My daughter is bullied at school.Girls make fun of, point & exclude her.She doesn't want to go.What can I do?

Question

My daughter is intimidated. She pretended to be sick one day to get out of school early so she wouldn.t have to walk by the bullying girls. She now has me drive her to school so she doesn't have to ride the bus so she doesn't arrive too early when she is alone with the girls. Recently she hyas started going in the front door of the school, rather than the gym to avoid these bullies. I want to talk to the princvipal, but she is terrified it will get worse for her. I tell her to be strong and confident, but the words don't help at school. Please advise me what to do so that my daughter doesn't suffer the long term emotional effects of bullying. I am angry and saddened by this situation. One day she told me , "Sometimes I think I don't deserve to live. They don't give me a chance, to know me."

Answer 1

I would go talk to the principal about this or to her homeroom  teacher or the school counselor. They are there to help. She need to talk to them also. I am have the same problem with my son at his school. I didnt take care of this sooner and he is refusing to go back to school he is 9. I have started taking him to counselling and I am trying to deal with the school.

As I am being told by alot of people" you are the best Avocate for your child"

If you do go to the school and they do nothing to stop/prevent this from happening go above their heads and go to the super,  the school board.

Bulling is unacceptable

Best of luck

Answer 2

Your daughter has issues with self-worth and deservability which underlie her lack of confidence.  Do not confuse self-worth with self-esteem as so many people do! Self-worth is a precursor to self-esteem. Without self-worth there can be no self-esteem, and the 2 are required to develop self-confidence.

As long as she lacks a sense of self-worth, she will be be easy prey for bullies.  The trick is to build her up, not stop the bullies - let's make the bullies just go away!

Self-worth is so fundamental that it always stems from the parents, particularly mother. From birth to age 2 is the most critical period for development of the fundamentals of self-worth, but of course the way she is treated can impact that throughout her life.  Have you or her father ever given her any indications that she does not "deserve" something or isn't "worth"  something?  Do you give her messages - verbally or non-verbally - regarding what she is worth, what is valuable and what isn't?  How have you responded to her needs since birth - always there to pick her up when she cries? Tell her how much she means to you? Tell her she's precious to you? Or complain about how much things cost, sigh when she calls for you, etc?

She has told you point-blank what the real problem is.  Cure that and there will be no bullies around her - they will simply disappear! Bullies only go after the weak.

Answer 3

First of all, what are you doing to help build her confidence and self esteem OUTSIDE of the school? If she isn't already strong and confident, she's an easy target for these girls.

I'll tell you the same thing I've told my sister~~get her involved in as many sports and programs as you possibly can. Help her be more confident. Then she will be able to realize that what those other girls are saying to her really don't matter.

Also, be her parent, not her friend. Don't ask her if you should talk to the school~~do it!! Talk to the other girls parents too. Maybe it will make things worse, maybe not. It really helps to get the school involved so they know what's going on.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Lady, when my son was being bullied at school I spoke to the teacher and she in turn spoke to the principal.  The principal took it very seriously and interviewed both my son and the two bullies and got their stories.  Then the principal called in both the bullies parents and spoke to them.  The warning was that if they would continue to act like bullies then they will be expelled for a few days.  That put a stop to it.  I also told my son to stay away from the bully and not to talk to him at all.  They are in the same before school program and actual classroom.  The principal called me at home and communicated with me and told me the situation was handled.  This happened last year when my son started 2nd grade.  He is a much happier kid now.  You need to stand up for your daughter or no one else will.  If the principal had not done anything then I would have gone to the board of education.  School these days should have a 0 tolerance policy towards bullies.  In turn you wouldn't have helped just your daughter but also these bullies that many times turn into criminals and a menace to society.  In the meantime, continue to reassure your daughter that she is special, beautiful and a nice person and encourage her to seek friendship with other kids.  It may come down to you also doing things with her like shopping, cooking, or anything she likes to do.  I played with my son, beisbol and other things while he was going through this and he also played with next door neighbor and other kids outside of school.

Answer 5

you know what i think you should go have a talk with them girl and go to the principal the the little girls mothers....I am sorry your daughter has to go through that tell her to defend herself every women is strong even a young woman

Answer 6

I am very, very sorry your precious daughter is suffering in this way.

She is right about talking with the principal.  First off, most principals are too overworked to do anything about bullying.  Some even see it as part of the process - or worse - your child's fault.

Think about how you would feel and what you would do if you were being bullied at work, and your supervisor did nothing about it - and there was no way you cold get these co-workers fired.  What would be your best course of action?  Most likely, you would find another job.

That is what you need to do for your child.  Get her out of that school.  She is headed towards being suicidal.  

