My daughter's teacher is really close with her. should i be concerned?

Question

this day in age you see so much on the news. also im a really cautious and overprotective parent so want to be sure im not overreacting. im concerned about my 5yr old daughter's relationship with her kindergarten teacher, its obvious she is the teacher's pet. my daughter is a smart and loving child that is wise beyond her yrs. her teacher allows her to do different work than the other kids. she gives my her treats and things like candy and cake when the other kids get nothing. i became really concerned when i learned she has pictures of my daughter in her cell phone(innocent ones). this seems inappropriate. she tells my daughter she loves her and she's her favorite student. my daughter told me today that she scratches her teacher's back(the teacher had a jacket on). these are a few of the things that bother me. ive taught my daughter about right from wrong and what is acceptable behavior for an adult and child. am i being too cautious? does this seem weird to anyone else?

Answer 1

That just doesn't sound right. I would get her in another class and inform the principal or school director.

Answer 2

I had a teacher that treated me the same way only to later invite me to her house and make a sexual pass at me Please do your daughter a favor a take her out that class females are as bad as males

Answer 3

As a teacher, I have had problems with this on occasion, and I've heard of it with other teachers as well.  Two things should happen: you should have a talk with your daughter -- she clearly enjoys the attention -- let her know that you don't think it's ok to be giving the teacher back rubs.  

More importantly, you should talk to the teacher.  When I started reading this, my first first reaction was worry, but when you mentioned that the teacher is also female, that lessened.  A male teacher of any age should know that any of this sort of favoritism is dangerously inappropriate, but a young female teacher may simply not understand the boundary issues involved with things like pulling out loose teeth, and issues like giving treats exclusively to your daughter may be an effort to reward her for what the teacher perceives as good behavior.

  You should make an appointment for a conference as soon as is convenient for you, and talk to her about the issues which make you uncomfortable.  I think that going over her head at this stage may be a bit more punitive than is warranted, although I do think you should reserve the right to do so if things continue, and express that intention if she is resistant when you speak to her.  Although her actions are inappropriate, and a bit unfair to the other students, nothing that you mentioned is beyond the pale.

Answer 4

I am a kindergarten teacher and I understand your concern. The teacher is not acting as a professional. I have noticed that many kiddos become attached. They are very loving at this age. But, if you feel this worried you really should talk to the teacher and explain to her that your daughter doesn't need extra treatment. I think an email would be the best.

I make it a point NOT to have favorites. I dont like any of my students to feel left out or not loved.

Answer 5

I think you're right to be concerned, but I wonder what effect the circumstances might have on your daughter in the future when excellent behavior is not rewarded.

A term that sometimes comes up is "professional distance," but I wouldn't trust a kindergarten teacher who said she's paid to teach, not to care.

Answer 6

I think that u sould spy on them but I think its cute your little  girl  sounds os cute but i think that they are firends ask your daughter dose your teacher do things to u but dont scare her .  :-)

Answer 7

It does seem a little weird. I mean, your daughter is only five. She doesn't truly understand what's going on, but I guarantee if something she didn't like happened she would understand. Try sitting in on her classes for a day if possible-or even a parent teacher conference. The teacher may just adore your daughter!

Answer 8

I had a first grade teacher that was very similar to this with me. She sat me on her lap constantly, gave me lolly pops and gum (no other kids), told everyone I was her favorite and gushed to other teachers that she wanted to adopt me. She wasn't perverted but now that I look back I can see that it may have made other kids feel bad. I felt special, though and i loved this teacher. She spent extra time teaching me to get ahead with reading and bought me birthday gifts and called home when I was sick. LOL A little obsessed.

Go with your gut- but also, maybe this teacher is drawn to something in your daughter that she just loves.

Answer 9

it is probably nothing. Teachers do have favourites. Many take photos of kids but if you don't like it then just tell her

Answer 10

This sounds really unprofessional on behalf of the teacher. It does not seem to 'suss' as the teacher is obviously really open about her affection for your child, and if the teacher was doing something abusive, she would probably be hiding it a little better!

However, it is very unprofessional to have obvious favourites. I'd talk to the teacher, and just say that you don't think it is healthy for your child to recieve so much more attention than the other students. Tell her that you don't want your child recieving treats unless all kids are getting them. Make it very clear that you would like your child to be treated like the other children are. Then if the innappropriateness continues, take it further (eg, to the principal).

I would also just keep an eye on any warning signs that something worse is going on. Without putting any ideas into her head, ask your child if she plays any special games with the teacher that other children don't play, and then ask her what the games are. Ask her if the teacher gives her a special cuddle, and then ask her to show you how the teacher cuddles her.

Don't ever worry about being too cautious - you know your daughter, and you should trust your instinct.

