My daughter is 9 yr old and mouths back,throws temper tantrums and is disrespectful...Help?

Question

we tried to grab her arm to get her attention to turn her towards us and immediately she says"your abusive" We have never spanked our kids. every day there is drama and it esculates to screaming. She never helps out for chores, even with a "chart" We try rewarding her, she will be good for the reward, then back to screaming, and mouthing back and thinking "you just want me to die don't you" "you hate me" I have tried the one on one special days which she is great, then once we get home it's back to drama. I can't take any more of this"

Answer 1

spend some more time with her. maybe she needs more attention.  maybe take away privileges. if it gets real bad. if u spank her, shes only going to get scared of  u so no spanking

Answer 2

Sigh up for some Nanny 101 or super nanny. you need help and fast!

Answer 3

Sounds like its time to start a new discipline routine. I'd involve spanking, but then I'd not allow my kid to talk back either. Go to the local library and get some parenting books to read. There are tons of different techniques out there, so something will work for you. For now, I'd suggest taking all fun away (electronics, tv, toys, etc) and make her earn them back slowly with good behavior. I'd also try to talk to her about how she's acting and see if you can find out why she's behaving this way. When she gets bratty, I'd send her to her room so she doesn't have an audience and you don't have to listen to her temper fit.

Answer 4

Your daughter sounds like a spoilt child.You should spend some quality time with your daughter.the next day,introduce the naughty corner.Then,introduce the yellow card and the red card(just like in soccer,Yellow is the warning card and red means that they go to the naughty corner).the naughty corner is a seat in a crner facing the wall.if she still does it give her a pad and tell her to write down her multiplication sums.If she does not co-operate, then tell her to sit in the study with the lights closed or a room  with nothing in it.then tell her"Dont do that because  you should be paying respect to me."in a calm voice.she will sulk.Just do this repetitive and she should calm down in a while or threaaten to put her in a boarding school.Put her into a boarding school for a month and she WILL calm down but it has to be a strict boarding school.

Answer 5

Sounds like your daughter is spoiled. If shes like this at 9, you better be cracking down hard now before she gets older. Set some rules now and tell her the consequences and stick with it. Its for her own good.

Answer 6

Show her that your her mother! You need to take charge of your daughter. She probably needs your attention or more privileges

for example instead of saying here wear this i picked it out! let her choose her clothes. Or perhaps its boys teasing or the common cold, crushes or nonacceptance from friends. Talk to her teacher to see if shes having any problems with bullies or something. Maybe even bring her to a school counselor.

HOPE THIS HELPS! :):):):):):)

Answer 7

She goes to a government school doesn't she. Some wacko weirdo therapist/counselor has been poisoning her mind against family values - and for government values.

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Time for "Total Transformation" and I would seriously get her out of what ever school she is going to. Have her drug tested.

Answer 8

like i see it you basically have 2 choices...

1) go hard *** on her, when she screams send her to her room or something, when she protests to that take away privleges (playing with friends tv etc.) she may get REALLY mad at this and tell her that she brought this on herself, also (this could count in the same category) start yelling and screaming at her, when she gets mad ask her "do you not like me when i do this?" of course she will say yes then you say "well sweaty you have to realize that this is how your acting to your father and i, so you can stop acting like that and be polite and i will be polite right back or you can continue throwing fits and i will through fits right back.

2) Do the exact opposite of what i just sad, be sweet kind, sesitive, loving (I'm sure your already all of those things but bring it up a notch) when she throughs a fit just tell her "sweaty please don't"

there is one thing that can go way wrong with each of these, with the first one she can start to hate you for being so strict, with the second one she can start to think that you are a softy and she can start to like try to boss you around and stuff. sorry i couldn't be of more help but i do hope that this will help even a little good luck =)

Answer 9

if you don't want to smack her threthen her. chace her to her room with a spoon in your hand. it worked when my mom did it to me.

