My daughter has come to me and told me she has been self harming, what are my first steps to help her?

Question

My daughter has come to me and told me she has been self harming, what are my first steps to help her?

Answer 1

She needs professional help, NOW.

People who do that have no coping skills, and need to learn how to deal with their feelings in a positive way.

Cutting is NOT normal or acceptable, as so many teens want you to believe. It is an indication of serious emotional jeopardy, and you need a competent psychiatric counselor, and be sure to ask if they are experienced in self-harming.

Good luck, at least the first step has been taken on the road to recovery.

Answer 2

At least she came to you when my parents found out the school counselor told them. The first thing to do is not to treat her like shes an alien. You might not know what to say or do but thats your job as a parent to make her feel loved no matter what and make her feel like shes going to ok. Before you take her to a hospital or doctor find the right one. I was taken to a place that had me on five different meds being there for only two hours. Do your research mental health care is lacking these days they dont really care whats going on. Just love her...be aware of everything and find her the help she needs...Feel free to email me if you need any more answers.

Answer 3

get sharp objects out of her room, and lock up all sharp objects in the house.  Then, find a cognitive behavioral therapist, either in the phone book, or ask your family physician for a referral.  Make her go.

Answer 4

First - I have read the responses before me and if I had no experience in this area, I would be totally confused and frustrated. Take away all razors, don't take them. Get her in therapy, don't get her in therapy. Talk to her, listen to her, read these . . . there are so many different opinions. We don't even know what type of injury she is doing. How can everyone know what is happening?

Now,

As a parent you need to listen to your gut. If your gut says that you need to get her immediate help, take her to the ER.

If your gut says that she is wanting your support, do that. Be there for her, don't over react, don't judge, don't condone her. You know her, you know what to do to be there for her.

Listen to your gut. . . that is what is going to give you the first step in helping her.

If you are wanting so help in learning about self harm, here are some phone numbers and websites.

selfinjury.com (this is a site that is ran by SAFE Alternatives. They are the first inpatient treatment center for self injury. They have info on their site plus some phone numbers to call to get advise and/or help)

1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288) (this is the number to SAFE)

www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.h... (this site is a good site to get some info on what types of injury people can do, why alot of them do it, and what a parent can do to help a child)

1-800-448-4663 (National Youth Crisis Hotline - this is to help in a crisis with a youth or for a youth to call if they are in a crisis - very multipurpose)

1-800-448-3000 (Boys Town Hotline - is very good to get ideas to help a teen boy or girl)

1-800-931-2237 (Hours: 8am-noon daily, PT) Eating Disorders Awareness and Prevention

1-888-236-1188 (Eating Disorders Center)

1-800-475-TALK (1-800-475-2855) (TalkZone (Peer Counselors))

1-800-400-0900 (Teen Helpline)

1-800-522-8336 (TeenLine)

Best Wishes!!!

Answer 5

definitely refer to a doctor. a technique i've seen in recovery is pinging an elastic band around the wrist (which administers a small dose of virtually harmless pain)

Answer 6

that is really tough. that is good that she told you, it probably means that she's willing to quit, or at least talk about it. so do just that, TALK with her about it. ask her why she was doing it. there's probably something with her life thats bothering her... you may need to take her to a doctor or a shrink, they might be able to help her if the situation is beyond your control. mainly, you should just let her know that she is loved, and that you will be open to talk to her any time she wants, and MEAN it.

good luck. :)

Answer 7

ok i am guess you mean cutting it really depends on the person. I am a cutter I am working on stopping, it was about 2 months since the last time I cut but i slipped so now its only been 3 days. I will try and give some advice but i'm not sure how it applies to your daughters situation.

I suggest that you don't do anything drastic (hospitalization yata yata), but talk to her. Ask her to please be honest, and talk to her. When you talk to her about it stay calm and rational, it is really bad if you get angry. Listen to her, let her speak what she has to say before you comment on it. Don't  say stuff that sounds like a guilt trip or something like "i thought i was a good parent, what did i do wrong that made you do this". Just talk to her, ask her what you can do to help. Also a self injurer isn't someone who is suicidal, its a way of relief.

