My daughter came back from her dad on sunday and has started having nightmares?

Question

im 19 and my ex bf is 22 we have a 3yr old daughter she goes 2 her dads every friday till sunday when i picked her up at 7 she was really quiet that night when i put her to bed she didnt want me 2 leave so i lied next to her in my bed till she fell asleep.

I got woken up 3.30am with my daughter screaming has been going on since sunday i asked my ex when he came round today he told me she was fine she wouldnt go near her dad today she told me she was a bad daddy but i dont know anything else what could be wrong, she isnt sleeping properly and wont even go near my dad has he abused her im really scared as she never been like this before please help me

Answer 1

try and gently coax it out of her.tell her her body is hers and nobody must touch certain area of it except her or you if you are bathing her.also make it very clear to her that she must not keep secrets and if anyone does something to her she must tell you.tell her she will not get into trouble for telling the truth.maybe he has shouted at her for some reason.i must admit like you i too would be worried by her behaviour i really hope its nothing to worry about.

Answer 2

somethings obviously happened but dont jump to conclusions too quickly

see if she will draw some pictures of what they did over the weekend-it may throw some light on what actually happened as she explains to you what she has drawn

it could be as simple as she got told off

Answer 3

do not send to him until the problem is solve unless under your supervision and for just a meeting

Answer 4

Ask her gently ..also ask her father .

Answer 5

ask her, and also then take her to the docs or pediatrician.

Answer 6

Whoa..that's a huge conclusion to leap to. No one here knows why she is upset..take her to the doctor's, and assume nothing until then.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I wouldnt jump to conclusions just yet (But i fully understand why you have, Its a parents worst nightmare) If you cant manage to get it out of her, What has happened. Ask her to draw you a picture, Or maybe ask your mum or a close female friend to talk to her.

Explain whatever it is, She isnt in trouble even if she did something naughty, It may well just be her daddy has told her off about something, Kids can be very emotional.

Answer 8

That sounds so sad but i don't think its our position to judge whether your ex has abused your child. I think you need to ask your daughter some questions without her getting too upset. I really hope you manage to sort this x

Answer 9

take her to her doctor right away make a emergency appt..if something did happen you can get proof if you have her examined right away.

Answer 10

>>>im 19 and my ex bf is 22 we have a 3yr old daughter

>>>she didnt want me 2 leave so i lied next to her in my bed till she fell asleep.

Firstly I must say your level of commitment to your child at your age is totally wonderful, Im not generalising but I've seen and know so many mothers that dont know anything about their child's emotions - well done for picking up on this. Its not my place to say this but I just think this is wonderful.

This happened to me with my dad - he was and probably still is involved in something - idk what but when i was a child i would too stay at his house, which i hated for some reason. When I arrived back I was very into myself, quiet and shy - unusually because I was always boisterous as a child. But my mother never questioned it (stupidly). This is why I commend you. Don’t let your child loose her innocence.    

Sadly there is always that possiblity but it could be something else. The good thing is she can speck, sometimes these things happen and they cant tell you (my goodness-its terrible). Do ask her and be Very subtly about the language and such. Erm the second thing that could have happened is she may have seen him do something bad to someone else.

Then there's the third - People carry their own spirit around (good or bad) its just like an extention of that person. Its hard to explain if your not religious but do please try to understand. The types of activties your involved in will naturally effect your spirit. He may be involved in things which are not 'the norm' shall we say, like you know drugs or whatever things we assoicated with when we think of a bad person.

As a baby you are born with a spirt which is pure, which stays that way until you are old enough to make choices and choose what you get into - dating boys or just hanging out with friends? You do see which one shapes the type of spirit you'll have. So what im saying is your daughter may have been exposed to your boyfriends way of life - which could be anything - unless you lot are tight.

This is getting very long, and you may have aleady stopped reading when i started talking about spiritual stuff but if you want to ask any questions i dont mind. but my last and most important advice would be go and see a pastor and explain

Answer 11

ask her...

"has your daddy ever done something to you that you didnt like?"

It sounds corny but i would take it in that direction and until i knew what happend my daughter wouldnt be around him w/o some one else around

or maybe something else.. maybe he yelled at her

or something like that.

get her checked out

I know they say dont think the worst but its hard

Answer 12

ask her about it

like if he did something bad to her

Answer 13

It may just be a coincidence that she had the nightmare the evening after returning from her fathers house. Also, this reaction to her dad might be due to the nightmare as opposed to anything he has actually done to her.

If you're really worried that he may have harmed her in some way, talk to your daughter, make sure she's in a comfortable environment, and don't force her to speak to you, just try and find out what she did when she was at her dads.

Hope that helps.

