My daughter is 5 years old and starts kindergarten in the fall and gets picked on by the girl next door.?

Question

The other little girl is also 5, but will turn 6 in Aug and starts 1st grade in the fall. This girl was an only child until recently and is very manipulative with everyone around her. She seems to take pleasure in being in control and at the center of attention. Last summer my daughter would cry when things happened. This summer she has started to just let the little girl walk all over her. The little girl jumped in my daughter's Barbie Jeep and when my daughter jumped in to ride with her, she told her to get out. My daughter just let her drive away. When I asked her to bring the Jeep back, she kept going and eventually stopped and left the Jeep in her yard and just stood there staring at me. We would rather our daughter not play with her, yet my daughter loves to play with her inspite of the treatment. We feel as though we are punishing our child when the other girl isn't being nice and we make them take a break. We're really not sure what to do...they are right next door.

Answer 1

If your daughter is getting upset and can't handle it on her own, or the child is hurting your daughter or breaking things, I'd step in and just tell the kid to cut it out (and politely and non-judgmentally tell the kid's parents about ongoing problems).  However, stuff like the jeep incident are pretty common, and since your daughter doesn't seem bothered I wouldn't really sweat it.  I'd personally just coach your daughter on things to say when stuff like that happens ("well, it's my jeep, so I'm going to stay in, but we can both ride in it together....").  I think parents can do their kids a disservice by jumping in at the least sign of adversity.  Kids usually manage to work that kind of problem out.

Answer 2

You cannot control anothers child, you are not her parent. You have no say in how they raise her, but this child will find problems later on. Also, going over to the parents will not help. This will just cause future problems. It's better your child learns early on that people in this world are mean, and she just needs to suck it up and realize that she cannot control someone else's actions. It's the horrible truth that EVERY kid will get picked on, and they all have to learn to be the bigger person. So sit her down and tell her that what they are saying is not true, but that what they say is something she cannot control, and that she just has to move on. That's really it.

Answer 3

I'd get right in that kid's face and say "If you can't be nice to my kid, you can't play here anymore." She sounds like a terror.

Answer 4

oh man, I am pregnant with my first baby and hoping its a girl..I dread to have to come to these things cause I hate confirtations....well because we are adults I would go over and talk to her mother. Tell her what is going on and give her some examples of what she is doing..be polite and sweet. If she is embarrassed enough that her five yr old daughter is already getting complaints maybe she will take her inside and talk to her about things..they are still young but this one seems like a little brat. And if that doesnt work then yeah I would tell her to play nice with your daughters things or go home and not play anymore. I think the only reason your daughter likes to play with her is because she is the only one to play with I am sure that when she starts school, you will find that another lil girl lives right around the corner and will want to play with her more cause she isnt mean to her...i know the other one is convienent being right there but if the lil brat is going to be mean than try to get her into something else by her self until she goes to school.

Answer 5

I think you need to explain her behavior with her parents, they can discipline her for acting mean. DON'T YELL AT HER  or she may just act way meaner than she did before.

--Good Luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like you will be disciplining the neighbors child more than your own.  That can get irritating rather quickley.  Maybe you could talk to your neighbor about how she might approach this issue since its their daughter.  

Otherwise, I would try to set up some play dates with the other kids in the neighborhood and limit the play time with the neighbor.

Answer 7

You can ask your daughter questions she can give an honest answer to;  relieving her own bewilderment without any scenes. Keeping it friendly, and light, but she'll know you understand.

"Is our girl next door still bossing everyone around?"

"Do you think she's always going to be a bit pushy?"

"How'd you get on today?"

"Is she fun most of the time?"

She'll get the message that you understand its not easy with the neighbour, but that's who she's got next door, and its not a matter of choice for either of  you. Children don't over-analyse things if they feel safe at home. They have to play with someone, and its always the one closest to hand. For better or worse.  Maybe learning to deal intelligently  with the creature next door can be a bonus for her. Best thing is they grow up. Your daughter will get older and more able to speak up for herself if you have helped her.  At their age, you can stay in earshot and referee. That's okay.

