My daughter doesn't want a Quinceañera, but her aunt keeps on insisting!?

Question

My daughter's mother(we divorced almost 12 years ago, we haven't seen her since)is from Mexico and my daughter is 14. She has never wanted a Quinceañera because it will remind her of her mom and she still hasn't forgiven her mom for leaving her.

My daughter recently turned 14 1/2 and her aunt called her and asked when she wanted to start planning the Quinceañera. My daughter told her she didn't want one and her aunt said OK and then she called me and said "Convince Isabelle to have a Quinceañera." I told her "I'm not making my daughter do anything she doesn't want to do." My ex-wife's sister(the aunt)threw a fit and said Isabelle had to have one, it's a tradition. And my ex-wife's sister had five daughters all who had a Quinceañera and she planned another niece's and she's had one so it's not like she's ever not gotten to plan one! My daughter's really upset. She told me that she wants to have a Sweet Sixteen like her brothers, not a Quinceañera!

Please help! If we talk to the aunt, she won't listen. My daughter really doesn't want to have one and I'm not going to force her just to make her aunt happy!

HELP!

Answer 1

You are the parent.  The aunt is not.

Tell the aunt that you hear her and respect her opinion, but the decision has been made and their will be no more discussion.  Then stick to it.

If the aunt is angry, that's ok.  She's entitled to her feelings.  She is not entitled to take them out on you, however.  If she is inappropriate, leave or hang up the phone.

When she brings it up again (and she will) remind her that the decision has been made and there will be no more discussion.

All the best.

Answer 2

How important is it to keep the aunt happy?  If you're really afraid of losing her favor, you might want to consider one.  They're usually pretty small affairs--family only, mostly.  They go quickly and pretty harmlessly.

If you don't really care about the aunt, tell her to shove it.

Answer 3

Well what I would do is tell her that since you don't wanna make your daughter do anything she doesn't want to do get her [[your daughter]] to reluctantly plan an extravagant, big, huge affair and make her [[ex-sister in law]] pay for it.



The mature route would be to tell her once and for all she is not having the party and put an end to it

Answer 4

Her aunt can't force you to comply and have one.  She can't have one if there is no guest list and if your daughter isn't there.  You should stand up for your daughter!  You're doing the right thing.  Explain to the aunt that it may be tradition for her but it doesn't have to be for your daughter.  If she doesn't listen then tell her that you and your daughter want nothing to do with her if she keeps this up, she is hurting your daughter and bringing up a past that she doesn't need to be reminded of.  Good luck!

Answer 5

That's a Mexican tradition so if your daughter doesn't want one, she shouldn't have one. I've learned that the worst inlaws are Mexican because they are so nosy and like to get into everyone's business. If it's not a Quinceanera, it's a baptism or some other religious BS....good luck, dude.

Answer 6

Its her party not her aunts!  Id say let her have the sweet 16.  She'll be miserable if she goes thru the quince.  This is supposed to be a special day for her but if she doesn't want that kind of party then so be it...

Tell her aunt to back off, this is between you and your daughter.

Let her have her sweet sixteen...she'll be happy that way!

Answer 7

If you're the child's father you have the final say.  If you agree with your daughter than that is it.  Her aunt can plan anything she wants to plan that doesn't mean your daughter has to show up.  Grow a set of balls and a backbone and tell the child's aunt "no".

Answer 8

My opinion is to let her have the sweet sixteen party if that is what she wants to do.  At her age I would not make her do the Quinceanera if she does not want to.  Agree with her wishes and do what she wants to do as far as this goes.  Being a teen I am sure that you will have bigger things to argue with your daughter about.  Just tell her aunt that she really does not want one and you are not making her.  Leave it at that.  

Answer 9

There is nothing the aunt can do about it.  She has no say.  Say "no" and move on

Answer 10

not sure what a Quinceanera is but you are the parent and at 14 she is old enough to decide if she wants one or not. You tell the aunt it is not going to happen , end of story. If she does not like it then it is her problem not you and your daughters.