My daughter is a DRAMA QUEEN and she lies all the time..?

Question

My daughter is 9 soon to be 10 in sept, she over dramatizes EVERYTHING, and she has told so many lies, that now I dont know what to believe!!! She cries cause she says I never believe her, sometimes i feel guilty, thinking Im being a jerk, and I believe her, and it turns out that she was lying. So now i really cannot believe what she says, and I dont know what to do, we dont have that great of a mother/daughter relationship. How can I get her to stop telling lies? Is it just a phase she's going through? Does it get better when she gets older? or does it get worse? I dont remember doing this stuff to my mom!!! please help!! Any ideas on fun/non expensive stuff her and I can do together?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

If it's not properly nurtured and fixed, the problem could definitely get worse as she becomes a teenager.

In my opinion, it sounds like she is desperately struggling and aching to get some attention. What is her family life like? Are you a single parent? You are totally *not* to blame, but sometimes kids are just starving for attention and love, especially as they start to enter into puberty. She might just really be needing some extra attention and time spent with her.

At least temporarily, drop the arguing about lying. Sort of try to start over with her. Take her on a mother-daughter date to do something she really enjoys. Make a special day out of it, and during that day, tell her how important she is to you, and that you're sorry you haven't been getting along so great lately, but that you'd really like to start being closer again.

Then, make it a special day each week that you'll do something together, and start a tradition. Like, maybe one night a week you have a special movie night, where the two of you stay home no matter what and watch movies together and chat, etc.

If she's acting dramatic, that would be my best guess. As for the lying, just keep trying to explain to her that she must always tell you the truth, no matter what it is, and that you will only be able to help her through life if she is honest with you. Also explain, lovingly but sternly, that every time she is caught in a lie there will be consequences and punishment. Then, whenever it happens, follow through.

In my opinion, lying is not because she's trying to get attention. Just the drama and exaggeration is.

Some cheap fun stuff to do would be ... rent movies, or have "spa night" where you guys drink lemonade and sit around in bathrobes doing facials and painting your nails. If she's not too demanding, go to the mall ONLY to window shop. Show her how fun window shopping can be. Go play miniature golf together. Go to the airport and watch planes take off. Visit a local aquarium or zoo. Go to the library together, and check out books that are interesting to each of you, then when you get home, read them while sitting in the living room together and then have a 'book club' meeting where you each discuss the book you read. Bake stuff, or cook together. If you live in an area that has farms, go pick berries or tomotoes together.

Some of my best memories w/my mom were baking with her, going to the library and picking berries. All of those things are very cheap to do! We also did craft projects together sometimes too, which was also fun. You could do jigsaw puzzles, play board games, have game night, etc.

Good luck to you!

p.s. Of course, if it continues, you may want to seek therapy. The reason I didn't recommend that right away, is because an acquaintance's child has the same behavior you're describing, and after having the kid in therapy for 4 years, the child's behavior has done nothing but get worse - she's now a teenager. In my opinion this acquaintance's child is emotionally neglected by her parents, but they don't seem to want to do anything about that part of the equation (that does NOT sound like you at all). They are both very social, have extremely busy professional lives (each work 12-15 hours a day even though they don't really have to) and in IMO don't spend nearly enough time with their kid. The kid's tossed from one parent to the other (they're divorced) and stuffed into one afterschool or weekend activity after another, to which she's driven by her nanny. They sort of just 'stuck her in therapy' when she started acting out. Of course, in your case if what you try doesn't work and the problems still continue, it will be necessary to get a therapist. But I didn't want to just blindly suggest getting her in therapy, because in my personal experience, and in my experience as a teacher, in a lot of cases, when the parents started spending more time with their kids on a stable, consistent and regular basis, these problems greatly decreased. In some cases, of course, the kids themselves just have problems and therapy is necessary, so definitely don't rule that out!! But in my honest opinion, there are way too many kids who are stuck in therapy these days by their parents, as if it is some sort of quick fix - because therapy is yet another activity the parents don't have to really be bothered with themselves - they can just have the babysitter take them and tell themselves they've done all they can. Even if they do attend the sessions, the sessions are at the most weekly and for one hour. And if they do nothing else, the kid will still continue to ache for their parents, and act out in order to achieve that attention. I've seen it a million times in today's hurting kids. Like I said, this is TOTALLY not you, since you're here asking about good ideas on how to spend more quality time with your daughter and researching on how to help her! But I just wanted to explain why I wasn't so hasty to tell you to put her in therapy.

Also, I'm not sure why I got the 2 thumbs down, but I wanted to also add that I was the child of a very wonderful, working single mother - so I don't have anything against single moms, if that's what people are thinking!!!!

One more thought... maybe try explaining to your daughter that as she gets older, if she acts this way around her peers it will make it harder for her to have good friends. She might not care how her lying and drama makes you feel, but she might be more responsive to how it could make her friends feel.