Don't lock up all the sharp objects as other people have said, she can get more easily. the rubberband on the wrist isn't a good idea, it leaves you wanting more it doesnt help. You can ask her if she would like to go to a counselor, if she says no drop it and dont mention it for a while unless you feel like you need to mention it. you could also ask her if she would like to give you her knifes (or what ever she uses). Just be calm, dont talk to the school or whatever that can just s***w up her life at school (people look at you differently if they don't understand cutting)

Godbless and be rational

Answer 8

Strip her room of all razors and knifes.

Then get her to talk to a doctor.

Answer 9

Call a licensed therapistimmediately, hopefully someone with expertise with persons who self-harm.

Generally, individuals who self-harm are not trying to kill themselves, though sometimes they do so accidentally. You should check with her if she's having suicidal thoughts and/or intentions.

You may also want to assess if something happened recently that led her to start hurting herself. She may be feeling numb emotionally and self-harm is a way to externalize any emotional pain she is feeling.

After scheduling an appointment with a therapist, just sit with her and listen to her. Let her set the tone and the pace of the discussion.

Answer 10

ask her why she does this and if theres any way you could help ... maybe offer her the chance to go and see a counselor

Answer 11

To talk, to talk, to talk. Don't leave her alone, just talk, talk, talk.

Answer 12

Do  NOT take ANYTHING out of her room. Just do not, it is not a good idea for a lot of reasons. My mom took some band-aids and wash cloths that I used out of my room and that alone pissed me off, taking away her tools is not going to help because she is just going to find other more unsafe things to use. Do NOT press it on her to show you her scars/cuts/arms/legs it'll just probably be uncomfortable. Do NOT talk about it unless you are sure she wants to. It is very uncomfortable to have to talk about things when you're not ready to talk abut it. Just let her know that you are there for her and that you want her to stop, and when the time is right she will.

Suggest she go to a counselor or therapist.

Answer 13

If she asked you then she's asking for YOUR help not a doctors. Sit down and talk with her try and find out what she's feeling and why. You then take steps from there.  

Answer 14

First of all listen to her emphatically, let her vocalize whatever she has been doing and why? Don't be critical.

If she has harmed herself just now, do get the needful medical help.

And it's advisable to contact a mental health professional.  

Answer 15

Around December of last year, my 15 year old came to me and told me she had been cutting herself.  I took her right away to a counselor.  That counselor told us that cutting is not meant to fatally harm.  It actually makes the cutter feel good.  She also made my daughter promise not to cut herself anymore.  Made her sign a paper and everything.  To the best of my knowledge, she no longer cuts herself, and believe me, I check.  But this came out of the blue for me.  Her biological father died recently, and that may be what brought this on.  My suggestion to you as one parent to another is to seek counseling as soon as possible.  I'm not exactly sure what was meant by self-harm, but if it's anything like what my daughter went through, counseling was the answer.

Answer 16

Read these, & have her read them, then follow the advise therein:

Why Do I Hurt Myself?

- A Diverse Profile

- “A Mechanism to Cope With Stress”

http://watchtower.org/e/200601a/article_...

How Can I Stop Hurting Myself?

- The Value of Confiding

- The Importance of Prayer

> Helping A Self-Injuror

- When Additional Assistance Is Needed

- Two Things to Think About

http://watchtower.org/e/200602a/article_...

Answer 17

My girlfriend was a self harmer for years. I can only pass on our experiences and the information we were given.

Firstly, i'm sure its nothing you have or havent done as a parent. Its great you have the relationship where she can come to you.

I was told not to take any sharp implements out of the house as this may increase the harmers anxiety, and they can always find other things to use anyway. I would recommend speaking to your doctor so that they can pass on support group details so you can help her in the right way. I'm not necesarily saying take your daughter to the groups as she may not be ready but at least you can have information yourself.

I always had to have dressings in the house and steri- strips. Try not to get angry with your daughter, or show that her actions are making you upset as this will add to her stress and guilt over the situation.Its much better that she feels she could come to you, and if necessary you could dress her wounds. At least this way you can be sure they're being looked after right. My girlfriend felt like it was an addiction that she couldn't control, and your daughter may feel the same. I know this sounds hard but try and talk about what she is using to harm herself. If its a razor or scissors etc try and teach her to sterilise them first and after or maybe you could even do this so as to avoid too much infection.

