My daugher has been chatting with a 31 year old man?

Question

I logged into my 15 y/o daughter's face book site (don't judge me...) and found out that she has been exchanging messages with a man who openly admits to being 31 years old, to which she responded it was "cool" that he uses face book. She has also posted suggestive pictures that are commented on by boys/men. What should I do?

Answer 1

I would talk to her about internet saftey and if this contenues delete it, until she can prove she is responsible and knows how to be safe. Any 30 year old man talking to a 15 year old has some problems and is messed up. She will hate you for it now but block:

my space

Facebook

Zanga

and vtunnel (lets you get to blocked sites)

Answer 2

well you should just ask her about it no chalantly so that she won't think that you've been snooping around. if she thinks you did that, that'll push you away farther from getting a real answer. Try not to make it like shes under pressure, she'll tell you in given time.

Answer 3

Report him to the authorities. He is a loser and you already know it. what is she "chatting" about anyway? what on earth would a 31 year old be talking to a 15 year old stranger about unless it was no good.

Suggestive photos?? Hmmmmmm......

Hey all you goobers telling her to mind her own business... her 15 year old and her safety IS her business. She's the mommy, duh!!!!!

Answer 4

First of all notify the police. Secondly cut off her access to a computer. You have to be a parent. Posting suggestive photos? Obviously she does not realize the consequences of her actions. I am  teacher, I know of a young lady that just finished college was ready for a job as a teacher "suggestive photos"  of her were  discovered on the net , she's still looking for a job. Photos on the net are on the net forever.

Regarding this 31 yo "man", you need to nip this connection in the bud, he'll talk her into meeting him and then we'll be seeing your daughters story on the 6 o'clock news. This is very, very dangerous. There are predators on these sites looking. Obviously ,one found your daughter. Be a PARENT and protect your daughter. She'll hate you for it, so what? Love your daughter enough to make her hate you for protecting her.

Answer 5

lots of teens do this but talk to her she probably should not be talking to this guy

Answer 6

ASK her where she met him.

I had friends older than THAT when I was 15 because I met them on an online philosophy discussion group. There was nothing weird about it, we just discussed various topics.

I'm serious. ASK HER where they met. ASK HER to explain why she talks to the person, get some information before you fly off the handle. :)

Answer 7

Confront her about it! Ask her why she would be talking to a 31 year old, and showing "suggestive" pics of herself. And then I would get her butt over to the computer and delete her Facebook and Myspace (if she has it) account.

Answer 8

Facebook pictures like that are completley normal but her chatting with a 31 year old is not. He could have other plans. You can terminate her facebook account, in other words, delete it so she cannot get on.

Answer 9

lol...

and your daughter still has access to a computer WHY?

Answer 10

she sounds like she is being the average fifteen year old .....  you should openly talk to her and say that you saw some suggestive photos on her facebook and ask her why she choose to put those for the whole world to see .....when i was that age i did the same thing and my mom sart me down and calmly talked to me i respected that it bothered her and stopped putting pics like that up and it brought me annd my mom closer together

Answer 11

Get her a chastity belt and lock her in her room..

Answer 12

One, I'm not judging you -- I'm APPLAUDING you for taking steps to make sure your daughter is safe.  Obviously, she has broken trust, too, by posting those pictures and actively engaging in unsafe internet practices.

I think it's reasonable that she should only have internet privileges UNDER SUPERVISION for a while.   (You probably need to install a "net nanny" sort of program, to help you monitor her usage.)  You need to have a talk with her regarding internet safety and self-respect, take those pictures down from her Facebook account, delete this man as a "friend", and from now on, she can't use Facebook or MySpace, etc., without being supervised.

I would say "no computer, period", but frankly, that's not really practical anymore, and she'd just use a friend's computer, anyway, or resort to cell phone usage, which is harder to monitor. But that's the price she's going to have to pay to a) earn her computer privileges back and b) earn back your trust.

Answer 13

Oh for God's sake! Who is the parent here? If you can't control the computer why did you buy her one? You both need to go to counseling and soon.

Answer 14

thats completley inappropriate of her! you should def. ban computer time from her

Answer 15

dude no offense but nothing really bad happens. if she's smart she'd just maybe talk to him and show pics but never really promises to meet anywhere its fine...and geez id hate to have a mom like you, logging in without permisson [im guessing] thats nosy.

Answer 16

make her get rid of her face book because she's lost your trust!

