My daughter doesn't care. how do i deal with her?

Question

she is 11 years old. lately she has become very lazy and obstinate.she doesn't brush her teeth, wont bathe,wont study, wont wear her braces,wont clean her room. she tell lies about her h.w. takes money without asking us.she will not do what she is told and just loves to daydream and spend all her time in front of the television. i have tried everything form being nice to being nasty with her. but she just doesn't care. her father spoke to her about it. she seemd to understand. she did a little bit of tidying up but now again she is in front of the t.v. i dont know how to deal with her.she just doesn't care.

we love her a lot. every weekend we take her for movies. we take her out with us to restaurants and often on holidays abroad.she has the best of clothes and anything that she wants.all we ask in return is some sense of responsibility from her .but she doesn't seem to have any respect for us. she behaves as if we owe her much more. what shall i do?

Answer 1

dont go to the movies, or restaurants with her,(leave her at home and get someone to babysit her) dont buy her the best of clothes,

'' never know what you got until its gone ''

Answer 2

She is going through a stage. She is trying to push her bounds. My 12 year old daughter is doing the same thing. It pretty much sounds like our house.What can you do ask anyone say the same thing take her privileges away. Then what shes angrier and worse at home for everyone. Yes its true you do have to discipline for bad behavior, but adolescent girls these days have allot more on their plate than we did when we went to school. It passes trust me. As she starts to get older she will realize who she is and what she wants and how she needs to behave. TV and computer and cell phone.... she cant have till all her chores are done. That you can control disconnect until she is done. Its summertime too. I would worry during school year if she continues. Also I have learned to pick my battles. You always want to come out winning the WAR.

Answer 3

Over Exposure and Exploitation and Harmone.

She has taken advantage.

Make her to realize, until don't cover up.

If she is not brushing, leave it ....with in a day or 2 her friends/school/teachers would treat her in different manner.

Everyone needs their own time. In a class room one boy can understand a maths problem at first time, the other one can understand only after 15 times......... give her space.

U dont worry, its very simple problem. since u r there for everything she is not showing respect that's it.

Take Care and one thing in mind......

Everybody makes mistakes, that's why they keep eraser on pencils.

Answer 4

im sorry but ur duaghter seems VERY lazy... tell her to get her butt off the couch and go outside and play!!! and for the the not tidying up... punish her for not doing what ur telling her to do, like cleaning her room, studying, and with the not brushing her teeth and bathing... WTF??? MAKE her do that stuff!!! thats just plain GROSS

Answer 5

Teach her about life.  That is, there are consequences for ones actions.  When one acts badly (doesn't do chores) one loses privileges--in real life, one would lose one's job.  When one acts well, one receives privileges--raises in real life.

Answer 6

I think you should send her to hostel for 2-3 years. Then she will get the difference of Home and a Hostel.

Answer 7

Covince as  mother try to mak her under stand the values o the life. Mother is the best teaher. Be friendly. But cut all eminites like TV, Computer, cut extravagancy. Provide minimum eminites only. Observe her closely. Dont give her money whenever she demands. Certainly,  There will be change with her. Pl B positive.

Answer 8

take away the tv or maybe she is despressed maybe soon she is getting her period or maybe she needs a little more sleep try getting her in bed my 9:30

Answer 9

Sorry to say, but she is spoiled. Spoiling her does not guarantee you love and respect.

First, take away the TV. Take away the compuer.

Second, make sure she can not get her hands on your money or anywhere else you keep money so she won't steal it.

Third, take away her clothes. If she isn't going to brush her teeth, shower and practice basic hygiene, then what is the use of wearing nice clothes.

Fourth, stop taking her out to places.  And tell her she needs to start respecting you, and start taking care of her self and her surroundings if she wants anything back.

She acts as if you owe her cause she is so used to getting things from you. Stop spoiling her.

Answer 10

Dear Hope,

This is a complicated situation. You've only asked one other question here on YA and that shows that things are not so great at home. Even if you haven't talked about your family situation with your little girl, she feels the tension between her parents for sure. Kids are sensitive. Hard stuff!

On a practical level, you have the power and leverage as the parent. You don't have to give her any more clothes (I'm guessing she has more than enough, right?) and you don't have to even keep a TV in the house. You can at least limit the hours. It's healthy for a child to have some level of responsibility to do some chores or studies before they can have what I call "screen time" (TV, video games, computer).

Since there seems to be more to this than simply a "spoiled child" or "lazy" kid, I'd approach the situation firmly but with a big amount of love. Make it clear that any decision you make is because you love her and want the best for her. I think most parents have, at some point, said that "if I didn't care, I wouldn't even set a boundary." Setting boundaries with love is the best you can do for her.

There may be stresses she simply doesn't know how to deal with and this is where you get to teach her. Get professional help if you need to. There are lots of great parenting books or coaches and you can get counseling for yourself to help you help your daughter.

