My daughter doesn't want to attend her brother's party. Help!?

Question

My 7 year old daughter (turning 8 next month) told me this morning she does not want to attend her brother's birthday party in 2 weeks--he's turning 3. When we asked why she said that there would be lots of little kids running around and she wouldn't enjoy it. I reminded her that her cousins (ages 9, 7 and 6) would also be there ,but she doesn't want to go. What do I do? I could make her go, but ...?

Answer 1

I might approach it by saying that you could really use her help.  Explain how she can help with the games, and how her little brother really loves her.  Empathize with the fact that she's not going to find it fun... and remind her that you often do things with her that are just for her enjoyment (her own birthday party, for example).  I would be very understanding and accepting of her feelings, and then just give her space to make her choice.  If she really is against coming, and would be negative to the point of making it harder for you or ruining her brother's day, and if it can be done, then arrange for her to be somewhere else.

My little brother is 4 years younger than I, and my mother always said that he adored me in a way she hardly felt I deserved.  I wasn't sure I believed it, but when my dad transferred the slide pictures to CD this year, I have this picture of my little brother and I in our boat when he was 3 and I was 7.  I'm looking at the camera all glamorous, smiling in my sunglasses... and he's looking at me with this expression like I'm some kind of fairy princess.  I never saw it before, but now I'm glad I was at least nice to him sometimes!  lol

Answer 2

Family supports Family...she may not WANT to go, but remind her that there are certain things you do BECAUSE you love someone that you may not want to do. In my Family we ALL attend each and every one of the other ones Sporting Events, Birthdays and Special Occasions to SUPPORT...even if they don't really want to...that is Family.  My kids are ALL used to it because that is the way it is and always will be...

Answer 3

i understand how your girl feel but you have to be firm with her from a young age and make it clear that family is important to avoid problems especially when she become rebellious in her teens

Answer 4

it is a family obligation, tell her you understand how she feels sometimes you do not want to be around screaming kids too, but it is not a question of going or not going it is how can we make it a good time for all, also explain how it would hurt her brothers heart if she was not to be there

Answer 5

If she dose not want to go then tell her that she can play in her room. As all the other kids play she will soon notice that all the kids are having fun play'n games and eating cake, she'll come out and join, if not she is old enough to play by herself, just pop in every hour or so and ask her if she would like to join the fun.

you never want to force a child to do something, give them two options and let then choose, then they're doing what you want but they feel as if they made the decision there self.

Answer 6

I get her frustration, but I would have her attend.  Certain things we do as a family, and celebrating birthdays is one of them.  In the long term, it's about more than a birthday party.  The decisions you help her make now, are what shapes the person she is to become.  Think of it this way - If a child is allowed to gratify every selfish compulsion, they are a lot less likely to have any self-discipline and face responsibility as an adult.  

Of course she's not going to see any of that now, and don't bother explaining it beyond, "This is a family celebration.  We can't have a family celebration without YOU!"  She may get good and mad at you.  Hang in there.  It won't be the last time you'll sacrifice popularity for the greater good.  

I like that there will be cousins there her age.  That should cushion some of it.  Can she have a friend over too?