Be well.

Answer 7

There is no excuse for bullying.  You need to talk to the principal as soon as possible, to have it stopped.  Most schools now have a zero tolerance policy for bullying, and will make an active effort to put a stop to it when they're informed.

The next thing is to get to the bottom of WHY your daughter is being bullied.   Why are the other girls pointing at her and making fun of her?   Is there anything you can do to change this?   There may be other children at school who are not bullying her, but are not making an active effort to be friends with her either.   It's important that you find out why, and help her to overcome the problem.  

Over the years, I have seen kids get bullied because of things like poor personal hygiene,  obesity, and very out-of-date clothing.   While it's NEVER acceptable to bully another child for ANY reason, these are all issues that can be resolved.   If your daugher is not conscientious about taking showers and washing her hair, you can help her with both.  If she's overweight, help her to get more exercise, cut back on her eating, and buy more flattering clothing.   If she is dressed completely differently from other kids in school, perhaps a few new t-shirts and sweatshirts and jeans would help.  

On the other hand, if your daughter has some kind of disability, and is being mocked for that reason, then the school REALLY needs to get involved.....even to the point of having an assembly at which they address bullying issues, and introducing a program like VIP (Violence Is Preventable).

Answer 8

She needs to tell. I just went through something similar with my 12yr old daughter. I told her she needed to handle her own business, as I'm trying to teach her responsibility for her actions. My ex-wife went the other route, went to the office, and raised all kinds of mess. All that taught her was that if she doesn't handle her own business and her mom finds out, that she'll handle it for her, at her expense and embarrassment. The main goal of having my daughter tell on the girls harrassing/bullying her was so that there's a record of it. The more she tells, the bigger the record, more chance of the girls being expelled. Eventually, if the kids care about their education at all, they'll stop their b.s. and leave her alone out of fear of being expelled further.

This also isn't my normal route for telling my kids how to handle it. I used to tell them to just beat the other kids down, but they never did out of fear of their own expulsion. They're not really scared of the other kids, it's more frustration of not being able to make it stop.

Answer 9

That sounds like what I went through, and I'm a guy. As you might imagine, vindictive feelings arose throughout my youth as far as society it concerned. In your daughter's case, at least she has a parent who takes it seriously. My Asian mom would just yell and scream and say stuff like, "Just go to school like a man!"

Taking her out is fine. You didn't mention why your daughter is bullied. If there is an outerlying reason, try to cope with that, so that maybe later it may not be so bad. She has to face people again someday, inevitably, whether it's at work, college, job interview, or at a club (unless she plans to be single forever). Facing other people is inevitable, but for now, giving her refuge is fine if it is overwhelming.

One thing is, when a kid is taken out of school, seclusion is a problem. Although there are bullies, school also forces kids to interact, which is pretty-much what we adults also have to do when we're working. So...

Answer 10

i hate to say it but most everyone has gone through some type of bullying, and one has to learn how to overcome it and deal with it, i would think in this age and time that type of stuff would not be tolerated, you need to talk to the principal and teachers, it is their job to keep your child safe, best of luck and it will get better you just have to be strong =)

Answer 11

I imagine she's really pretty, and they really aren't.

You may have to switch her school.

Put the teachers and counselors on alert, they principal knows how to 'tweak' things to make it seem like your daughter didn't tell.

If they are teasing her in school, I'm sure it's quite reasonable that someone could have overheard it,

This happened to me and the assistant principal told the girls that a teacher had overheard them saying things, and they never knew it was my mom.

You have to protect her, this is not something that she needs to deal with herself. Can you imagine, she probably can't even concentrate while in school.

I hate little B*thces like those girls!

Answer 12

Those bullies DO NOT have the right to treat your daughter this way.  You are her provider and protector; you are going to have to take control over this sitiuation for her well being.

Most schools have no tolerance for bullying and have a policy in tact.  I'd talk to the teacher and principle and let them know what is going on.  I'd also get the other parents involved; most times they don't know that their kids are the actual bullies.  If you are not satisfied with the results of the principle then file a police report.

Your daughter might be embarrassed but at least she'll be safe and the two of you will have peace of mind.  No child should feel afraid to go to school.  

And you never know who else might come forward as being victims to these bullies as well.

In the meantime I would get your daughter involved in other activities outside of the school; swimming, arts/crafts, music, martial arts.  I would also consider counseling.

