My daughter completly went against me?

Question

my daughter already has over 10 pets and she asked for another one. We said no as she's not responsible enough to take care of all of the ones she has now and we end up taking care of them. She went to a pet store and stole a pet putting it under our hat and when caught she ran! We ended up getting th police dropping her off and us paying $200 fee to the store. She is 12 years old. What would be an appropriate punishment?

Answer 1

You are dealing with a few different issues.

1)  She defied you.

2)  She stole from the store.

3)  She is not exercising adequate responsibility for her pets.

4)  You have an attachment to her pets.

5)  She cost you a $200 fine.

How do you deal with each of these issue?  I am going to express my opinions and thoughts and take from it what you like.

If my daughters had defied me or stole, I would give them proper spankings.  At 12, your daughter is not too old.  A proper spanking means panties down and lots of crying.  I usually use my hand to spank but defiance gets a leather sandal or a paddle.  Stealing is just as bad.

There would be no question about returning the stolen pet.  If the store will not take it back, then give it away to a children's hospital or charity.  Nursing homes also often accept pet donations.  

I know it is difficult to give away beloved pets.  I have some myself.  My 1st inclination is to give some of the other pets away if she cannot take care of them but I cannot suggest that you be cruel to your daughter.  She needs to be punished not crushed.

She needs to repay the $200.  Perhaps she can do chores to earn the money or lose her allowance.  

I suspect that either the court or social services may have sanctions planned for your daughter as well.  Usually those sanctions are community service and education.  Sometimes it means counseling.  However you punish her, it should be in addition to what the court orders.  Double jeopardy does not prevent responsible parenting.

Answer 2

I suggest that you punish your daughter by not giving her any money or help with anything unless it is school related.  Also I think since she loves animals so much you get her a job cleaning pet cages where she doesn't get paid.  Then she'll feel bad and wont want to do something this bad anymore, also make her pay the fine.

Answer 3

take away all of the pets and give her a goldfish, she has discipline issues and needs to be grounded if not spanked...she needs to do some community service for that store and extra chores to payback the money

Answer 4

What's more important to you?  Your daughter and the development of her character or the pets that you are attached too?  She has major problems.  This is not "normal" behavior that can just be overlooked.  You have major issues to deal with.

The natural consequences are to lose all pets, have to pay you back the $200, have to do something nice for the store she stole from, and probably to take a tour of a jail or prison or talk to someone who works at one to have impressed upon her the potential consequences of her actions.  I would also not let her out of your sight and explain that it's her own fault for being untrustworthy.  Ideally, she would be at home where you can address these issues, but if she's at school, then she should be coming straight home and not hanging out with others for a while.

I hope you really deal with this very strictly.  I knew well a boy that was involved in sports.  There were some rebellion issues, though more minor than what you describe, mainly talking back.  The father wanted to take away the sports for a while as a consequence.  Mother was never able to do that, because he loved it so much and he could get a scholarship from it, and etc, etc.  The talking back got worse and continued into young adulthood.  It wasn't until he became a Christian and had a total change in heart that it improved, and even now in his mid-20s he's got many habits of interacting with them that are very automatic and hard to unlearn.  It's much easier to learn those sorts of lessons younger.

Answer 5

You need to tell her if she does not take care of the pets that you  have given her, she will not be able to go something that she wants to do, until it is done.  And you need to have her "work" off that fine, in housework, etc. Also she could have worked off that payment to the store itself, instead of you doing that.  If she is stealing at 12 you better stop that now, or she will continue to steal the older she gets.  She needs to learn that when you say no, you mean no, and that does not mean going behind your back , or hiding it under your hat, to get what she wants. Life is not all about her. 10 pets are a bit excessive, already don't you think?

Answer 6

no tv, phone, computer snd no friends and sweets for like 2 weeks then make her go to bed early.

Answer 7

Go to Wal-Mart. They have some wonderful wood backed hairbrushes real cheap. Put her bare bottom over your knees and make sure she doesnt sit for a few days.

Answer 8

I think the fact that she stole something is a much bigger issue than the pets.  Obviously she has some issues with being told no.  If she is stealing at 12, you dont want it to continue.  

I might suggest some counseling for her so she can talk with someone about her need to want to have something so badly she is willing to commit a crime to have it.  

Answer 9

Find out what bothering her, no friends, mean friend, she feels that people don’t care about her.

I can’t tell you her punishment but I can tell what  she should be punished for:

stealing(later this can be a problem if you don’t stop it now)

go against your word(don’t overdo this one)

make her do chores for the $200

Answer 10

well when i got cought stealing my aunt was furius and she put me me right over her knee pulled off my pants and undies and spanked me so hard and long i couldnt even walk

Answer 11

omg ! i would get rid of the pets she has now except maybe one or two of them and i would punish her to her room and take anything she can play with or use out .... also s***w the windows shut my parents had to s***w my window shut when i was younger .... its definitely something i would do i would take everything except clothes out of her room and her bed

Answer 12

make her do extra chores and that she cant hang out with Friends and that she has to know how hard earning 200 dollars is and a couple of lectures would do it and if she has a cell phone take it away

Answer 13

Make her do chores to pay for the fine..If she already does chores then don't pay her.

Make her write a essay on how it's wrong to steal and go behind your parents backs.

Ground her from the phone and hanging out with friends for 1 month.

Don't allow her to get any more pets until she moves out of the house.If she does bring home a pet, make her get rid of it.

She probably won't steal again or go behind your backs after that :)

{Don't take away the pets that you already have unless you genuinely do not want to care for the pets or don't love the pets}

Answer 14

Take the pet back to the store,and QUIT GIVING HER PETS.  Never buy a pet from a pet store, anyway.  Here's why...http://stoppuppymills.org

Tell her she has a choice.  Either she straightens up now, or the pets are gone.  Quit letting her control you.  She won't hate you forever.

A spanking when needed comes in handy as well.