My daughter hasnt been invited to a classmates party...?

Question

My daughter is 4 and her friend from playschool is having a party that she has not been invited to. The childs mum has pulled me to the side and said that basically as she has such a huge family her daughter was told she could only have 4 school friends and that she was suprised my daughter wasnt on the list as they always play together, but that she was sorry, it wasnt personal but she had to draw the line somewhere. Dont get me wrong I understand and im not at all funny that my daughter wasnt invited. I know how kids parties can get out of hand, but my girl is devastated and I dont know what to say to her. Iv said we can do something else instead if its nice we can have a picnic but she is just inconsolable, shes upset because 2 other girls that they play with are going and she seems to be the one left out, i have pointed out some other children are not going but she is really upset, in fact she has just put herself bed crying... What can I say to make her fell better!!

Answer 1

Oh I hated this when I worked at a daycare with those aged children.  We often made it a policy that if you could not invite the entire class you were not allowed to pass out invitations at school to hinder this kind of outcome. Young kids just don't understand and it is hurtful.

I would try to explain to her as best as possible without getting into lengthy detail - it would only draw it out and she possibly may still not understand and just feel that she is not being included.  I would try to avoid the situation by maybe saying "Sweetheart it really worked out great b/c I had a surprise Girls day planned for just you and I and you would not have been able to go to the party anyways..."  Plan for the two of you to do something special like tea lunch, nails or something that you both can do as a mother and daughter that you both would enjoy.

I think that when she gets a bit older she will understand that she may not be invited to every party for whatever reason and when she has parties she will not be able to invite everyone ( I would explain that to her now as well so she doesn't think that everytime something does not go the way she expected she might not have an All Girls Day).

See if that helps... especially since this is her first time experiencing this type of let down.

Answer 2

on the day of the party tell your daughter we are going to have a funday take her to fun places like kangaroo bobs and chuck e cheeses. after that take her to se any movie that she wants.

Answer 3

Go ahead and have a girls day out. Let her decide what she wants to do. She'll be into everything else she'll forget about the party.

Answer 4

At 4 years old most kids don't understand why the cannot do something they just know they can't do it. Try inviting another girl from her class over for a sleep over that night, or if you're not sure how well that will go you could just do a play date. Instead of her fixating on what she cannot do she will be excited for what she can do.

Answer 5

Tell her that it gives you and her a special opportunity! Spend a day together doing what she wants to make her happy

if she takes it well, thank her for being such a big girl and understanding.

Answer 6

I don't think you need to try to make her feel better.  She is justifiably upset, because it's hard for a four-year-old girl to understand that she can't be invited to every event and every party.  But it's a good lesson for her to be learning.  

Just be sympathetic, and tell her that you're sorry that she wasn't invited, and that you bet she's feeling very sad about it.  That way, you're affirming her feelings, but she's also getting the message that sometimes this kind of thing happens, and you have to learn to deal with it.  

I would not have a "special" day or a separate party for her, because that will teach her that every time something disappointing happens, she has a right to be compensated for it.   Life just isn't like that, and she'll be a stronger person if she learns that lesson at an early age.

Answer 7

This has happened to my children a few times as well and I have found that by NOT making such a big deal about it and just matter of factly stating that sometimes we don't get invited to parties that we may really want to go to, and that there will be other parties down the road, they seem to forget about it quicker. Sometimes if we fixate on the issue and keep trying to "make it better" by offering some alternative, it makes the issue seem more important than it really is.

Answer 8

Throw your daughter a party and invite the friend, show your daughter how to forgive and to treat others as she wants to be treated. This is a faboulous learning lesson for your child.