Answer 17

You should send a message to the man and alert him that he has been communicating with a 15 year old girl, but unless he has done something wrong (sending inappropriate messages/pictures) then there is nothing more you can do as far as he goes.  Do tell him that you wish him to cease all contact with your daughter, though.

As for your daughter, I think that you should delete the inappropriate pictures, and instead of deleting the Facebook site, change the message to say that your daughter is no longer allowed access to the internet because of her age and actions (posting the pictures, communicating with older men, etc.).  

I would back that up by NOT allowing her access to the computer/internet without your direct supervision.

Children-which she is, whether she admits it or not-have no idea the danger they can get themselves into.  A seemingly innocent chat with people that they think are their age can lead to a stalker at their door.  They mention their team mascot, or any other trivial detail, and then another and a stalker can find their location with just a few of them and know "Hey, she hangs out at the mall on Friday nights in X city".

I hope this helps, and wish you the best!

Answer 18

Tough one, I know.  I have an almost 15 yr old, too.  

First, I'd write the guy myself.  I'd be clear and direct that he's a horndog and should stop.  If he doesn't, I'd tell him I'd track him down like the dog he is.

I'd also talk with her.  She probably thinks it's harmless.  She could be right (in this instance), but that's not he point.  The point (for all teens, eh?) is whether they think clearly about things when they DON'T turn out right.

If it were me, I'd use it as a great opportunity to talk...about everythingt...from dating, to s*x, to internet, to what are your friends doing, how do you feel about that, peer peressure, etc.  I'd bring up every possible "hypothetical", talk through feelings, what-would-you-do-ifs, etc.

It could lead to some great insights, hers and yours.  It can also create a wonderful bond, simply by talking.  By putting things in the "hypothetical", you can explore topics without being accusatory and help her learn to think thru possible consequences.

Good luck to you dear.

Answer 19

You should talk to her about online safety. Tell her that if she isn't careful, something bad might happen if she gives away your address, phone number, etc.

As much for the pictures, she's just asking to be raped in my view. Talk to her about those, and take away privilages for about two weeks.

Answer 20

Sounds like your daughter needs her computer privalages taken away. i know that may sound harsh, but serisouly the older the men get the worse the situation could be. He's 31 years old, and wiht suggestive pictures and her being a minor, that verges on slight pediphlie in my opinon. Does she have a computer in her room? Becasue if she does no matter what you do (i.e delete her face book, or take her privalages away) she's just going to sneak on any way becasue she'll think you're being unreasonable. It's a tricky situation, with a tricky age they want to be more"mature" and seek out ways to act like it. Maybe you could sit her down and have a calm discussion about why it's not ok to talk to 31 year old men and why it is defiantely not ok for a 15 year old to post suggestive pictures of herself on the internet

Answer 21

Talking to a 31 one year old ,an is not nessasarily dangerious depending on the topics they chat about. Posting suggestive pitures is totally undafe

Answer 22

First of all... I commend you for finding out what your teen is doing. Those who would condemn you for "invasion of privacy" hasn't raised teens!

First of all, I would confront her with this. I would have her take off the pictures!

Then I would then ground her from the Internet for (however you feel comfortable). I would inform her that just because she feels older, she isn't and when she is 18 if she wants to act like that, fine, but until then, YOU are her mother and the one responsible for her and you will not have her acting like she wants to be a "loose goose" and get herself into trouble. I would get her on birth control (if she isn't already) as she is definitely starting to be sexually aroused (don't let people tell you, birth control only tells the kids its OK) this is not true, I am a certified s*x ED (that raised 5 kids). teacher and this has not proved to be the case, but has saved MANY a young girl from ruining her lifes!

Then I would write this 31 year old and tell him, you are the mother and your daughter is only 15 and for him to stop writing or you will report him.

Then continue the good parenting....when she is out of high school into college or married successfully, you can say Whew.....and know it was a job well done!!

Answer 23

delete her profile

Answer 24

Leave her be you nosy parker!

Answer 25

Has your daughter done anything that has made you not trust her because it really is an invasion of privacy to log onto her facebook page without her knowing.Before you can confront her about the other stuff you will have to explain why you betrayed her trust like that.You probably won't take responsibility for it because you plainly said "don't judge me". If I were in her position I would have lost so much respect for you that I wouldn't listen to anything you have to say.

Answer 26

make her delete her facebook

yell at her