smart and screwed over last yr by being lazy which i terrible regret now

i've thought about suicide and have tried it by smelling baby powder cuz i think it said that it was fatal at the back but i don't know if i want to do that now cuz it seems really disturbing reading this......but thanks every1 who took the time to hear me vent and didn't say something weird back i appreaciate it

15 seconds ago

i posted this ? two yrs ago but i needed to vent again (did some stupid controlling thing again...this time w/ my BATHROOM & it made me feel helpless and controlled so i started to cry) and explain my whole background so ud understand..........................afte... being 6 mnths away from us hes calmed down but the controllingness hasnt gone away..............and hes still gotten a little angry sumtimes which is scary coming from him.............but im pretty sure he'll b lyk tht again cuz after a while of posting this ? my mom took me to a therapist cuz she thinks im abnormal 4 hating me (therapist said i had a rite to thank god) and she said my dad will go bak to his normal behavior...its just a matter of time..... (and lyk i said even now during his 'calm' stage hes being a b*****d)

and dont give me c**p lyk move out when ur 18 tht makes me feel a whole lot worse cuz i cant and this is why: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AvSBu_oUezp767EV.mVrV2Tsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080821185956AAxt1il

Answer 1

Wow, I just want to give you a big hug! I can't totally relate to what you are going through, but my dad was not the best either. He was married 5 times so that gives you a hint. He was very charming in public too, but not at all the same at home. I walked around on egg shells for a long time. I was so worried about making him mad. He would get mad over the stupidest things. But again, not as bad as you are describing. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but this is a temporary situation. Did you say you are 15?

Work on your grades! Ask some of your teachers about tutoring at school. Join clubs or try and find a part-time job at a nearby grocery store. Anything that keeps you out of the house more and puts you around other people. I tried to look up your answer about moving out when you are 18, but the link didn't work. My daughter is 18 and is a very average student. She didn't feel up to the whole 4 yr college thing. She is at our local community college taking a 9 month course for dental assisting. After 9 months, the program will help her find a job. Local community colleges have lots of certificate programs like this. She almost went for the EMT course (ambulance/emergency medical technician) , but was afraid of seeing people in car accidents and stuff. Anyway, my point is.....after 9 months, she will be able to get a job with a good income and she could live on her own, if she wants to.

Do you have ANY relatives that you could live with? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc...? The only other option I could see is emancipating yourself from your parents. I honestly don't know what this entails and if you then become a ward of the state and are placed in foster care or what.

I know that this seems unbearable right now because this is your life, RIGHT NOW. But again, you can control your life once you are out of your parent's house. Don't let this crush you. Don't let him ruin your life. You just keep working for your future. Talk to some school counselors! They will help you figure out what options you have for school and student loans etc. School loans don't have to be paid back until you have completed college and the counselors will also be able to help you with work programs too. If they are no help, then go to the local community college and talk to their counselors. That is what my daughter did. You can do that now. You don't have to wait until you graduate. You can also go into the Air Force. My best friend in High School had a crappy family and went into the AF after graduation. You can pick what specialty you want to go into (a non fighting specialty like a pharmacist or something) and stand your ground. Tell them that if they want you, then that is what you want. The recruiters will try and tell you, that you HAVE to do this or that, but they are only trying to fill their own quotas. You stand your ground or tell them forget it. That will usually get them to give you what you want. The military will feed you, clothe you, give you medical insurance and pay for college. I think you only have to enlist for 4 yrs.

I know that this is a stressful way to live, but please don't give up and take your life. There are so many awesome people in this world that you have yet to meet. Really really change your attitude about school. If you immerse yourself in homework and studying, you will be surprised how many doors good grades open. Don't worry about friends or anybody else who tells you can't do this or that you are a dork or something for getting good grades. This is your future we are talking about. Pump yourself up every morning and go out there and kick some History and Science ***. I guarantee you that most teachers will help you if you tell them what is going on. My 15 yr old daughter is a total nerd about school work and her teachers have been so great. Respect your teachers and open up to them and I bet they will support you any way they can. Even if school work is hard for you, If you are willing to work hard and they know what you are dealing with at home, they will help you. Everybody needs help now and then and that is their job. Good luck. Drop me a line, if you just need to vent sometime.

Answer 2

ok so that is crazy.  but i had a similar difficulty with my dad he could be a d**k also.  He never hit me or my brother but he made it impossible to live with at times i used to let it go becuase i was young there was nothing i could do but once i got into high school i basically said s***w this and when ever he snaped at me over something like watching tv or something i would snap back and that caused more difficulties between me and my dad but i learned the deserving times to the really dont mess with him times and it worked out.  One day i decided to write a letter to my dad and i found the song called perfect by Simple Plan and at times i hated my dad but i figured it out after he read the letter he appologized to me. Maybe you should just try writing a letter to him or explaining it to him calmly. Try and figure out where hes comming from you might be surprised. Oh and the whole college thing is you can go to a community college and be far away maybe the distance would help it might make you happier GOOD LUCK