My daughter is 6 and lacks empathy, is this normal and will she grow out of it?

Question

I recently married and moved to FL. We haven't even been here for 1 month and my mother in law passed away two nights ago. While my husband and I were crying she was demanding other food than what I made for lunch and dinner, laughing and singing while playing with balloons, demanding to watch the avatar, and just as happy as happy can be. It is true that we hadn't spent much time with my mother is law, but the fact that she can see her parents being so sad shouldn’t she at least resist being so demanding. I would like to take her places like sea world or Disney or another place, but I can't reward her for this.

Her Punishments:

1) time out for 6 min, if its just a habit.

2) standing on her knees on tile for 2 min, if she is defiant.

3) spanked on the bottom if she refuses, with a flip flop three times, and then is starts again.

4) lectures that follow all punishments.

She is rewarded with a toy, an outing to the ice cream shop, and such.

Is there anything else I can do?

Answer 1

shes only 6 shes not gonna get it

Answer 2

I am so sorry for you and your husbands  loss. I understand it was painful. Your daughter may also be exhibiting behavior to distract you, so she will not be uncomfortable.Try to explain the concept of death following with your beliefs. Explain to her the proper etiquette for a situation. Also review some of the actions she exhibited during this time and ask her what she could have done instead. After she is punished do NOT reward her. It will only encourage the same behavior to receive the toy. I know that is a tough situation! Good luck!

Answer 3

If she is really being as difficult as you say she is, skip the 1st two steps and give her a much sounder spanking than usual.  She may not have empathy for other people, but a sore butt will help her understand what the pain you and your husband are going through is like, especially if you explain it like that.

Answer 4

Death is a touchy subject with anyone I'm sorry for your husbands and your loss....

6 is still young to comprehend the depths of what you and your new husband are going through....don't take it as she has no empathy....has she ever showed empathy for other things that have happened...everyone grieves differently she could be acting out because she feels uncomfortable..i wouldn't punish her for that I would talk to her about what's happened and ask her how she feels about everything...just a suggestion...clearly you don't need the added aggravation right now ... but being a parent never stops as we all know..:)

Answer 5

You sound so rigid! lighten up. she is 6 years old, she doesn't even understand her emotions, much less how to express them, she doesn't really understand the concept of death. maybe she was acting up because she didn't understand what was going on and was uncomfortable.

not trying to sound rude but have you considered taking a parenting class? Your daughter could truly benefit from it. Why would you make a child stand on her knees on tile? a 6 yr old stops listening after about 1 minute. You dont need to "lecture" her. give her a simple explanation. then show some love and understanding. Try not to reward with "things" so much. Extra time with you, like a board game with you or a big hug and "im proud of you" will do her more good.

Answer 6

2) standing on her knees on tile for 2 min, if she is defiant.

3) spanked on the bottom if she refuses, with a flip flop three times, and then is starts again

OK just so you know those two, p**s CPS off.

to the empathy question: If she didn't know her then she will not notice her  missing. As for your crying being upset. She could be trying for attention because your not giving it to her. If she is an only child and accustomed to all the attention then this is annoying her. On the other hand she could have a type of autism and if she continues to show this lack of empathy you may wish to take her to a doctor and see.

Answer 7

Hi, as a mom of 5, two with special needs, I do have a couple of suggestions.

First, I'm not certain that lack of empathy was the real issue here.  You and your husband were in a lot of pain over your loss, and your daughter is a 6 year old child.

As you know 6 yr. olds can be demanding under the best of situations, so her behavior probably wasn't much different that day," just the circumstances".

Sometimes as parents we need to take a step back and see if what we're expecting of our child, is based on age appropriate behavior, or our own needs.  A six year old is incapable of meeting the needs of 2 grieving adults. Period.

I know that's probably not what you wanted to hear, especially since you're probably still hurting over your loss,  but it's true.

As far as your method of "Punishment".  Deep Breath.

Time out and consistancy are usually "all" it takes.  Take her to a time out "space", tell her why (once), and then stop talking.  If she leaves the space, put her back without speaking....keep it up (calmly) until she spends her 6 minutes.  Then go to her, explain again why she was placed there, tell her you love her, and ask for a    "sorry".  Repeat if necessary.  Sounds like you have quiet a list, some of it probably not a good idea or necessary, adding to your frustration.  Oh, and  stop the rewarding with "Stuff".  Your time and hugs, a special walk to the park, or a longer storytime....No buy offs, or you'll have a bigger problem by the time she's 13!!!!  Keep it simple, calm, and always loving, and you'll end up with some truely incredible induviduals like mine!