My daughter is a stranger in my house? Please help.

Question

Ever since i had my second child 3yrs ago, my daughter was 5 I feel like I have lost that motherly connection to her. She doesn't look the same anymore, I have no interest in what is going on with her and sometimes i wish i had made another choice, but then she was in a car accident with my mother and did not get a scratch on her, my mother was ok too after a while. This kind of made me realize i would not be a very happy person had something happened to her and i could ot picture my life if she was not here. She is used to getting all the hugs and kisses and attention, but now i mostly give it to my son, I try to do it with her too but its not the same. And i'm not saying this is an excuse but i was abused as a child, and she is always wanting to kiss her brother, it just seems funny to me. I was an only child for ten years also, so I really don't know what its like to have a sibling being that i felt like my younger sisters mother until she turned 16. My problem is when i am having one of those days and she is always asking these rediculous questions that i know she knows the answers to. I do hug her when she wants one and for the most part i try to be the same as i know i was before, but i feel like she knows something is different and its not just her brother being here. But its like she is depressed and its my fault. I don't know what to do. Her dad is in jail, and idk it just seems like i cannot get my temper under control with her, the questions and the attitude. I wrote her letters explaining to her how much I love her just to make sure she knows but i don't feel any different. i try to spend time with her and do girly things, but at the end of the day i still feel a distance between us. I lost the connection with my mom too and I never want my daughter to feel the way i feel about my mom but i don't know. even when i come home from work i am not exactly thrilled to see her. But i really do not like that i feel this way and i cannot tell anyone, does anyone understand if so PLEASE help me. I guess that i do care for her and do other things counts for something but i dont want her to become a sour teen girl who hates her mom and all that stuff.

Answer 1

This was a very brave thing to talk about. And good for you for realizing that you and your daughter need help. It occurred to me that you mention your husband being in jail and I can't help but feel that maybe there's is a connection with his being locked up and your distance from your daughter. I do think you need to talk to a counselor. Maybe join some mothers groups. Call hospitals in your area, they may know of some. You can also do a search for mothers groups in your area on the net. Being around other moms will give you some moral support. Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 2

I would suggest God first and foermost.   What city do you live in?  Following you do need professional help.  You can not loose your temper.  That means you do not have control over yourself.  Your children is a sponge it sounds like you are her only parent, thus her ONLY role model. Prayer, God and seek a counselor on a regular basis immediatly PLEASE.  

Answer 3

If you don't try to change things now with her, when she's older (teen) she's going to rebel!  LEAD BY EXAMPLE!! Just think, would you want to be treated like this.How do you think she really feels. Her school work may also start to get bad, her socializing with other children. Pray!

Answer 4

wow thats deep... do your children have diff fathers.. maybe thats what it is you see her father in her ... but i feel that i have lost the connection with my mom... but we still do things together.... you dont have to be exactly thrilled to c her evryday but just knowing shes ok is what makes you happy u obviously do care about ehr because if you didnt you wouldnt even have cared to write the letters or take the time to write this paragraph maybe you should talk 2 her face to face... so she can tell you how she feels about it... sometimes when im home alone i love it and get so angry when my parents get home just because i love the privacy i hate when they are home... my mom yells all the time but i will be so hurt if i ever found out n e thing happend to them... i still love them... im just the type of girl who likes 2 b alone and maybe thats how u are...... but i think you should talk 2 her about it...

Answer 5

kill yourself, give your kids up or well....just kill youself

HOW SAD

Answer 6

You need psychological help. Please seek some. It is not natural to not want to see your daughter after not being with her all day. It is natural to have anxiety towards your children, Lord knows I do every day. But to not want to see her or worry if you love her? You are dealing with depression, girl. A serious depression over your own abuse probably. Please seek some help. And whatever you do, don't get on some hyped up anti depressant, women on those things kill their babies and try to kill themselves (Susan Smith, and that insane lady who drowned her 5 kids)...but please see a therpist.

Answer 7

I have felt that way from time to time.  My daughter is 12 and my son is 3.  I realized though it wasn't lack of love for her it was just different.  When she went to visit her father for a month I was shocked at the amount of time that I didn't have with her and wanted it back.  She in turn felt similar and was happy to come home.  This was eye opening for us and we try and create time together even if it is short.  Those are the things I remember and I know she does too.  Try opening a few doors to the things you both do like to do and have some special time.  My son is little and likes the attention and kisses, but my daughter not that she is older is more distant and wants space so I try and grab any moment I can with her so that we will always keep our bond.

Answer 8

You're a peice of trash

get your tubes tied you w h**e

Answer 9

I think you need to find a way to have mother daughter days,

go get a pedicure with her... my sister n law does it with her daughter all the time - and she's 3.

go shopping with her and get her a new outfit...

find out if something at school is bothering her... this is the age they start to like guys and start to have friend problems.

Answer 10

Thank you for sharing, it is very hard to say these things, and I understand.  

You do need to seek counseling, though. You deserve it, and your daughter does - so does your son.

It does sound to me like depression, and not that you are a monster, or anything. With mentioning your abuse as a child, and that you think it's a little funny that your kids want to kiss makes me think there are unresolved feelings there that need to be talked out.

My children are 6 and 3 and I am thrilled when they spontaneously hug and kiss.  I don't think it's anything "dirty" or "wrong".

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you, abuse is hard to get through, but it can be done.

God bless.

I do feel that it was a way to have you wake up and see that you do still want your daughter in your life, when the Lord allowed that car wreck to happen.  

I'm sorry your mom didn't protect you from the abuse, too.  I wonder if she is feeling some guilt over that...

again, God bless.