My daughter and my friend's son had sexual intercourse. How should I handle this?

Question

Recently, my daughter informed me that she had sexual intercourse for the first time with my friend's son. Both are 19 years old, still living at home, but are not dating or even considering it. My daughter knew it was casual & isn't at all hurt by the experience. However, I am very worried because I am not sure that my friend is aware or cares about her son being sexually active; not only with my daughter, but with other girls. My daughter is not on birth control, but whether the boy’s condom was used properly, I fear she still might get pregnant or contract a disease. I cannot bear anymore to continue my relationship with my friend knowing what our kids have done. I don't even want her son near my daughter. I wish to tell my friend what happened so she may know why I cannot speak to her, but I also want her to be aware of the seriousness of her son's overly-casual outlook on s*x so that he won't get himself in trouble. Is this the right way to approach the situation or is there a better alternative?

Answer 1

you are in a state of shock. relax. you shouldnt hold a grudge against your friend, i bet shes just as frightened and you certainly should talk to her. you both are going through the same things so together you can get through it and together learn to accept that both your children are growing up. you need each other and you should be happy your daughter loves you enough to tell you what shes done. good luck with life and god bless.

Answer 2

They are both of consenting age, you have no say so whether or not they see each other or not. I would talk to your friend and let her know what is going on, but ONLY mention what happened between your teenagers and leave out the rest.

Answer 3

This will not be the only time. s*x has got them. She will get pregnent. You will be a grandmother. They are both living at home so hit this one straight on. They are too young in life experience to "have" casual s*x. Emotions are involved now. They like it. You got to get that. Get some support. Don't beat yourself up for the past conversations that may not have occured.

Answer 4

They are adults, they are 19 years old it is their choice it they want to have s*x.  

Answer 5

she is 19 if she wants to have s*x she can she is an adult the only thing you can do is inform her to be safe when having s*x condoms and birth control. I don't understand the problem.

Answer 6

You should talk to your friend.  If your kids are 19 then they are adults and it's not your business or your friends.  I'm not trying to be harsh, but you are lucky your daughter told you at all.  I know it's hard not to worry, but she is a grown woman and he is a grown man and their relationship or the lack of one has nothing to do with your friendships.

Answer 7

The best way to approach the situation is to not say anything to your friend. For one thing, they are adults. Granted, they may have acted carelessly, but it's still their choice. You should tread lightly with this situation. There isn't much you can say. All you can do is hope and pray that the morals and values you've taught your child will guide her down the right path. It might be a different situation if her son tricked or raped her, but since it was consensual s*x, why blame your friend for her sons actions? What good do you think will come of "ratting" him out? He's well past the age of sitting down and explaining the birds and the bees. Also, try and look at it this way. How would you feel if someone cut off ties with you because of something your ADULT daughter did? I bet it wouldn't make you feel too good.  

Answer 8

Mom, your baby girl has blossomed into a one nite stand woman.

she is an adult now,nothing you can do.