Answer 11

personally I dont think its wierd , I mean her and her teacher could be really good friends and she probably thinks your daughter is cute in the innocent way like having a kid of her own :)

Answer 12

Yes, I think that your gut reaction to this is correct.  The things this teacher is doing for and with your daughter verge on obsessive - some might even consider it obsessive.  They definitely deviate from the "normal"  teacher / student relationship.  I would suggest discussing it with the teacher.  Tell her examples of the behaviors that make you uncomfortable and tell her that you are not upset, but are worried that she is setting your daughter up to believe that all teachers will show her favoritism as she has.  (Which she is - and this may be extremely difficult for her next year when she is not the 'favorite' and then she will be confused. Possibly even deeply frustrated.)  Have another person (friend, hubby, etc.) with you at the meeting.  Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 13

sorry but is this a joke

Answer 14

That is a little odd. Go with your gut instinct on this one, it's usually the right one.

How old is this teacher? Maybe sh's new to the school system and needs to be spoken to by a supervisor about student-teacher relationships.

Answer 15

It is not weird at all.

It is out of bounds.

Let the principal know immediately and remove your child from this class.

Answer 16

My 7 year old brother used to get attached in a way to his teacher when he was 5 and we were concearned as well. We think it may be because for once, he feels secure with an adult that he isnt related to, and therefore tries to impress. But were not totally sure. I do find it odd that the teacher gives so many treats and rewards though. You say that your child is smart and well-behaved, so I dont think that the teacher is simply rewarding your child for doing something significant.

I think you should stay concerned for your daughter, but maybe wait for one more sign. Then maybe take it up with a school counselor. Good luck!

Answer 17

Well i understand what u are saying..but u might wont to keep a close eye on it...but also the teacher can not give your child anything to eat like candy or cake ect. like that with out your primition...and u might wont to bring it to ur teacher attention about y dont the other childern get anythin ect... but yea if u were you i would keep and eye on that.

Answer 18

put a restraining order or sumtin like dat. that teacher might molest her!!!! omfg get her away from ur daughter

Answer 19

Your daughter's teacher is defintly overstepping her boundaries. She should not be telling your daughter she "loves her", she should not be allowing your daughter to scratch her back, she should not be having pictures of your daugter in her cell phone. If that was me I would be marching over to the school and setting the teacher straight on boundaries. And if I were you I would put the teacher on notice you will be discussing this with her superiors, that alone will hopefully scare her straight. Is she a pedophile? Possibly, but I'm not certain. It sounds more like she isnt' a mother and has devleoped an emotiaonally maternal attachment to this child and has motherly feelings towards your daughter, either way this behaviour on the teacher's part must stop.

Answer 20

This sounds a bit more than acceptable.  A talk with the school principal might do the trick but you don't want your daughter to be penalized because of the teacher's reprimand. You should talk to someone to make sure that from now on your daughter refuses any special treatment/treats from this teacher.

Answer 21

Wow! Seems like your stuck between a rock and a hard place here!!!!! Your concerns are definately valid. In my opinion, you should request a meeting with the teacher (just you and her). During the meeting, bring up all of your concerns. Explain to her your fears as well as boundaries you would like not to be crossed. I,e. NO teeth pulling, picture taking, back rubbing, or giving goodies without parental permission. Explain to the teacher that these things make you very uncomfortable. It very well may be SHE is the naieve one. BEFORE you go, write an outline with all things you want covered that would make you more comfortable with the relationship.

It very well may be that you did a WONDERFUL job as a parent in raising a friendly, well-rounded child with a passion for learning and your child's teacher appreciates her. But as her parent, it is your right AND responsibility to set firm boundaries and let them be known.

I think a simple discussion would ease your fears and tension.

If the problems continue after this meeting, bring it up to her immediate superior or file a complaint.

As a child, I was ALWAYS close with my teachers. Mainly because they were so full of information, I was completely captivated!

Answer 22

If you decide to talk to the teacher, there is a way to handle it without putting her on the offense.  Tell her you are afraid other children will single your daughter out for teasing ("teacher's pet") and the like because they have noticed this special treatment and that if it is done in secret, it will make your daughter feel guilty, so she needs to be treated just like everyone else.

Answer 23

Absolutely not. You are not over reacting this teacher has some problems that need to be worked out. First explain that you do not want your daughter getting "special" treats she is as much a part of the class as every other student and needs to be treated the same. Also you do not appreciate your daughter becoming her personal servant so you would like the back scratches to STOP. And for right now the last thing is you want all of the picture of your daughter deleted from her phone. You do not approve of that and think that the teacher and student relationship does not involve her showing your daughters picture to her friends. I feel that if this problem is not fixed she will need to be moved to another class this is really inappropriate. You also may need to talk to the principal.

Answer 24

there are some boundaries issues.  bring the information up to the teacher.  if you notice any problems as a result, talk to the principal.

Answer 25

Yes, that is a little weird- idk, its kinda freaky to me. get ur kid away from this teacher.