It is very hard for someone to look after a self harmer. Its not going to go easy and even though you try your best there will be times when your daughter just doesnt appreciate it. For long term solution my girlfriend was referrd to a psychiatric nurse thru our doctors who went through cognitive behaviour therapy. it was about trying to train your thoughts to do something else when she felt the urges to harm, and will also get to the route of why she started. Good luck :)

Answer 18

This is coming from someone who self harms as well who tried to go parents for help. I told my mom when I was still able to get help. I was called stupid and she didn't understand how someone could do that and then pushed away. It never came up again. SO DON'T DO THAT. Be supportive. know your instinct is to take everything sharp away but don't. Ask her if she willing wants to. If not that's ok. Because even if you take it away she will find a way and then won't even tell you if she did it again. This way she will still trust you and hopefully willingly give you everything. Then get her in to her doctor so he can check out the cuts/burns/scratches/bruises/whatever she does. And then get her into some kind of therapy. Where she will most likely get medicine for something like depression. Then be supportive of her. Never mean or anything it wont solve anything except make her not want to come to you anymore. Next you could take her to buy a journal where she can write down a few good things of everyday and just to express herself through writing or poetry not cutting.(I do this and it works well) Reward her for not cutting but don't punish her for doing it. Give her a list of things to do instead of cutting. If you want email me I will give you one about simple things such as watching tv, writing, baking etc or fun and crazy things like painting your face and go out in public, dance to a crazy song and put it on youtube, be a ninja around your house(many people love this one). I hope I helped you I know that this is a very confusing and difficult thing to deal with and understand. For you it would be best to read lots about it to understand her reasoning better. Good luck if you need anything else feel free to email me. I wouldn't want anyone to get into the addictive behavior of self injury.

Answer 19

Figure out the reason WHY she has been doing this to herself. Is it depression? Is there something that has been going on in her life to lead herself to do this? Try everything you can to talk and comfort her. This can be dangerous to her health if it keeps on, so get help if it worsens.  

Answer 20

First things first, your daughter has come to you, this would have been extreamly hard and a very frightening thing to do. It also means she /may/ want help.

Ask her if she wants to talk about it, make sure she knows you are willing to talk about anything and that you won't push her.

Don't take away any blades, it would be a display of mistrust and if she is self-harming as a way of control it could have bad consequences.

I suggest asking her where /she/ wants to go with this.

The important thing is she made the first step, which is huge.

Answer 21

About a year ago i was harming myself. i was cutting my body out of stress. i remember that what i wanted most was for my mom to get me a therapist and to do stuff with me. I wanted her to take me shopping and try to get through to me and figure out the reasons why i was hurting myself. So try to convince her she should see a therapist and gradually engage in activities with her that you both like to do. Don't start right away she may feel over whelmed.  

Answer 22

1. Take away anything that she can use to hurt herself. Keep a close eye on her and watch her food habits.

2. Find a local therapist and call him/her to talk about it and set up a few appointment. If you have a financial situation and can't afford a therapist, check with your insurance. They have list of therapist that they will pay for.

3. Talk to you daughter often. Explain to her that secrets can only hurt her. Also, remind her that she made the right choice by telling you.

Remember that you are doing the right thing, even when things get difficult. It's also good that you listened to her because so many parents ignore their child's cry for help, thinking that they are just looking for attention -- even if she is a therapist can help. Hope I could Help! Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 23

Call a crisis line to have her assessed.  She needs help ASAP.  First step - get off of Yahoo Answers and talk to your daughter.  

Answer 24

I wouldn't take the advice of people who are currently self-harming.  This is a complicated mental process and people (usually teenagers) who are still doing it may be lacking the insight to fully advise.  It absolutely requires professional intervention, and if she is still a minor, it should not be her choice.  You would take her to the emergency room for a broken leg whether she wanted to go or not.  She is clearly not exhibiting sound decision making skills, so you need to.