My daughter doesn't want a sibling and i'm pregnant?

Question

my husband and i are basically push overs and spoil our daughter. I just found out i'm pregnant and my daughter has been reacting violently we both try to help hr and to her to a specalist but its not working shes five.

Answer 1

My Mum was a push over and it was very bad for me.  

Young adulthood had some devastating shocks for me, because I had no idea that it wasn't "right" that I would always get what I wanted.  My husband might also have thanked my mother more if she had not taught me that all I had to do to get my own way was to look cute, or throw a hissy fit.

It doesn't make me feel good about myself when I behave that way ... and I appreciate firm guidance, although I always push against it, at first.  My husband is not one to put his foot down - he is a pacifist, like you and your hubby - so, once more, I am left to receive firm guidance from other people than those who are closest to me (eg. my boss at work).

I still ignore my own mother, and prefer my mother in law because at least SHE has some firm opinions that she is quite willing to impart, regardless of how I might respond, whereas with my own Mum I feel like I have to make all the rules up myself, because she has none.... ie, she makes me feel lost and not know how to behave, socially.

Do you really want your daughter to go to other people for guidance?  Get some opinions, and start expressing them firmly.  Your daughter WANTS firm guidance from you.  YOU are the knowledgeable one who knows what behaviour is acceptable in society.  If you don't teach your daughter to behave, who will she eventually turn to for firm guidance?

Answer 2

Once the baby gets here, she will calm down.  Let her help you do things for the baby.  Make sure you let her hold the baby and feed the baby.  Once she sees that she is important to the baby as well and you have time for both the baby and her, she will love the baby.  She can't always be the center of attention, but remember to have special time with her as well.  I just went through this, and my daughter absolutely loves her baby sister now.  She realizes that sometimes I have to spend extra time because the baby can't do things for herself, but she knows it isn't because I love the baby more than her.  Just explain these things to her, and as I said make sure she plays a role by feeling like she is helping you with the baby.

Answer 3

ummm.. thats too bad for her she needs to learn that she doesnt always get what she wants. keep the baby! its not up to the daughter. stop spoiling her she needs to know what the word "no" is.

Answer 4

Stop catering to her and be real parents.

She's ONLY five, so you have lots of time till the baby comes to instill some discipline in her.

Answer 5

too bad for the 5 yr old

Answer 6

Uh.......your daughter is going to have to deal with it, whether she likes it or not.  What are you going to do, abort the baby to make your spoiled daughter happy?  She's 5 years old -- time for her to learn that the earth doesn't revolve around her!

Answer 7

Just tell her you were joking and that you are eating too much and getting fat.  Kids need to be lied to at an early age so they will be more prepared for the real world.  Oh, and tell her she is adopted, that should stop her from caring about the one on the way.

Answer 8

STOP BEINS PUSH OVERS AND BE HER PARENTS, DON'T SPOIL HER, she's young, she'll get mad but if you and your husband stick to not spoiling her, she'll get over it

Answer 9

She probably hates the thought of having to share her mommy and daddy with someone else...and she's acting out because of that. You need to put your foot down and let her know that when she gets violent, there will be consequences.  Whether it's time out or another form of effective punishment, you need to make it clear to her that behavior like that will not be tolerated.

Throughout your pregnancy, talk to her about how fun a new brother or sister would be for her. Make sure she feels very much included. Take her shopping with you for the baby's things, and even let her pick out a few things for the baby. The more included she feels, the less intimidated she'll be by a new addition to the family. She'll come to realize that just because she's getting a new sibling, she won't lose her mommy and daddy's love.

Congrats and good luck!

Answer 10

Well that's why I hate only childs. They act too spoiled. It will be good that she has a sibling. Then she won't always expect everything. I feel that five year olds aren't mature too make very good descions. Don't worry about it, keep taking her to a specialist, and have your kid. It's your life it's not going to kill her.

Answer 11

It's really not her choice. YOU are the parent and she is the CHILD. If you don't get it under control she will be mean to the baby.

Answer 12

Too bad for her. She's five and doesn't control things. You two need to put a stop to it now. Continue with the specialist and make sure you are doing exactly what the therapist is having you do (it won't work if you cut corners or give her slack because shes having a rough day).

Answer 13

You definitely need to set limits and restrictions with her; reacting violently is not an option. You say you and your husband are pushovers and the child is spoiled.

It's easy to say toughen up, but if she's been getting her way for this long, it is definitely not going to be easy.

That said, continue to be firm with her. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You and your husband need to be a united front and let the child know violence and temper tantrums are not going to be tolerated. She may be only five now, but her behavior will only worsen as she gets older.

If taking her to a specialist is not working, then don't continue to waste your money.

Tell her what an honor it will be for her to be a big sister.

She will be the oldest and she can set the example for her younger sibling. She can also teach her younger sibling how to do different things. She'll also be able to help out with little things, too (like getting the baby wipes for diaper changing, etc.) Reassure her by letting her know that you love her and will always love her. A new baby brother or sister won't change that.

Answer 14

Last time I checked, five-year-olds don't get a vote in the matter.

And having a sibling will be an important learning experience about how she's not the center of the Universe.

And perhaps it'll be a long-overdue lesson for you and your husband as well.  Remember: "parent" is also a VERB...

Answer 15

She needs to get used to it. Sounds like she needs another sibling!