My daughter is almost 4. She poops her pants almost on a daily basis at daycare.?

Question

My daughter is brilliant child who has been potty trained for over a year. She has had accidents now and again like any other child, but now for over a month, she has been pooping her pants almost daily at the babysitter's. She is better than ever at home, never needs to be reminded, etc. I don't understand why and we have tried everything in the book to get back on the right track. I went back to work 9 months ago, and started working fulltime in March. I know it is probably an attention thing, but it is causing me so much stress, I feel like an incompetant mother but I just dont' know what to do, and I don't know how she can be so great here and just neglect to use the potty (for bm's) at the sitters.

Are there any other mothers out there who have had gone through this? Any advice?

Answer 1

My instinct tells me that if she's fine at home there is something going on at the sitter's.  You're going to need to do some investigating.

It could be something so simple, like she has a potty ring at home, but they don't have one at the sitters and she's afraid she'll fall in.  You never know.

At four she is able to tell you why she had the accident.  It could just be that she's having so much fun she doesn't want to take a break to use the potty.  or like I said before she's not comfortable using their potty for whatever reason.

The sitter should also be frequently reminding her and asking her if she needs to use the potty.    I don't want to be too quick to say that the sitter might be neglecting her, but that's also a possibility you as a mother need to rule out.

You need to figure this out, because it will cause issues when she starts school.  If she has accidents there she gets sent home.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Dude, listen to yourself. She goes to the bathroom at home hardly having accidents, to she poops on a daily basis!

Why have you not asked if the SITTER could be the cause of this.

1. putting child in room and leaving her there.

2. totally neglecting your child to do something else, like eat, watch t.v.,  sleep.

3. have you been checking for bruises?

did you do an investigation you this person before you turned your child over to them? I would.

Answer 3

I can relate to your child when I was way younger! When I was about 5-6 I used to go to my moms restaurant (she worked as a waitress) and hang out with her. But once when I used the bathroom there I flooded the toilet and I was crying and scared and embarassed.  So then whenever I was at home alone and my mom was at work If I needed to p**p I would wait until my mom got home in fear that I would flood the toilet!

Your child is probably uncomfortable in her new environment and doesn't want to use the bathroom in an unfamiliar place and it's probably easier for her to p**p her pants then go to the bathroom in her new surroundings.

Maybe one day you could try to go in and visit her at the babysitters and stay with her for a while and ask her if she needs to use the bathroom. Maybe she'll feel more comfortable if you take her there for the first time

Answer 4

Reward her for not pooping in their pants.

Answer 5

If you can see my avatar, I'm not a mother, but I can say these things. For one, put a pull-up on her, so that if/when she does go, it's not like she gets a pair of pants dirty. Secondly, ask her why she does it. Don't just try to solve it. Get clues. Ask, "I'm just wondering... Why have you been pooping in your pants instead of the toilet at daycare?". Don't make it sound like she's in trouble. If she doesn't answer or doesn't want to tell you, just remind her that if she has to go, she should use a toilet, not her pants. Also, does she use a regular toilet at home or her own special potty? If it's a potty, maybe she only feels comfortable using the potty and not a strange toilet. If nothing works, you can always try a bribe, or try re-potty training her. Remind her that when she has to go, to quick run to the potty. Then reward her for doing it. Also, every time she does use the toilet at daycare, reward her for doing so, again reminding her. Hope I helped a little!

Answer 6

Hi Ruby,

I think the problem may lie with the sitter. It doesn't make you a bad parent it happens a lot.

Your child may not be totally comfortable there, it does not necessarily mean abuse but could be a sign of her being anxious, its probably bothering her a lot as she is pooping, that is a big deal to her and she probably cant control it.

I would talk to the sitter, and if you don't get anywhere find alternate care.

talk to your daughter at 4 she can tell you what happens in her day, if she likes it there, what she plays with , if the sitter shouts at her etc.

then tell her that you will both work it out together and she doesn't have to worry because she is a good girl.

if it as a private day carer make sure all accreditation and references check out.

the best thing is that you have recognised the problem and want to help her with it. it may mean taking a few days off work while you transition her into a new day care or even spend a few hours with her at her daycare.

In my 10 years experience, usually a traumatic event or stress would cause this kind of behaviour.

i hope everything works out for you and i hope this helped

x

Answer 7

I have heard that regression like this could be caused

by abuse possibly. I would really ask her about the sitter

and make sure she is not being neglected as well. Maybe

they aren't giving her the attention she needs. I don't

think she's doing it for attention but somethings is wrong

if she's fine at home. I think somethings going on at that

sitters, you need to check into it.

Answer 8

my mom has with my little brother, what you do is give a prize when she does not p**p in her pants all day. Like a few m&m's or a sticker.

Answer 9

Giving your child some sort of reward when she does not p**p her pants will most likely do the trick. I used to babysit twins who would not potty train easily. They twins wanted to go play in the playplace for Ikea Kids Club or whatever its called. So their parents told them when they have kept their pants dry and clean for 3 weeks then they can go to Ikea. Their parents also gave them rewards such as a jelly bean or an M&M at the end of every day if they had stayed dry all day. This way they had something to look forward to each day to remind them to stay dry. It will also help if the babysitter reminds your daughter every couple of hours because at age 4, children don't want to miss out on anything and are enjoying life so much that they don't want to take time off even when they know that have to go to the bathroom.

Answer 10

Hi Ruby, sorry to hear about the problems you have been having.  If your daughter is using the bathroom correctly at home but messing her pants at the sitters then it certainly sounds like she has some sort of issue with the babysitter.  

I think you have had some excellent suggestions so far, but here are a few more that spring to mind:

1.  She may have had a traumatic experience while pooping in the potty at the sitters, which has led her to avoid using it afterwards.

2.  She might dislike being taking to the potty every half hour as this makes her feel like a baby and not in control of her own body.  Her way of rebelling against this is to deliberately p**p in her pants afterwards.  Giving her the responsibility to decide when she needs the potty may help.  Taking her to the potty every 30 minutes does not seem to be helping and could never be a long-term solution anyway.

3.  She may like the attention she gets when she has messy pants, even if it is negative attention.  This is especially likely to be the case if she feels she is not getting enough attention from her sitter.

4.  If the babysitter has upset her, eg by telling her off, she may see pooping her pants as a way of getting back at her because she knows that the sitter does not like having to clean her up.  If the sitter tells her off when she is messy then your daughter may have decided to continue the 'punishment' of the sitter by messing herself again next time she needs to p**p.