My daughter in kindergarten will not speak?

Question

My daughter seems too bashful to speak to her classmates and teacher at her kindergarten. She seems quite happy at kindergarten, however. She laughs and smiles.

She speaks just fine at home. Any suggestions to get her comfortable to start speaking?

Answer 1

Welcome to Brave New World.Has it ever occurred to you that children (not kids which are the prodgeny of goats),are not allowed to be children any more. Modern day parents at the behest of the social engineers,to have their children become adults before their time.The emphasis is on encouraging infants to talk before they can walk,and this parents do ignorantly,and denying their children the experience of being

children,and the joy of learning from observation and experience.Now  modern parents are encouraged and intimindated into enrolling their prodgeny into the first stages of indoctrination ( childcare and kindergartens),in preparation for the more advanced indoctrination camps (schools).Their are some behavioural scientists,such as B F. Skinner and his ilk,who consider parents are anathema to their children,and should be removed from their influence as early as possible,so as they can be indoctrinated  into having allegiance to the State.

Answer 2

HELLO, MY DAUGHTER HAD THE SAME PROBLEM.  SHE JUST WOULD NOT PARTICIPATE AT ALL.  I OR HER DAD OR TEACHER COULD NOT GET HER TO OPEN UP . BECAUSE OF THAT SHE REPEATED THE SECOND GRADE.  YOU REALLY NEED TO WORK WITH YOUR CHILD TRY TO GET YOUR CHILD TO OPEN UP.  BECAUSE OF MY CHILD SHYNESS SHE HAS STRUGGLED THROUGH OUT SCHOOL.    

ONE MORE THING AT THE TIME WHEN MY CHILD WAS GOING THROUGH HER SHYNESS. I  AT FIRST THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE. OK SHE'S A LIL SHY " I SAID TO MYSELF"  MY HUSBAND AND I LAUGHED ABOUT IT AT FIRST, SOON  IT TURN  INTO  A PROBLEM.

Answer 3

This is actually more than just shyness, it's a manifestation of a childhood anxiety disorder called selective mutism. I'd refer you to this website:

http://www.selectivemutism.org/

Answer 4

This could be normal shyness or it may be "selective mutism" I worked with an adorable little girl who suffered from this in pre-school. Like your daughter, she spoke fine at home and loved coming to school. She communicated with us non-verbally for over a year and we never pushed her to talk. Hopefully she has a good, kind understanding kindergarten teacher and a nice group of friends because if she feels comfortable with them it will make all the difference. Research it and get an expert opinion because it may be shyness or it may be selective mutism.

Don't despair. It took us 15 months before this child spoke to a classmate and another 3 months before she spoke to me. It was one of the most rewarding experiences I've ever had working with kids. She moved onto main school a year ago. The school (which we have very strong links with)brought me in for a few days to help ease the transition for her with new staff. She now chats away to her teachers and friends. She is still quiet with new people but with lots of love and understanding she can overcome it.

A lot of people have never heard of the condition so you may need to research it a lot on your own. It's nothing to do with parenting so be assured it's not your fault. You may just have a very special little girl and she will shine when she's ready. Very best wishes.

Answer 5

Horrors!  A woman who doesn't talk too much.  Clearly abnormal.

Pooh.

Answer 6

My son had (still has) the exact same problem. He was in Kindergarten last year. There is nothing much you can do about it. We organised play dates, based on "advice" from well-wishers, but, it hasn't helped so much. The neurologist says he will grow out of it and we have no cause to worry as long as he is learning well and shows intelligence and normal level of activity. Not everyone in the world is designed to speak in front of a camera and they are, what one would call,  nature's white mice.

What suchj children lack in aggressiveness or "normal" talking behaviour, they make up for it in showing remarkable learning speed, being loving & caring and showing a great ability to concentrate on their work.

I would say, visit the doctor for your own peace of mind and do not overly worry if she does not show rapid change. You will realise she has many strengths very soon. After all, as one child psychologist put it to us : "If he is not talking, he may well have a reason to do us or he may not have much to talk about because people around him must be talking too much".

We had agonised on the "problem" for over a year, but, now realise that there is not much to worry about.

