My daughter got mad and said she was not going to eat dinner.?

Question

I gave her a second chance and she said she "didn't know" so I said no dinner for her. She is 10 and is being a brat. We are going out for dinner and my daughter can come with us but not eat. I think this is reasonable. She should have to say sorry to me and I might change my mind. If she doesn't say sorry than she can not eat dinner and may have a drink at the table but can't eat. Do you think I am being reasonable and teaching her to behave?

Answer 1

removing a meal is not a way to punish a child........Stopping things like sweets and snacks is fair enough but to make a child go hungry is  cruel......Ground her or take away stuff like TV, PC etc.. but not food..........

IF it was you were going out for a meal then excluding her but her eating at home instead is ok.. (as long as she has a sitter)

Answer 2

If that's your only problem in life than I wouldn't worry about it.

Answer 3

Sure you're being "reasonable".....and you may be encouraging an eating disorder.  Don't use food as a punishment or reward.  

Why not say "you can come with us but no dessert" or stay in for the night?  Withholding an actual need (food) is not necessary.

Answer 4

I would get a babysitter and tell her when she learns to behave she can join you next time you go out. I would not take her with you,,, it is not a punishment.,, and somebody will call DCF on you if you deny her food at the table.

Answer 5

No. Just leave her home with a baby sitter while you go out to eat and she has peanut butter and jelly. That's fair.

Answer 6

Without food is not a reasonable punishment.  Honestly no desert is something to consider...but neglecting nutrition is not the way to go.

Answer 7

Oh welcome to my world.  Kids this age are so frustrating!  My son is about to turn 10 and he tests me all the time.  I don't know if I'm coming or going or if I'm making a good decision or what.  I think in some ways it has to do with the whole puberty thing, their bodies are getting ready for BIG CHANGES.

Now, all that aside, I generally try not to involve food as a punishment.  I do use treats as rewards however. So maybe that's a little backwards, but the truth is that your child will not starve to death, will not suffer for lack of nutrients, but will probably remember that MOM meant what she meant!

You are good.  Kudos for your strength.

Answer 8

You are right in showing her there are consequences to bad behaviour. I do not think this is unreasonable at all. The only thing I was thinking was that if there will be a loud discussion at the restaurant, please have mercy on the other guests. I hate eating at a restaurant when parents are having arguments with their kids. Sometimes it has been so bad that I would prefer smokers rather than families to be seated at tables near me.

Answer 9

I agree with the person who said you shouldn't take this out on her need to eat....but rather some sort of entertainment or recreational activity of hers that she likes. Taking something positive away - negative reinforcement.

and FYI - kids with parents who use food as a source of punishment are much more likely to develop eating disorders later in life.

Answer 10

Yes, dont give in...

Answer 11

actually, I don't think that's the right thing to do.  It's one thing if she refuses to eat like she originally said but for you to say "no dinner" after you gave her a second option, that sounds vindictive on your part.  If she's being a brat, then ground her from doing something she loves to do (computers, sleepovers, etc).  Food should never be used as a weapon to make a child behave.  That's inhumane.

Answer 12

If you were at home and dinner was in front of her, and she refused to eat; you could say, that's fine, but don't ask for something else later. When my kids pull this, I tell them that that's fine, but if they get hungry later, I will save the plate for them as they will not be getting a dessert or something else they may choose later.

Her doing this before you even left the house makes it a little difficult, because we all know people have to eat. Tell her she doesn't have to eat if she isn't hungry, but she will not get dessert or a treat later if she does not wish to eat her dinner. Make her wait in her room or don't allow computer or game time while you are waiting to go out.

I personally think they days of "off to bed without any supper" are long gone, but that's just my opinion. I might add...I'm not a member of the clean plate club either. As long as they eat a reasonable amount of their dinner before they say "I'm Full" is perfectly acceptable.

Answer 13

I don't think it is fair to make her sit there and watch everyone eat, in fact i think it is a little cruel, why not get a baby sitter? show her that her stubbornness won't stop you from having a nice evening out.

Answer 14

That's NOT a good idea. A kid has to eat.

DON'T give her sweets though if she's being a brat. Order her something completely healthy with vegatables and stuff and tell her she's not allowed to have sweets because of the way she's acting.

If she doesn't eat it , Just leave her alone. If she's truly hungry , She'll eat it. If she refuses to eat it then she's just doing it for attention and DON'T give her the attention. That means DON'T yell at her or get mad or anything if she chooses not to eat it.

Answer 15

no offense but this is stupid..

Answer 16

That's Cruel!

Answer 17

No. If you want to punish your daughter, take something else away from her that is important to her, like television, video games, sleepovers, etc. Taking food away from a 10 year old is not reasonable. Everyone needs nourishment, especially at that age. Instead of taking the entire meal away, try only taking dessert or other treats away.  

Answer 18

Well, that's just wrong. Not letting your child have food is abuse and thats just going to make her act worse. Just tell her NO SWEETS and order vegies and stuff completely healthy.  IF she's really hungrary she'll eat.

Answer 19

yea stick to your guns - she will soon learn

Answer 20

I think its cruel to make her sit there and watch everyone else eat.  I completely agree that you should stick to your guns, but just find a sitter for her and let everyone else enjoy their dinner.  The punishment should be not getting to eat at a restaurant, not that she doesn't get to eat at all.  If she chooses not to eat tonight, then that's her decision, but don't deprive her of a meal if she's hungry.

Answer 21

not a good approach at all, she needs to eat if she needs to be punished then take something away from her that she realy likes . I know what a pain 10 year old s can be i have one . let her know that if she wants to have an attitude then to be prepared for consequences.

Its more of a respect thing.

Answer 22

I think your doing a good job, if you give in, she will learn very quickly that you only have empty threats. I think more parents need to work at raising their kids like you, and not just get lazy. That is why we have such horribly spoiled, and irrisponsible children today. Good job on staying firm!!

Answer 23

i think youre doing great, stick to your guns, if you dont know, when shes 16 ITS GOING TO BE ALOT WORSE if you dont

Answer 24

no, i dont think thats a good thing to do. i think just let her eat if she wants something [come on, its food], but ground her for being a smart alleck. [no tv, computer, etc]

Answer 25

You're trying to teach your daughter how to behave by depriving her of a need? Awesome. =/

Deprive her of a WANT.

Like, she can't get a dessert/stay up however long she wanted/etc...

Answer 26

What point are you trying to make by not allowing her to eat...perhaps if her behavior is less than good you should consider staying home....I certainltly for one wouldn't do that and for two....the people around you are going to think your decision is rather odd...