Answer 13

As a parent of your daughter, you already knew she was bullied by some certain group of girl at school.  Have you ever digged it up what those bully group did your daughter by pushing her or verbal or the other bad behavior? If I were you, I would ask her to show me their real faces and tell me their names.  Then talk to them directly that it is not fun at all to mock at innocent people.  Also I will go to see their teacher to check up those girls' phone numbers and call to their parents about their devil behavior.  Give your daughter a mobile phone for emergency to contact with you or the police if the school wouldn't cooperate with you at all.  Send her to learn some self-protecting skill like Tarate and teach her some skills in verbal to fight back those vicious girls in mean way.  Let them to eat their own medicine.  To let them know that your daughter is not that kind weak as what they thought.  One of my nephew he is a kind shorty boy and ever been bullied.  The kids at class taunted him often. One day, he stood up for himself and beated a big boy in that group , then threw a very meaning word to him to threaten him back.  Since then, none would hurt him.  For his mum, just like you ever talked to principle without any vivid effects.  So that you got to fight for your life and future.  Don't send your daughter to limbo. If she got any good friend, just let her stick with her.  If not, then it is better to stick with her and spend more time with her to pass this transitional stage of life.  Teenagers always think about suicide and do it in misleading way.  So be brave as a hawk or an eagle rather like a chicken.  God will know who is good and who is the bad.  Just timing.  You will see.

Answer 14

This is a really tough situation.  Girls can be especially mean and vindictive as can women.  Anyway - I would speak to the principal about this situation because I'm sure that it is also unjustly affecting her school work.  If the principal needs to meet with these girls or even put them in detention, that's the price that one pays today for having unacceptable behavior.  You also have to teach your daughter to feel more confident about herself.  Does she have a good social group that she can depend on?  If she doesn't, find something positive for her to do after school such a work with animals, young children, art, whatever it can be.  Continue to make her feel that she is worthwhile.

Answer 15

be firm and march into that school and demand that they put an end to it and that all kids doing it be punish and their parents called. most schools have cameras so there is the proof if no camera I'm sure the school will question other students to see if they have heard it. at some point a mother should always come to the rescue you would not stand by and let her be beat by a gang so why would you let her be berated by a gang. any group more then 3 is a gang and should be treated as suck.   be bold be brave

Answer 16

i had the same problem and what my mother said to do is if the bother you beet the c**p out of them

Answer 17

I too had a bully problem when I went to school and I still remember the feelings they invoked it's hard but don't coddle your daughter let her know that if she stops going to school the bullies win don't give them what they want because it means that they are stronger when in reality if they didn't have their friends to support them they'd be just like her. Most kids in school are afraid of bullies because they make them feel like they don't belong, but where there is one kid being bullied they are bound to be others tell your daughter to make friends with them. It won't stop the bullying but it goes a long way knowing your not alone.

Answer 18

Those girls are just jealous about something, or weak in character.  Your daughter does not need these girls, and I bet there are some girls at her school who she could be friends with.  Encourage her to look for those types of girls, and this nightmare will become something of the past

Answer 19

You need to go to the principle and have him/her arrange a group conference with all the children and their parents and the guidance councilor. This needs to brought to every ones attention so that your child can feel safe AND so that these girls know everyone is on to their little act.

If it continues to go on after a week of the conference then go to the board of education and demand a school change since that school refuses to protect your child.

Another thing- please do not take offense to this. Is their anything about your daughter that stands out, that you may be able to change so she is less likely to be picked on? Grade school kids are sometimes careless with hygiene , mismatch their clothing , forget to brush their hair. LOL You know how kids are. If none of that applies to her and you feel that she is getting picked on solely because she comes off as a weaker link- you'll need to work on that with her , because switching schools won't remedy it. Bullies can spot a weaker personality before it even steps in the door.

Putting your daughter in activities is a wonderful way to build self esteem. when kids have something their good at, they feel prouder and stand taller.

If my daughter ever said she felt like she didn't deserve to live my heart would break into a million tiny pieces, as I'm sure yours did. Take the steps to fix this. Good Luck.

Answer 20

Tell her to s***w everyone else. They dont like her? FINE. She doesnt want to be their friend anyway.

That kind of attitude is the only way to go. She cant kiss asz or she will be taken advantage of. She just needs to show those girls that they dont effect her. What makes them so great anyway? Running hiding and giving them a reaction will only fuel their intrest

Answer 21

Wow I am so sorry she is going thru that.

I have a girl and if it were me I would go to the school - most schools have a no bulling rule

Im sure your daughter is a wonderful girl and she does not deserve that. Please go to school today you need to take care of this!!

Answer 22

Unfortunatley this is something your daughter will have to deal with on her own if she is unable to you may want to look at changing schools for her or maybe even home schooling.

I know about bullying I was a small child and in addition to that i had a crooked eye it continued until I stood up for myself.  I did get suspended but the bullying stopped

Answer 23

Martial arts class!!

Answer 24

Homeschool her.