Regards

Answer 7

I also have a daughter who is shy and doesn't like to speak too much around other children (in pre-school)  As long as she talks at home, and she likes school she will come around.  Maybe you could ask the teacher who she seems to get along well with and ask that girl or boy's mom for a one-on-one playdate over the weekend.   Baby steps...good luck

Answer 8

I have had several students in kindergarten with selective mutism over the years.  That means that they speak quite normally in some situations and not at all in others.  Some will eventually speak, others may remain quiet in school for years. One of my students would not respond to me or other teachers but would talk up a storm during free time with his peers.

As long as your child is learning and the teacher can find alternate ways to assess the learning, there should be no lasting problems (one of my former students still won't talk to the teachers, but is quite bright, learning and earning awards in her 4th grade classes).

Hopefully the teacher is aware of selective mutism and will find alternate ways of assessing your child's learning.  Your daughter may remain a quiet student or she may speak up when she feels the need.  Please don't put any pressure on her to do so, it will only increase her anxiety.  

If she continues this behavior for several months, you can take her to her doctor.

Answer 9

related? when my dad was 4 yrs, he had not spoken, his parents were quite concerned and in fact making apt. to travel 100 miles (1932) to dr.  one morning at breakfast he looked at his mom and said, you burned the toast. great joy but why haven't you spoken before?  you never burned the toast before.  maybe she is happy listening and has nothing to say that someone else hasn't already said.

Answer 10

Hi, H2O. When she enjoys the environment of kindergarten, she certainly starts speaking early.  Don't worry.  Request the teachers and her friends to talk with her more often.

Answer 11

I imagine that you are well meaning..as a parent and regular child care provider i am going to guess that this is your first child..(?) Anyway i would say let her take her time to grow, everyone's personality is different, she is still very young..Don't sweat it!! Good Luck

PS.  Maybe she is like her father!

Answer 12

meet some of the other kids' parents and have a get-together. Some of it is that she doesn't know if you'll want her talking.....

Answer 13

Shes just a little shy, after a few weeks to a month or maby a few months she will get more comfortable with the kids and teachers and she will make friends, just give her a little time!

Answer 14

Make a play date at your house with a certain classmate once a week that way she'll be comfortable meeting this new friend and then that friends friends will become your childs friends and then everything will be peachy keen 'cause she'll turn into a social butterfly!

Answer 15

carpool with the other kids, play date, invite the teacher for dinner...just stuff to let your daughter know that these people are ok and she should be comfortable speaking with them

Answer 16

just give her time...she'll get used to it.

Answer 17

dangerous information above:

selective mutism does exist, but how in the WORLD can these posters be comfortable labeling a child they have never seen? crazy! It is a childhood disorder that is accompanied by anxious behaviors - withdrawl, sensitivities to noise and crowds.

A happy, laughing, smiling child is completely normal. give her some time. school just started.. not speaking when in a new crowd is something I do!

good luck!

Answer 18

I'm appalled at how often simple things like this get labeled as a "disorder" anymore. One would have to wonder how the human race survived without such diagnosis. Oftentimes it's just something made up so some company can sell you something (case in point, halitosis is a condition made up to sell mouthwash).

I agree that she's just shy and will get used to school. I was the same way. Setting regular playdates is an excellent idea, especially if she doesn't know many children around her age outside of school.

Answer 19

Hi, I'm not sure but I believe school just started this week, in which case this is a new situation for her. Does she speak in school AT ALL? I mean does she communicate about personal needs and such? If she seems happy and has no trouble speaking in other situations I wouldn't worry too much right now. It's more than likely just an adjustment period and she will be fine. I would suggest that you involve her teacher in helping her to settle in. The teacher may have some good ideas for her classroom, and if she is experienced I am sure she has seen this behavior before.

Best of wishes for you and your daughter. When my first child went to kindergarten I think it was as hard for me as it was for him!

Answer 20

My daughter didn't speak in kindergarten until after Christmas break! Let it go and let her get ready on her own. By making it an issue, you're telling her (however subliminally) that there is something wrong with her. There's nothing wrong, it's just her personality.

Honor her, and her choices. She'll talk when she needs to.

Answer 21

time and having play dates with one or two friends once a week

Answer 22

tell them to man up and do a push up or something

Answer 23

When she's ready to speak, she will speak; do not force her and make her think there is something wrong.