My daughter is 3 and her behaviour is out of control?

Question

my daughter is nearly 4 and for the last few months she has been getting up really early despite her not going to sleep till about 9 at night, and pouring conditioner on the bathroom floor, putting full toilet rolls down the toilet, drawing on her bedroom walls with whatever she can find and pulling clothes out of her wardrobe. in an attempt to conquer the problem i have tried everything imaginable including time out, reward charts for good behaviour, the silent treatment and taking away her favourite toys. after trying all the above i did a course in positive parenting to see if their were any strategies i had not tried. after trying what was advised with no success i am left wondering whether this will ever get any better.

Answer 1

no not out of control..shes simply pushing the boundaries/and /or experimenting, maybe she will be a future scientist to make u proud!  but seriously,once in nursey school she will soon calm as long as your firm and ONLY reward good behaviour--giving very minimal attention[obviously a firm verbal ticking off 1st followed by]-straight back to bed-however many times it takes-BE CONSISTANT this time will pass--everyday she is another day older-hurrah!  ooh get savvy about hiding the fun stuff to play with--shampoo etc...best of luck!

Answer 2

Well I think that she plays gets tired,rests and then she gets her Energy back and then she stays up till 9:00 and then gos to sleep. that is what happens to my child.

Answer 3

Consult her pediatrician and/or a mental health expert who specializes in dealing with small children. There might be a medical problem at the root of her behavior that hasn't been diagnosed yet.

Answer 4

You probably don't think it's a good idea, but I'd spank mine. I had the problem with my sons putting things in the toilet, writing on walls and trying to stick things in outlets. After I spanked them for that once, I never had those problems again.

Answer 5

Watching nanny 911 may help you  out a bit:) Also ask your daughter why she insists on having those behaviors as she is practicing them. She may reveal something helpful. So many times the reason that children act out the way that they do is in direct proportion to how much the parents are listening to them.

However if this fails to provide any results or enlightenment, fit the discipline to the crime. If she is pouring conditioner on the floor make her clean it up. EVERY time she is practicing a behavior that is inappropriate, FOLLOW THROUGH!!!!!! This is the key! I know it's hard to be a softy because she is probably really cute and adorable, but discipline is a must!!!!

I hope this helps:)

~M

Answer 6

We had a baby gate on our sons bedroom door forever because he was an early morning wanderer. That solved the problem with him being unsupervised and potentially in danger - but he still played with everything in his bedroom, they grow out of it though, just like they grow out of taking all their clothes off and biting when they are babies and toddlers.

It doesn't sound particularly "abnormal" to me, but you're awfully worried about it, you even took a parenting course - can't you just fold her clothes back up in the morning with her? she'll get bored of it if she knows that by doing it, she will consign herself to an hour of clothing duty every day.

The easiest way to stop them from drawing on the walls, btw, is to keep the crayons downstairs and get them out when it's time to draw.

Answer 7

put her back in a cot or crib.

tell her thats where babies sleep.

babies do all the bad things you listed...

tell her when she grows up and behaves, she can have her nice big bed back!

Answer 8

Something that I think will help you a lot is to try to fix the *cause* of the problem, not it's symptoms.  Unfortunately, this takes some extra work and thought on your part.  There isn't a set way to do that like there is with positive reinforcements or negative reinforcements.  

The problem isn't that she is doing all of that stuff.  The problem is why is she doing it.  Think of it as if you were ill.  When you go to the doctor you need him to treat the cause of your illness, not your symptoms.  If he just treats the symptoms you have to wait for the problem to clear itself up or kill you.  Make sense?

So, figure out (1) why she is waking up so early, (2) why she gets up instead of going back to sleep, and (3) why she is terrorizing your house.  

There are tons of reasons why she might wake up early.  Maybe it's too light in her room, she is too tired and didn't sleep well, she's thirsty, she has to use the bathroom, she slept in an uncomfortable position etc.  As you try to deal with the problem experiment and work with your daughter to try to figure out why she's getting up early.  

