My daughter is 11 years old. dresses like a boy, shorts, baseball caps what to do? how to discuss with her?

Question

My daughter is 11 years old. dresses like a boy, shorts, baseball caps what to do? how to discuss with her?

Answer 1

Honestly I don't think you should say a thing about it.  If that's what she wants to wear there's really nothing wrong with it, she's 11.  It doesn't necessarily mean anything.  I was a tomboy when I was little, now I'm a grown woman who happily wears skirts and women's suits at work, dresses on special occasions, and jeans and t-shirts at home.  I'm also happily married and dressing like a tomboy when I was little had nothing to do with my sexuality (I am and have always been straight), it was just more comfortable and I wasn't as worried about getting my clothes dirty when I was playing outside, plus I wore looser fitting more boyish clothes for a few years when I hit puberty to hide my b***s, lol!  

I think discussing it with her will just make it into an issue when it doesn't need to be.  She'll just keep wearing those clothes out of defiance anyway.  Just let her be herself and don't try to force her to define herself this young, her tastes will change many times as she grows up.  Who knows, maybe one of these days you'll go shopping and she'll be in the mood for something girly.  The way I see all these middle schoolers dressing lately, you should just be glad she isn't wearing tube tops and mini skirts.

Answer 2

let her be her. just leave her alone

Answer 3

What's to discuss??  If that is how she is comfortable dressing why make an issue of it.  Lots of girls that age dress like that and don't want to dress all "girly".   Don't make her feel bad about herself by commenting negatively on the way she chooses to dress.

Answer 4

so shes a tomboy whats wrong with that, not all girls grow up to be little princesses.

I have a daughter now and I'm sticking her in pink all the time while i have the chance cause shes not old enough to choose LOL,

don't stress, shes just not prissy thats all, and if shes like just one of the boys you'll have less worries about boyfriends cause she'll just want to hang and be mates

Answer 5

why do you buy her those clothes

arent you the mom?

Answer 6

Let her dress how she wants. You shouldn't force someone to dress in something they're not comfortable in, especially an 11-year old.

Answer 7

She's 11 and has her own style. Nothing to be concerned about.

Answer 8

she is being practical  -no need for any big talk! Let her be her own person.

Answer 9

Obviously that is what she feels comfortable wearing. Let her be her and eventually she will grow out of it. She is just a kid who isn't worried about how to look good. Besides aren't you the one who bought her the clothes that she is rocking?

Answer 10

She's a tomboy, she will grow out of it once she discovers boys

Answer 11

lol, my little girl is the same way.  Sometimes there could be an alterior motive to this, but not often.  My daughter does this to get attention from her father.  I talk to my daughter and let her know just how special she is, no matter what she is wearing.  Just let her know that you support her no matter what kind of clothes she wants to wear.  I used to buy my daughter all sorts of boy stuff.  But after we started talking, and time went on, she started throwing a fit if she couldn't have something frilly.  I still keep in mind that she tends to be a tomboy, and it is amazing the types of toys that are out now.  I got my daughter a Polly Pocket race to the mall set and she was so excited, hot pink race cars climbing an escalator in a mall racing through the stores, she loved it and she appreciated the fact that I wasn't trying to change her.  Just love your daughter, that is all she needs, she will change on her own when she wants to!

Answer 12

Shorts and baseball caps are not necessarily boys clothing at all.  I'm not sure what there is to discuss...it's just clothing..she likes it..what is the problem?

Answer 13

I see people at my school dress like that all the time.  There more of sort of like the " cooler kids " I mean what do you want her to do wear pink from head to toe?

Answer 14

What should you do: Nothing.

How to discuss with her:  What?  What is there to discuss?  She likes to dress like a boy.

Let me ask you something:  What are you so worried about?  Are you worried that she will grow up to be a L*****n or a female-to-male transsexual (like that freaky dude Thomas Beattie)?

And if you have an answer to that, let me ask you another question:  What's so wrong about being a L*****n or an female-to-male transsexual?  Do you think that she would be an evil person for liking girls or for not feeling comfortable in her own body/requiring surgery to correct her body dysphoria?

IF so--and that's a big IF, because I don't know your daughter and YOU certainly can't know what's going on in her mind--then why would that make a difference to you?  So long as you both have a relationship of mutual respect between yourselves, i.e. you respect her and she respects you as a parent, then there isn't anything wrong with who she is discovering that she is (IF she is).  the worst thing that you can do is forbid her to "be herself", i.e., wearing the clothes she wants/dressing the way she wants, because all you're going to do is facilitate a feeling of resentment and initiate a cycle of rebellion that you're DEFINITELY not going to like when she hits puberty/gets to be a teenager.  of course, there will be some resentment and rebellion ANYWAY, but that's par for the course of raising a child that grows into a teen.

I think, that if you really are concerned about this, you could be honest about your questions.  Ask her up front, and be tactful about it, if there's anything she thinks she needs to tell someone but is afraid to because she thinks she'll be rejected or discouraged.  You can do this rather casually.

"Honey (or your daughter's name, whatever), I see you like to dress rather tomboyish.  Is there anything else to this, or do you just like wearing boy clothes?"  And be reassuring that you would never reject your daughter if indeed she did come clean about some feelings that -you- can't relate to.

I know many lesbians and they're not evil/scary/not all of them are tomboys.  I know many female-to-male transsexuals/transgendered men, and they're not all like that dude Thomas Beattie on Oprah (did you happen to see the Oprah of a few years ago, where she had an 11-year-old transssexual female-to-male?  He was adorable, and his parents were very accepting and loving and you could tell that they had a very functional family).  While their lives are often tougher to live, it's only tougher to live because of the rejection they get from society and their families for being who they are.  Trust me, you do not want to be the parent of an estranged GLBT child and it really, really stinks to be the child of parents how reject you because of who you are or identify as.

So really as I see it, the only thing -truly- up for discussion is that you will support your daughter in however she feels like she should dress in order to feel comfortable in her own body.

Answer 15

i think that is jus a phase i have a sister and a cusin that USE tod dress like that but know they are older and now they dress more fenimin than i do IT JUST A PHASE im only 14 but i think im right

Answer 16

let her wear it....she may be starting to get attention from boys that she is uncomfortable with. let her be a kid and be happy she's not showing all the goods like some 11 year olds do.

Answer 17

Show her the facts, find a naked picture of a male and female doing it, and two girls makeing out, and then a picture of her and ask which one would she rather be, and maybe just let her be who she wants to be.

Answer 18

...What's wrong with that? It sounds perfectly fine to me. All the kids are wearing these to school these days. She'll grow out of it

Answer 19

leave her be. She does not need to be the same as everyone else. She will change when she is ready

Answer 20

With both of my girls I tend to address issues like this only if SHE has issues with it.  Is she being teased?  Is she unhappy with it?  If not I say let her go.  I was a "tomboy" although I hate that word, why do females have to be all girly if they don't want to?  If it bothers you, if she needs to dress up at different times to be appropriate (IE church /Grandmas) see if you can agree on slacks, capris, gouchos, something other than dresses if she is not into them.  There's a whole new fashion segment of girls called "skater girls' who just aren't into dresses.  If she's happy, well adjusted, a resonable student etc...you've done a great job!

Answer 21

Why would you want to "discuss" this with her.  If you tell her how to dress or what to do, you are only limiting her.  Let her grow up to be the person she chooses to be, so she can be independent and have self confidence.  If you start telling her there is a certain way she is supposed to dress or act or whatever, she will either rebel against it, making you and her both bitter, or she will accept it and do as you would like of her, but she won't be happy.