My daughter is due in August. I am not married to her father. Should she have my last name or her fathers?

Question

Her father and I are still together. But our relationship is rocky and not very stable at this point. I do know he will be an active father and will do his part financially, etc. But he may not be there for me relationship wise.

I am struggling with the idea. I am not sure if I should give her my name or his? Should I just name her after me and then if he and I marry later on, change her name? What seems like the best idea for all parties involved? I live in Kentucky. Not sure if there are rules regarding this type of situation or not.

Any ideas or info would really help! Thank you!!

Answer 1

hmm........ this happened to me!

I was also due in August, and I wasn't married to HIS father. Our relationship was rocky... but all in all, I decided to give my son HIS last name.

I'm glad I did. But, after reading your question, I took in to consideration that I *might* have not done that if I was having a girl.

It would suck if you had to change your last name & her last name if you guys got married. I think that she should have her dad's last name, it doesn't give him more rights or create problems with proving that she is YOURS just because you have different last names, but it's a big decision.

I gave our son his dad's last name.

Plus, with my sons first name, his dad's last name sounded better attached to it.

And, me & his dad are still together, but not married.

Also, it would have been more ammo for fighting if his son didn't have his last name (it would probably be the same with a daughter too, but with a son it means more to "carry on the last name")

I'm glad I gave him his dad's last name. But I think it might be harder if I had to change his name into my last name if I ever chose to do that. I think you should put HIS last name, because HE will always be her dad no matter what.

My boyfriend has a daughter from a previous relationship & she has his last name too. So, 2 kids, 2 different mom's, but both his kids have his last name. I think that's how it should be.

congrats on the baby! it's sad that there is already fighting & controversy before the baby is even here, but that's not uncommon.

perhaps you could write a list of the pros & cons of her last name being yours VS his, and see which one weighs out to be more beneficial.. good luck deciding ~

Answer 2

my sister just had baby girl in dec. and she is not married to the father either. she gave the baby his last name. and now she wants to leave the father cause he is a d**k and doesnt care for the child. If it was me and i was in that situation then i would give the baby my last name. just incase i did want to leave him. then if i got married {which i am} then i would let my husband adopt my child if he really really didnt mind doing that.

Answer 3

me and my partner arnt married but i put the kids in his name only because i wouldnt have had them if it wasnt for him and he was always going to be there dad no matter what happen between us but its really up to you what you choose to do good luck

Answer 4

Be safe and give your child your surname or maybe both.

Answer 5

If there is any chance at all you will not be getting married and raising baby together, give her your name.

If things work out, you can change her name to his later, but in the event they don't, once you've given her his name, he probably wouldn't agree to change it to yours FROM his.

She would almost certainly be living with you, and you don't know what your life holds- you could end up marrying someone else and having more children with that person; in that case, at least she will have the benefit of sharing mom's name, which you can also use with any future siblings even if just as a middle or hyphenated name.

Also, telling your partner that you will give her your name but are willing to change it if and when things stabilize, just might be an added incentive, to him, to work on the relationship!

Answer 6

My brother is happily married and his wife has kept her maiden name. They just had a baby girl and gave her her mum's surname.

So I guess you could give her your surname and she could keep it even if you do get married one day.

Answer 7

From my experience, I would say use your last name for your daughter.  My daughter's father and I were together when she was born, and it seemed traditional to give her his last name.  I never even considered giving her mine cuz that was still new to me and I didn't care for it at the time.  However, after having her and learning that her father would never be a decent or responsible father let alone future husband, I definitely regret my decision.  Now that it's mainly me and my daughter (has been since she was a year old), it's really awkward to have different last names, especially since I'd rather she not be visibly associated with her other family when it comes to name.  Her father has never stepped up financially, unless he thought he would benefit from it.  Since she's grown up mainly with me and my parents and siblings around, it would be more logical for her to share my last name.  But now there is no going back and changing it.  At least if you give your own daughter your last name, you have the option of changing it later to her fathers if you want to, whether you are together or not.  If you give her his name now, you would need his permission in the future to change it, whereas now you don't.  I know your situation is different from mine, and so might your preferences and personal opinion, but it seems more logical at least for now to just give her your last name.

Answer 8

I also was in the same situation and gave my son my last name. I also live in Kentucky and there are no rules regarding this, the name can be changed if you all were to get married.

Answer 9

here in the philippines it is ok for the baby if he is named after his father as long as the father signed the birth certificate even though they're not married.

in my situation, my boyfriend and i are not yet married but i named my son after him because my boyfriend is willing to do his responsibilities for us and soon, we're gonna get married.

you and your boyfriend should talk about this. if he is willing for the responsibilities and he also wanted the baby named after him then talk about it. but if he is not interested for the baby and doesn't want to name after him then leave it to you. it's good for both of you to talk everything about your up coming baby.

Answer 10

i would name the baby after you. my sister named her baby after the father. they are still together but she regrets it. you never know. i'd name the baby after father only if you planned to marry him. hope this helps. you don't want to have a different name than your baby.

Answer 11

It's completely up to you... but I would say both - that is what i did with my son, he has his father's surname and mine as we are not married. I really wanted him to have his father's name (as did my partner) but I also wanted him to have the same surname as me, so now he has two!