Answer 10

I'd not respond to her drama in kind.  Always speak softly, don't allow her to pull you into a screaming match. She is a little girl and you are a grown woman, do not allow her to manipulate you.

Do not reward her for doing chores, chores are what everyone in the family HAS to do so that the house runs smoothly.

Have firm consequences for her actions.  She screams at you and throws a tantrum, let her know if she wants to act like a two year old she will be treated like one. Two year old's don't use the phone, watch tv or listen to cd's.  Be consistant. Hang in there.

Answer 11

it is time for you to let her know who the boss is .tough love .no more rewards and one on ones.start taking away things one by one for bad behavior,and ignore the tantrums.you have to stay firm.do not give in or you will be back at square one.

Answer 12

You don't say how many children you have.  But it seems that as long as she has your undivided attention she is fine.   Is she the middle child?  Is she the baby?

But although she is giving you drama, it is you, who is the problem. Who is the parent?  She is doing all this because you are letting her.   She behaves long enough to get the "reward".  She has a special outing with mom, but once the day is over, she is once again a hellion on wheels.

Where is the disipline?  She is wreaking havoc in your home and being rewarded for it.  Have you ever, on your outing days, just went out for burgers and talked?  asked her why, she performs the way she does?  She just may tell you if you ask her?  Then, you have to figure out your own game plan.  Have you ever deprived her of priviledges?  No tv?  No outside playtime?  How about suffering the consequences of her actions?  That has never happened has it?  You have to figure out what she likes, what she likes to do, and these are the things that you have to deprive her of.  It is not fair that the other children have chores, but she does no chores.  And yet, she suffers no consequences for not partaking in household chores with everyone else.  Are the other children not complaining?  It is long overdue for you to come up with a game plan, that does not include rewards.

Answer 13

Take absolutely every priviledge away and make her earn them all back.  No TV, no computer, no special snacks, no shopping, no toys, no movies, no parties,no new clothes. EVERYTHING!  You need to sit down with her privately, together as a unit and put your foot down.  Tell her, her behavior is unacceptable, you will no longer tolerate it and then both of you take a firm stand.  Unless you do this now, you're going to have even bigger problems in the very near future. Then you have a family meeting to let your other children know this is happening, why it's happening and it will happen to them too, if the occasion arises.

Answer 14

I think there are alot of details missing.  Are you saying she was fine until recently?  This type of behavior doesn't generally appear out of nowhere.  

I believe she is troubled by some past experience or a current circumstance that has left her feeling insecure.  You have to deal with her feelings before you can hope to correct her behavior.  I suggest counseling.

Answer 15

She is acting out and maybe angry about something and is "speaking in tantrem language ".     I would suggest to have her counseled by a professional counselor if talking it out doesn't work for her.

Answer 16

i have been the mother of a daughter who started this caper at 9 ish also.

at almost 14 and several counsellors, psychologists and even and psychiatrist...they say the same thing.

do not let her have control and take what necessary measures you can to prevent her from having control. easier said than done. i am always told, i hate you, how dare you think you can discipline me etc etc.

she has zero privileges, taken away all her things, send her to bed early, etc etc but still to no avail.

the verbal and now sometimes physical abuse is hard to bear and as a single parent everyday is a hard day.

the latest counselling psych is going to refer us to a paediatrician and hope he can help.

it is a constant nightmare for me.

thankfully my almost 12 yr old boy is a breeze and adds light and shade to the constant dramas.

Answer 17

It looks like she is over due for a spanking. I know you said she never has been before, but she really needs it.

Just a couple of hard swats over your knee should get the message across. Although you may have to do again and again until she behaves better.

Answer 18

well, if rewarding doesnt help try discipline you dont have to hit her what so ever but try grounding her yes she"s young but she"ll get the point no phone no having friends over etc.

once she starts behaving better you can go back to rewarding because she then knows  that you can at any moment go back to disciplining her for being bad instead of rewarding her for being good.

also you should sit her down and ask whats wrong when she"s upset and yelling. ask her why she believes you hate her.