My daughter is being bullied?

Question

My 14 yr old daughter is being bullied by a girl 2 year younger, she hangs out in the same gang as my daughter and they share friends. Her mum died recently and as a result my daughter feels she is seeking attention. She calls my daughter names and tells her no-one likes her at school and that she is unloved by everybody, she is leaving awful messages on her my space site and on msn. My daughter is really quiet and would'nt want to upset anyone but she is so upset. Is she taking advantage of the situation my daughter is in and what can we do about it???

Answer 1

You really need to respond to this problem for your daughter's sake. If your daughter is not able at this time to speak directly to this girl and tell her how her behavior makes her feel, start with your child's school and speak with someone there. Schools should be taking bullying very seriously.

A good book to read about this topic is Queen Bees & Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence by Rosalind Wiseman. Your local library may have a copy of this title.

Good Luck to you and your daughter.

Tina M.

Arlington Heights Memorial Library

Librarians - Ask Us We Answer!

Answer 2

my son was being bullied at school when he was in Primary 2- until now, sometimes he still gets bullied- I told him, if he let them bullies him all the time, they wont stop- he have to fight back- if they punch him, he have to make sure, he punches him back twice as hard as they did. If youre really concerned about your daughter, why  not talk to their teacher?

Answer 3

All schools must have an anti-bullying policy!!Contact the school and explain the situation!!If the bullying is still taking place on the school premises and nothing seems to be done!!Contact the Director of Education's Office!!If the bullying is taking place off the school premises then you will need to see a solicitor!!IBut only use this method as an absolute last rfesort!!

Answer 4

If this girl whose mother has recently died has heard that your daughter has called her an attention seeker, then it's no surprise that she's being nasty. However, she's taking things to the extreme of bullying your daughter, which is wrong. She's probably very angry at the passing of her mother, but it's no excuse to take it out on your daughter.

Why don't you try going to the school and telling them about it, most school's nowadays generally operate a "no bullying" policy and get very upset when they find that a child in their care is in fact being bullied. See what they have in place to deal with bullies. Otherwise, suggesting the girls get together in a controlled environment and sort out their differences might work.

Answer 5

Reading your problem it looks like the younger girl is lashing out at your daughter due to her loss.  I doubt she's abusing your daughter to gain attention, perhaps filling her day by lashing out at other people helps her not think about the death of her mother.  Your daughter is a victim because  as you say she is really quiet and wouldn't do anything to upset anyone.  The 12 year old probably sees your daughter as an easy target and feels she will get away with bullying her as shes too quiet to report it or stand up for herself.

My suggestion would be to try and get the 2 girls together and alone.  Arrange a sleep over perhaps.  Try and get your daughter to speak openly with her friend.  Explain that she is being really hurtful etc.  She should try and comfort her friend as best she can about her loss.  Tell her she'll be there for her during this time of pain.  

I really do believe that if the girls can get together by themselves and talk this can help resolve the issue.  It's a lot of 'responsibility  for a 14 year old to try and help her younger friend during this time but going on how you've described your daughter she sounds mature enough to handle this.  

Good luck.

Answer 6

I'd pay close attention to this matter. Try contacting the parents if that fails to resolve this then go to the school.

Answer 7

It does sound like the young lady is taking advantage. I'm not sure whether it's the actual cause of her beef with your daughter but maybe. I would like to just advise "talk it out, share your feelings" but that rarely works with teens. There are a few options but all have their disadvantages; One would be to approach her on email as a concerned parent and state that while you feel for her situation there is no excuse for treating others poorly. The problem here is that may cause your daughter more harm by getting her labeled as a tattler (not the actual teen vernacular but you get the point). You could also advise that there is a "statute of limitations" where at some point her free ticket will expire and her attitude will no longer be received without a response. The best thing I believe would be to talk to her father/ other parent to let them know that she may be acting out in a way that is a little less than constructive... I hope this helps.

Answer 8

Beth R...will you marry me?

Answer 9

first of all I can't believe someone suggested you arrange a sleep over with a child who is bullying your daughter. Insane.

These kids are teens, not 5!

You need to speak to the principal and let her know right away what is going on and if the school doesn't do something about it, then take it upon yourself to contact the girls family and let them know what is happening and that you won't tolerate it.

My son was being bullied and it was on the school bus so the school couldn't do much to prevent it. I called the boys mother and told her what was going on and that my son was very upset about it. She apologized and the nxt day my son came home with an apology note in his backback from the boy. M son is much younger however bullying needs to be addressed no matter the age. teens can be brutal and I have seen it get much worse when the parent tries to leave it to the kids to deal with.

EDIT: Beth R you have been reported and I hope everyone else reports you as well. I have seen some of your other answers and you go as far as to tell someone they should kill themself. Do your parents know what a monster you are?

Answer 10

Call the school and tell them what's going on. There may be other issues with other kids and then they can put the pieces together.

Answer 11

you need to speak to the school-preferably the head teacher. My younger sister used to be bullied none stop because she was always quiet, and if your daughter is quiet then yes, they are taking advantage. It is a well known fact that bullies are often cowards and pick on people who won't fight back.

My mum spoke to my sister's head teacher and also her form teacher and they kept an eye on what was going on and ended up speaking to the bully's parents, which did the trick (they could speak to the girl's dad, obviously) You need to ask he teachers you speak to to be discreet about it though, as if the bully thought your daughter had been telling teachers it would probably just make it worse.

The girl might be upset but she needs to understand that she can't take her anger out on others. Maybe if a teacher would speak to her about it? She might need counciling or something

Hope that helps! x

Answer 12

talk to the school about it - surely they have people who are able to deal with that type of thing - why should your daughter suffer? It probably will help her to sort out her probs so she can deal with the grief of losing her Mum.

Answer 13

tell your daughter it is okay to stand up for herself and even help her with something appropriate to say. if the other girl sees that she isn't such an easy target then she won't look to her to release her anger on.. obviously your daughter understand that there is a reason behind the girls bullying which is very mature. maybe the little girl needs counseling or shell grow up to be a mean person.

Answer 14

Well, my daughter had had this problem recently on the bus with an older girl though. This little girl has been stealing her hat and pulling her hair. Well not too long ago, she happened to be at the mall with her Aunts and saw this girl and starting telling her aunts about it. Well, one of them marched right over to her (sjhes like 10 and was at the mall unsupervised, big surprise) and told her not to ever do it again or she would be sorry!

Answer 15

Call the school.

Answer 16

Bring it to the attention of the  school and the girls parent or guardian. Obviously shes acting out cause she is needing attention and this is the best way that works for her. Which sadly works for alot of kids. Also for proof of what this other girl is saying to her online, print the messages out if you can. That way it can be delt with appropriately. Are her other friends copying the bully? If so then Im sorry to say she might need to cut those friends loose and make new. Which will be very hard but so worth it in the end.

And to your daughter, keep reminding her she is loved, she has friends in school just waiting to meet her. I went thru it and to this day I have a very hard time making new friends. Its not easy thats for sure so I wish her best of luck and hugs. And see if other parents feel bulliing needs to stop cause there are kids that take it to heart so strongly they do sometimes end up hurting themselves and no one wants that.