Answer 2

Why don't you talk to her school counselor about this.  She can call her in and talk to her and try to find out why she thinks she needs to lie.  The counselor will tell you if she thinks you need to take her for more extensive counseling. You probably aren't the only one she lies to, and she won't have any friends left if this continues.  Help her now.

Answer 3

Ever hear of puberty?  Ever go through it yourself?  Don't you remember yourself in puberty?  Ask YOUR mother how much of an angel you were.

Answer 4

you have absolutely got to teach her to stop because if she grows up she will be just like that and maybe worse but dont spoil her dont give her anything else thats nice or she will think that you dont care that shes lieing i should know i almost grew up to be like that but my mom didnt talk to me for a while and she teached me how to take responsibilty and be loyal, try this tecnique i do this for my children and they wonderful kids please try this and no it is not toreture. it really makes take themsleves think into their own actions!

Answer 5

4th grade girls lie. 2nd grade girls wine. In 5th grade they start to act s****.. In 6th grade you become an idiot that doesn't know anything. In 7th grade, as puberty starts setting in, they start to hate themselves. By about 10th grade or so they start to become human again.

How to stop the lying? Point out her lies with facts and without getting emotional. It will pass, especially when she knows she will not get away with it.

Answer 6

Kids seem to have a mind of there own. Don't they? But the lying will get worse when she's older. It seems to me that she is very manipulative. Studies shows that kids who lie are very intelligent. I guess that's something good. You need to tell her the consequences of lying. Why it's bad and why people shouldn't do it. And how honesty is the best policy. And whatever you do don't reprimand your child for telling the truth. You should punish her when she lies! But do not use this as the first option. Parents are often surprised how soft messages excel in impact over hard messages. For example, "You really hurt mom and dad when you lie," is often more effective than, "I'm really going to hurt you because you lied."  Here is a website that might be able to help you http://www.minti.com/parenting-advice/59... I hoped I helped! Good Luck!

Answer 7

Omg! are you my friends mom because this sounds just like her i hate my friend lol

Answer 8

o.0

"fun/non expensive stuff" is NOT going to help the issue of her lying all the time. Next she'll be stealing and lying about that too, provided she hasn't already.

Take her to councilling or therapy. Trust me....she needs it now before it gets too far gone.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry that you feel so yucky!  Here's an article I read lately....  It's kinda long..

A primary rule for parents when dealing with lying is

don't badger or corner children! Imagine you give a

child the third degree about whether or not he has

homework. He denies it six times and finally, after your

seventh question, he admits that he has some. What

has happened? By this time, of course, you are furious.

More important, however, you also have given your

child six times to practice lying! You may think to

yourself, "Sooner or later he'll realize he can't fool me and he'll give up." Wrong. Many children will continue to take the easy way out: they will simply attempt to become better liars.

Either You Know the Truth or You Don’t

Look at it this way: you either know the truth or you don't. If you don't know what is going on, ask once and don't badger. It's a good idea here not to ask "impulsively”. Many kids simply respond back impulsively. They lie, but their real desire is just to end the conversation, get rid of you, and stay out of trouble.

If you are going to ask, you might say something like, "I want you to tell me the story of what happened, but not right now. Think about it a while and we'll talk in fifteen minutes." If he tells you the story and you find out later that the child lied, punish him for whatever the offense was as well as for the lie. No lectures or tantrums. Deal with the problem and try to fix things—as much as you can—so that lying does not seem necessary to the child.

If you do know what has happened, tell him what you know and deal with it. If he has donesomething wrong that you know about, simply punish him reasonably for that and end the conversation with, "I'm sure you'll do better next time."

Keep Your Perspective

Some parents still prefer to ask a child what happened—even when they already know what it was. This is OK if you do it right. You should say something like, "I got a call from the school today about an incident at lunch. I'm going to ask you to tell me the story, but not right now. I want you to think about it for a while, and then when you're ready you can tell me, but remember I already pretty much know what happened."

Lying is not good, but it certainly isn't the end of the world either. It happens from time to time. It doesn't mean that your kids don't love you or that they are bound to grow up to

become professional criminals. Over the years, however, frequent emotional overreactions on your part—combined with badgering and cornering—can produce an Accomplished Liar.

Hope this helps out...

If you need anything please email me anytime!

Answer 10

If you do not do something right now to stop her than yes it will get much worse as she gets older.  You doing more things with her because of her lies will also not improve the situation, if anything it will just show her that you are rewarding her bad behavior.  

Tell her that the next time she lies you will spank her and make sure that she understands this.  When she lies spank her soundly and make it clear that this will happen every other time she lies and follow through.  Tell her that if she is truthful for a month you will take her somewhere fun, like to the beach or something.  

If she lies at all, not only spank her but also start the month over.  Once she is finally truthful for a month plan another excursion that is a month away and so forth.  This will gradually wean her off of her lying habit and she will learn that not only will telling the truth bring her rewards, (the trips) not telling the truth will bring negative effects (the spankings).  In the long run she should turn out fine from this method.