Proper nutrition, exercise, and rest is an important part of things too.

Most of all, don't get down on yourself or  your daughter. You can work through this. Talk with her openly and get what ever help you both need. Instead of movies, how about a trip to a botanical garden or the zoo where you'll have to talk (and maybe hold hands) as you walk around? Sending time in sweet ways is very healing.

My kids are 14 and 12 and I still read out loud with them even though they can read on their own. We bond as we explore books together and talk about what we're reading or laugh out loud.

Hang in there; do not give up and do not feel discouraged.

In short:

Keep strong boundaries

Express your love to her

Ask for more help if you need to

Kids spell love t-i-m-e

Best blessings,

Aunt Laya

Answer 11

Teenagers are just difficult. One day the kid you've known all this time is someone else. It's confusing. Keep doing what your doing without spoiling. And whenever a teenager talks make sure your listening, because they say less and less. Usually they stop their odd behavior by themselves. My daughter went through a goth thing. We all just pretended not to be bothered by it. Soon she was throwing all those clothes away. Good luck.

Answer 12

I think the best bet is to try and cut down some things that she has so that she'll learn to appreciate them more. Have you tried talking to her? she's probably upset about something from school, and maybe you could cut her allowance and talk to her that whatever problems she ma have. Destroying her surroundings and acting irresponsibly will not change any of that. She should know better. In fact, my mom and dad would probably beat me if I act like that.

No they are not abusive parents. It's called discipline, in fact, we read an article about how hard it is for a parent to beat their kids but knowing deep down that it's all for their own personal good. They don't hit my face or anything, just whip my leg or back. I'm not advising you to hit your child, but if being nice won't work then being a harda$$ will

Answer 13

First of all disconnect yout cable if you want her to study,and take some more time to spend more time with her when she is alone and sit with her while she do her homework..

Answer 14

Take away the tv and her nicer things & tell her she has to earn them back by helping around the house, doing homework, brushing her teeth etc. She might figure she has everything she wants so why bother.

Answer 15

tell her she needs to start earning those things she needs to pick up her room and do her homework before that tv comes on

Answer 16

Thats because you spoil her a lot. Try cutting off her allowance or taking something away. Grounding her for once or even talking to her face to face.

If she doesn't appreciate what you do, then don't give it to her.

Answer 17

This is normal problem dont worry, first you (parents) explain positevely her when she is in good mood. You can implement technics like sleep talk etc to change her behaviour.you contact any nearest office of Siddasamadhi yoga and explain the problem they will give very good technics. I hope she will change. good luck

Answer 18

Doing all those "nice" things for her when she acts this way teaches her that she doesn't have to change. If you start changing what you do with her, including taking away things she already has, then maybe she will start to get the point. Don't expect fast results though because at age 14 she is already set in her ways. She can earn her things back (slowly) through earning good grades and doing chores. It will probably be a fight for over a month though. good luck.

Answer 19

You take away the priviledges. Let her know that you care about the stuff that's not getting done on her part  and until she starts to behave she's not going to be able to enjoy the things she cares about. Mean it though, you have to be firm and you can't back down. Family outings are fun and all, but if she doesn't respect you in the house, then why treat her with clothes and movies. Unplug the T.V. and show her that you have the power, because it sounds to me like she has it.

Answer 20

My sister is of your daughters type its really very tough to cope with these guys. You really need to be depended on her mood of mind. And you also mentioned she sits infront of the tv all the time. You do onething . take the tv in your room. Give her condition until and unless you care us, you know how to respect others  you wont get this . Give a time limit , that means a chance of just only seven days and then completely stop talking with her until she be good. Tell her we have loved you you paid no heed no see what is hatred.

And for few weeks dont care about her, let she realize what is parents care. Dont pay heed to what she say one day its my belief that she will come to you and say sorry and give you a hug.

* Take the tv away from her

*Dont pay heed to her

* Dont show that you love her

* Let her be untidy as much as possible

*If she doenot do her homeworks, tell teachers to punish severely infront of every on.

*When you find she is changing slowly , you also become slowly soft with her.

*Keep everything in a limit so that it doesnot have negative effect.

*All these should be followed by both you and your husband.

THANX

Answer 21

I think the problem is she is spoiled.  You said it yourself she gets whatever she wants.  Well maybe its time to stop that and anytime she is disrespectful she loses something.  The t.v, computer, anything. Or you could sign her up for something or encourage her to join something. Giver her something to do so she has no time to waste like art class or sports or and instrument.  Maybe she just needs someone to talk to other than her friends.

Answer 22

Perhaps you should stop spoiling her.

Then again, you can take her to a therapist or counselor.

Group counseling is very effective, too.

Answer 23

take her to the nutritionist she sound fat