Answer 8

Why isn't this girl's mother or father supervising while she plays? Or are you the babysitter?  It is common for kids this age to act that way - however she shouldn't get away with it and her mom or dad should be saying something!!  My daughter can be the same way sometimes (she's 7).  Will let other kids walk over her and not "put up a fight".  She'll come and tell me though.  She, and your daughter too, probably just doesn't like confrontation.  You have to be more firm with this girl.  She is probably not used to adults disiplining her - she is an only child after all, they can be spoiled.   If you're not close with the parents, and feel ackward saying something, then tell the girl that she can't play unless her mom and dad are outside too.  Then if the girl does something inappropriate and the parents see and don't say anything, then yell at the girl.  The parents will see this and probably step in.  They probably don't think she is doing anything wrong.  My only-child-who-does-no-wrong syndrome.

After your additional details:  I would then talk to your child.  Ask her if she likes how this girl treats her.  Does she think she's mean.  If yes, ask her why she plays with her then.  I know, you'll probably get the "I don't know" answer.  Try to explain that this girl isn't nice and maybe she shouldn't play with her for awhile.  Another option is to try to teach your child what to do when something mean happens.  When I saw something like that happen to my child, I would tell her discreetly what to say, and she would say it.  Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.  But this friend knows she can boss your child around, and that is why she does it.  Also, try to set up playdates with kids from her Kindergarten class.  Have her play with other kids besides the mean girl.  Also, shame on her parents.  I would probably get to a breaking point and just start yelling at the mom - " don't you see what your daughter just did?  Do you think that is right?"

Answer 9

Try to find another playmate in the neighborhood. Maybe the reason your daughter wants to play with her is becuase there are no toher kids to play with.

Or enroll her in some sort of class for kids her age, there she can meet new kids her age, and she'd have something that would keep her away from the girl. You could try gymnastics, joining a chorus, a pottery class for kids her age. Ask her waht she wants to do. It could be a class for parents and kids. And you guys could spend time together while she meets new friends.

Answer 10

What are the other little girl's parents like? Could you talk to them about the problems? if not, maybe you could let them play together, but keep an eye on them and everytime the other little girl behaves badly you could bring your daughter in. This way, it might teach the other little girl she doesn't get to play with your daughter if she misbehaves.

Good luck!

Answer 11

My son had a "friend" at school like that.  The "friend" was constantly picking on my son saying he hates his clothes and if he didn't do such and such then he couldn't go to his birthday party, etc.  One day I went in and this kid came right up to my son and started to pull his coat open so he could see his shirt.  I squatted down and said in a firm but calm voice, "You need to be nice to Logan!"  

The bad kid also said things like his dad has a gun and he's going to come to our house and kill our baby.  I spoke to the teachers about that and they confronted the mother.

If I were you I would have a meeting with this girl's parents.  Tell them your concerns and that if she isn't going to be nice then she isn't allowed to come over and play with your daughter's toys.  AND that if she does come into your yard and does something mean, you're going to call them to come get her.  If it continues then you should get in the kid's face and tell her to be nice to your daughter and if she doesn't start being nice she isn't allowed to come over anymore or use your daughter's toys.

It's really hard to watch your child be bullied. :(  Do be an active parent and don't let your kid handle it herself because nothing is ever solved that way.

Answer 12

All the answers are good.  Since you didn't mention moving as an option you will be dealing with this for a long time. But I'll bet you are little concerned about the kids going to school together when you won't be around.

In addition to doing what the other posters said I think enrolling your daughter in a good martial arts progarm will help  her confidence, her ability to know when things matter and focus as well as help her in school.  

If she is already learning to be passive she is going to be bullied by more than just one and she needs to learn when to be passive and when to be assertive.

The plus side to a course like that is she can make some new additional friends.

Answer 13

The relationship between your daughter and the neighbor girl is not healthy.  The neighbor is not treating your daughter as an equal.  I would limit the amount of time that your daughter plays with her.  Lay down some ground rules so she knows you aren't letting her get away with it.  And I would micromanage and correct her behavior so your daughter doesn't suffer any with self-esteem as you have been doing.  I would supervise their interactions.  This intervention is for your daughter's benefit and will only be short term for the neighbor since her parents aren't teaching her appropriate social behavior at home.  This girl will grow up to have more issues that eventually her parents won't be able to handle.