My daughter's friend died today, my daughter is 3, how do I make her understand?

Question

My daughter is 3 years old and the friend was killed in an ATV accident. How would I make her understand without making her to upset about it?

Answer 1

My daughter and I were living with my parents when my daughter turned 3.  One week later my Mom died unexpectantly of a heart attack.  My daughter was home alone with her.  The paramedics had to take her to the neighbor's house until I got home.

As far as how I explained it to her, it was soooo hard.  At first I kept it very simple and told her that Grandma had gotten very sick and the doctor couldn't make her better so she went to heaven to be with God and the angels.  As she got older, we talked in more detail to her.  Each time we could add more.  She's 5 now and knows that Grandma had a heart attack and died.  She knows about God and heaven and that Grandma is in a better place and when we die we will be with her again in heaven.

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you the best in explaining this very difficult subject to your little one.

Answer 2

just tell her her friend has gone for a holiday, she will forget her after sometime. she is too small to expose her to death.

Answer 3

the same thng happened to my family my daughter was the same age when her best friend died. i explained to her that god had to take her but one day you'll see her again when god takes you. she was a little confused . but over time we talked about it more and more as she got older.but now you need to explain it in as simple terms as you can.

im sorry for your loss and i wish the best for your family and hers

Answer 4

I dont think you can make her understand she is 3. Right now her daily activities consist of learning about her self. She is to young to be exposed to death. I would not lie but it is one of those gray areas dont give her any more information then she needs to know. Just explain it in simple terms. To much info could cause her to have nightmares. And not all children at this age understand heaven. Just say to her that sometimes there is no reason why things happen and it is ok to be sad but there was a accident and (friend) got hert. let her ask you what happened. Then answer with she was on a outing with her family and they did every thing that they could but she had gotten an owee that was very big. So she cant play anymore but we cant be upset with her.She will always be your friend and you can still talk to her with your heart  she is gone from us and her family.  she loves you and give her a picture of the (friend) and tell her when ever she misses her to hug it.And if she ask were did she go then tell her and refer to a star and just say that she is in the sky shining bright and we can see her every night. You dont ever want to say she feel asleep or that one day you will see her agian. At this age she might think that if she goes to sleep she might not wake up. And by saying you will see her agian she may think bye getting an owee she might be gone to.These are things she will understand later. I suggest keeping her mind on other things. And dont expose her to alot of upset family members it could cause tramatic stress to her and you. Good luck and remember she is only 3 talk on her level.

Answer 5

Tell her that she is needed up in the sky to help the angels. Say that she will be gone forever but if she ever wants to talk about her, you can remember the fun times.

Answer 6

hmmm

depends how often they saw each other.

if it was every day, then she will notice her missing fairly soon

if it was only every few weeks, then it might be best just not to mention it.

but if they were good mates, you will have to tell her something.

either the truth. something bad happened and she got broken and couldn't be mended. (that was the only thing my son understood when our cat was killed)

or a white lie. she's moved away or gone to stay with people somewhere else.

i would not say much unless she is asking questions all the time. if she asks, then choose what you are going to tell her and stick with it.

Answer 7

Being upset over death is a fact of life.  No one no matter what age is going to be happy hearing the news.  Keep it brief, she won't understand the full impact of death this early on, but it's a good way to start teaching her.  Don't ever tell her, her friend is just sleeping, as it may frighten her not to sleep because then she took would be afraid she wouldn't wake up.  If you are particularly religious that too can come into play, you can talk about Heaven and things like that to comfort her.  If not you can simply explain that sometimes when people get hurt too badly that sometimes they just can't be hereon Earth anymore and that it's the way of nature.  If she doesn't really ask about it, you don't really have to talk too indept about it.

Answer 8

Call your pediatrician and ask for advice.  They may recommend a book that can help, and correct ways of making her understand.  There are a lot of wrong ways to tell her, that may make her afraid.  Your Dr. can help you.  GL

Answer 9

I had the same thing happen to me...

Ask her if she knows how people die and go to heaven to be with god.

If she does... then...

Be like you remember "name" right...

Well he/she died today on a ATV... Show her pictures of a ATV if she doesnt know..

Be like she is with God...And she is save.

And tell her she will be able to play with her again one day.

Answer 10

im not sure you can tell her and not make her upset. being upset is how we deal with thing esp of this nature.

Tell her that her friend '---' was in a accident and that she got very badly hurt so the angles came and took her away so she didnt feel any pain or anything. Explain to her that she is in a beautiful place with angels and the other people who have died that love her, and that at night something angels come back down to earth and if she feels sad or lonely or misses her friend then she should try to talk to the angles and they will give the message to her friend.

Make it seem all soft and pink and fluffy and peaceful and friendly so its not so hard... ask her to draw a picture of what she thinks heaven is like and stuff like that. Make her think that there is a way that she can still 'talk' to her friend but that her friend can't talk to her.

good luck it really is a horrible thing for her and you to deal with.

Answer 11

my parents told me my bestfriend died at age 3 im 17 now and im scared of death beacuse of what they told me

you should say they moved of somthing like that

Answer 12

My friends little boy passed away only 9 months and my daughter was asking where he was, the one thing i make sure is not to tell the kids too much as you dont want them having to worry about things like dying at their age, i use a phrase called the sky god meaning that god has taken them up to be in the sky with the stars and if you have someone such as a grandparent that has passes tell your child they are with them. hope this helps