Answer 14

I would ask her why she thinks her dad is a bad dad. Then ask more questions from there, but don't imply anything. Also let her know that you are there to keep her safe and you want to help. Tell her that she can tell you anything and you wont get mad and you will always love her no matter what. If she tells you something bad don't her upset with her in the room. If you do she may not tell more info.

Good Luck!

Answer 15

Take her to councelling they have methods to get it out of children maybe buy the book by cathy glass called damaged as she fostered a child named Jody and she was similar and it has a blog at the end maybe you could ask her for advice until you could see the counceller

good luck.

p.s let her sleep in ur bed, but make sure her back is to you that way she will feel as if no one is going to grab her from behind and if you need to get out of bed place a teddy or pillow in your place

Answer 16

Hello... he abused her... Take to the doctor and don't let her go back to her dads. Kids aren't stupid, sometimes parents are.

Answer 17

Get her alone and reserve a long time to be alone with her. If I were you I would say very early in the morning 'What happened when you were with daddy?' She probably won't tell you then and there but will put in into her mind to think of the words she has to say. I would also get a camcorder to record her so that you can catch what she says on tape for evidence. Don't take her to the GP because she will probably just feel intimidated. She needs to be with you, you're her best friend and she needs to talk to you. He is a young father and probably lost his temper, you would probably see signs of abuse if she sexually attacked, such as redness etc. All best wishes for yourself and your daughter.

Answer 18

So sorry for your pain, there are no words that can console you.

It could have been something he said, yelled at her, fought with his new gf, anything.  Do not automatically think the worst.

Get some professional help, if you cannot get information from her.  Call a social worker, if funds are tight.

Good Luck

Answer 19

he probably has, try to coax out the answer from your daughter and the look into restraining orders

Answer 20

I would try talking to her before jumping to any conclusions. It could be that something has happened between him and his girlfriend rather than it being anything he has done to your daughter. I have seen situations where a child has told the teachers at school about her "bad mummy/daddy" and it turns out the dad has hit the mum or visa versa or some swearing or just that the child has accidently seen something inappropriate going on between them! (I'm sure you catch my drift) Of course that's not to say he definitely hasn't abused her in some way, I'm just saying you must be careful not to lead yourself to that conclusion without having the full picture.

Try to ask your child what the nighgtmare is about and why she doesn't want to see daddy. Explain that she is not in trouble but that you would like to know if anything bad has happened so you can put it right. Emphasise that if she opens up to you you will be able to put it right together, but don't make the suggestion that you will "keep daddy away" unless she herself brings it up. Even in this situation some children will still shy away from revealing anything if they think it means permenantly never seeing a parent again. If she won't talk about it see if she will draw or perhaps role play it with dolls. Don't lead the play just watch what she does with it. If nothing emerges (obviously try these things asap) then do take her to a professional for advice as a matter of urgence (ie. don't wait weeks to get a doctors appointment, insist it's an emergency). I really hope everything works out as situations like this can be very scary.

Answer 21

try to ask her in a round about kind of way.  maybe get a baby doll and talk to her.  ask her if anyone has touched her private area and that she can always tell you.  i know it's hard sometimes to communicate with a three year old.  but don't bombard her with questions.  be patient and show her lots of love.  make an appointment with the pediatrician just to be safe.

Answer 22

Get her to your gp asap things dont happen for no reason

Answer 23

wow. i think he might have raped her. take her to the doctors ASAP

Answer 24

I'm a little confused.  You said she "won't even go near my dad has he abused her . . . "

Did you mean YOUR father abused her?  If so, this child should be in counseling and your father should be prosecuted.

If you meant HER father (which you probably did), then I think the suggestions to take her to a pediatrician immediately are right on.  Once you have good information you can decide what to do next.  If it turns out that she was abused, please be sure that she gets mental health counseling as this can effect her the rest of her life.

Be careful of how you question her.  Your ex could get out of any criminal consequences if the court thinks your daughter was coached or that you led her into what to say.

Answer 25

may be she watched something scary on the TV at his house, or may be he yelled at her or smacked her? call your Health visitor today and explain the situation, she will tell you what to do next. Hope she's ok.

Answer 26

I would take her in to see your pediatrician immediately.  Do not wait!!  If something has happened to her, you want to know immediately before his visitation rolls around again.  You need to figure out what is going on right now.

Answer 27

sweetie I dont mean to alarm you, but that definitely sounds like sexual abuse. If she wont talk to you, which most of the time a 3 y/o wont b/c they dont even know whats going on. Take her to the doctors, I assume he has visitation? you need to take her to the doctors asap for an exam, and see if there is any signs of sexual abuse, if so you need to call the police and stop visits with dad right away