If she is getting up super early (before 5-6 or so) work on finding out why she gets up instead of falls back to sleep.  It might be light out so she thinks its time to get up, she might need to get a drink, she might need to use the bathroom, she might need to get circulation back in her body... but chances are it's because she gets time alone to do whatever she wants in the house.  Everyone values some alone time, and she has found that she gets some in the mornings.  Now try to fix this.  Work in some "her" time during the day.  You can also try to establish a bunch of things that she *can* do when she wakes up early.  Get up in the morning about the time that she would get up, tell her she can do X, Y, and Z, then go back to bed.  Leave it up to her to do them.  

As you do all of that, try to figure out why she insists on making a mess of the house.  My guess is that she knows all of those things are bad for her to do, but not why they are bad.  Pouring conditioner on the bathroom floor has obvious reasons of why it's bad to adults, but not to kids.  They learn from messes, so that isn't bad.  They don't understand money and buying things and how it comes into the house; to her things kind of just appear.  You go to the store and bring back what you need, so she doesn't understand about wasting and replacing.  She probably hasn't learned that it can be dangerous if she slips in it, nor does she understand that it's a pain to clean up.  Do you see where I'm going here?  All of the things she's doing she knows are "bad", but she doesn't understand why.  Pulling clothes out of her closet isn't bad to her because she knows that they can just be hung back up and everything is fine.

So, what do you do?  Involve her in fixing the problems she creates.  Don't yell, don't be mean, don't be upset, just be factual.  She spills conditioner on the floor, so she has to help you clean it up.  Pull out two wash clothes, ask her which one she wants to use, and have her help you clean it up.  When she pulls her clothes out of her closet teach her that she needs to hang them back up.  Really this isn't a horrible thing for her to be doing, it's just obnoxious for you.  When she stuffs toilet paper down the toilet teach her that it can make the toilet not work.  Tell her that all of the toilet paper gets stuck inside and it can't flush.  Then let her experience the consequence of the toilet not working.  She can use another bathroom in your house, her potty training potty etc.

Treat the symptoms by having her help you fix them.  Coloring on the walls isn't so fun when she has to help clean it up and probably isn't worth it.  Yes, this takes time, patience, and persistence on your part, but it works really well, I promise.

Answer 9

Wow!  My daughter, who is 3 also, does the same exact things.  I mean down to the conditioner and the t.p. in the toilet.  I don't think you are doing anything wrong.  I work with preschool children everyday and the worst ones to deal with are ALL 3, especially the girls - girls are so much harder. She is just seeing what things do and "cause and effect" (makes you mad though).  I would just tell you to keep up with the time outs and be consistant.  She will be 4 soon - I can't wait for mine to turn 4 and get out of this phase.  It's nothing you are doing wrong... it's her phase and you are not alone!  Good luck!!  

Answer 10

Your daughter is *definitely* overtired.  She should be getting a total of 12 hours of sleep per day, about 10 1/2 hours at night and a nap of 1 1/2 hours (or 11 1/2 hours per night if she no longer naps).  Please see this website for typical sleep schedules for children:

http://www.thesleeplady.com/home03.htm

You can try putting her to bed 10-15 minutes earlier every night until her bedtime is much earlier (like around seven p.m. so she can get 11 or 12 hours sleep before she wakes up at six or seven), and if she can take a nap in the afternoons it should start between twelve and two p.m.  This may take some training if she's not used to it, but it can definitely be done.  Please note that putting your child to sleep earlier will make her sleep LATER, not the reverse; this has to do with the hormones produced by the body when people (both children and adults) become overtired, and it's by avoiding overtiredness, and thereby the production of these hormones, that good bedtimes can become re-established.

I highly recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" for more information about the causes and symptoms of overtiredness, and techniques for getting your child to go to bed early and take naps.  The funny thing is, once she's on a better sleep schedule she'll be much happier and will actually enjoy going to bed most of the time.  It's also important to remember that by "forcing" her, at first, to get enough sleep, you're actually doing her a huge favor that will benefit her for the rest of her life.  

Finally, make sure your little one is not eating too much sugar or consuming any caffeine.  Sugar can even come in the form of white flour (because it's digested so quickly and gives energy surges, much like sugar) so that should be limited too.  Oh, and sugary drinks, it's good to get rid of them altogether.  If your daughter likes fruit juice try adding some water, and try getting the kind that's cloudy (organic, usually) rather than clear (Minute Maid, etc.).

It's obvious that you care about your child's well-being and want to help her.  Good luck!