Really, there is no law of nature that says that public schools  are the best option for a child. Where else in the world will a human being be put in a building or a room with a couple hundred or thousand other kids the exact same age?

It's your responsibility to educate your daughter and keep her safe. If she's not safe at a public school, you have an obligation to take her out.

Answer 25

You dont even wanna know what i would do if somebody does that to my kid.. first of all i would contact the other kids parent and let the parent know what the kid is doing all dat while at school and then let the parent deal with the the kid, and let the parent scare the kid into chagning and leaving your baby alone, and if that dont work i cant even post on here what i would do to protect my child... i woul dprobably hire somebody to scare the living c**p outta the lil punk who bullies my kid... because you cant just not do anything about that.... bullies need to be bullied thats the only way they change... TRUST ME!!!

Answer 26

Instead of avoiding this situation by being homeschooled like someone said she needs to face this siution instead letting these bullies do this for the rest of the school year. She needs to tell a counselor,principal.. someone who can help. She needs to stand up for herself instead of letting people pick on her. You can tell her to tell the principle but I dont think you should. Hoped I helped :D

Answer 27

I would say the less intervention from you, the better. Help her as best you can to teach her to overcome situations like this on her own, and she will be better prepared for the future.

Help her work on her self esteem, and embracing her self worth. Help her build some confidence. You might want to encourage her to approach one of the girls. Usually when girls in a group bully, there is a leader and the rest are followers. One of them feels bad for being so mean to her. If your daughter can figure out which girl is just tagging along, then she should approach her (while the other girls are not around). Ask her questions - why are you and your friends so mean? Or, I thought you were nice, until you started hanging out with them.

All young girls, even the mean ones, are dealing with self esteem issues. And some use bullying to feel powerful....

Answer 28

I was bullied at school, some days I was so upset my mum let me stay at home. I was very depressed. My mum was very postitive with me and encouraged me to love myself. This has always been good, although is not an instant remedy for what she is dealing with. The last thing I wanted was her to deal with the school, because I didn't want the girls to know how uch they had affected me, or to make it worse. (The teachers knew that I was picked on, they mentioned it at a parents evening, perhaps because I was achieving my grades it wasn't a matter to be dealt with, especially since I'd asked mum not to say anything.

What really helped the way I felt was seeing a pshychologist, through my doctor. It was about helping my feelings of lonelyness, building my self esteem, talking about being upset etc. It really helped to talk to him because I didn't want to talk to my mum about everything, partly because I could predict her reassuring comments, and partly because I didn't want to upset her.

I know it doesn't deal with the bullies, however there have always been and there always be bullies and the picked on, no one seems to be able to solve this problem. I just used school to get what I wanted out of it, spent as little time there as I could without missing important information, and revised tons for my grades. I did not use it to socialise, I considered most of the other kids there to be "idiots" (insert your own stronger word there if you need to). I had friends outside school, who went to clubs or whatever, and had similar interest to me. I remember I was encouraged my the psychologist to enjoy hobbies, and parents encouraged my interest in music etc, which is always good anyway.

I know this is a long answer but I hope it helps.

Answer 29

You and she need to tackle this one together.  Ask her to write down in a diary every incident of bullying she encounters - dates, times, places, what happened. Then visit the school and ask to speak to the headteacher about the problem. Take the diary along as evidence.

Also, when you are talking to her, gently remind her that she is not the one who has a problem - the bullies are. They're weak and cowardly. I'll bet that if you were to speak to them individually, then they would'nt act so "tough"!!

Tell your daughter that she deserves to live as much as they do - probably more,since theyre being so heartless!!

You really need to tell someone, or persuade her to, as theyre probably relying on her silence, as by not saying anything, shes giving them the green light to behave in this despicable way.

Hope you can sort this out soon!!

Answer 30

I would sit down with the principal, let her know that your talking to the principal will not affect her, if the girls dont know it is her they are being disiplined for, then they cant retaliate, Something does need to be done.

Answer 31

This is such a horrible situation, and girls are the worst bullies.  I have two daughters and I've been through this before.  It just breaks your heart, I know.  I went to the school.  I knew it could backfire, but the alternative became unacceptable.  I also meticulously collected evidence to back up my claims and I demanded that the school fix the problem.  Because of my efforts with my oldest daughter, our schools now have a formal policy in place.

As for my daughters, I helped them to find better friends.  I talked to their teachers about other girls who were in the same boat.  I invited the other girls for sleepovers and mall trips and movies...anything to bond them and boost their confidence.

The bullies don't pick on groups; they pick on the lonely girls.  They pick on the ones who stand out in a negative way.  

Good luck with this, Mom...I swear you are not alone!