My daughter is having problems in class and she's 10?

Question

My daughter advised me she is doing all her work, turning it in, getting A's and B's ((even though I've only seen a few papers)). I emailed her teacher to inquire about this and the response was:

She is doing fair. She has slipped a little and is starting to be distracted easily. Her grades are as follows:Math - 46% F (She got 11 out of 20 on her math unit test and I allowed anyone who wanted to take a new test and redo it, but she chose not to. She also got a 7/22 and 3/20 on two of her homework assignments. I have told them that if they do poorly and want to redo the assignment and bring it to me I will adjust their grades, but they must take the initiative.)

Social Studies - 81% B

Science - 100% A+ (Only one score so far.)

Reading - 83% B

Language - No grades taken yet.

Spelling - 73% C (She did not have one of her homework pages this week so she received a zero.)We do have homework help from 7:15 to 7:45 every morning if she needs help. If there is anything I can do let me know.Thanks for caring. I appreciate your help.

I'm furious because she lied to me. She is totally grounded from everything, she will write 50 times I will retake any low grades I get from now on.

Is there anything else I could do or should do in order to turn her around? They've only been in school 3 wks and 1 days and she's already having problems.

She was on meds for ADD but that didnt help, so they took her off..

PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

Buy yourself a paddle and USE it.

Answer 2

she only lied to you because she wants you to be proud of her. Let her know that if she is doing poorly, it is okay for her to tell you, and you will give her the support she needs. Don't put so much pressure on her to get high grades, and she won't lie to you. Simple solution.  

Answer 3

There's always adoption

Answer 4

You say that she was on medication for ADD but that it didn't help.  My daughter is 10 and has ADD.  She has an IEP (individual education program) at school to help her get the proper help to get through her tests and school work.  She also takes medicine.  She started taking Strattera which worked for a while, then switched to Focalin, which didn't work at all, and now takes Vyvance and is doing fine.  If she is having problems at school you should be talking to the school and doctor about helping her, not punishing her for something she may very well not be able to control.  Tell the school you want her evalulated and get her the proper help.

Answer 5

Well you should sit down and talk with her about it. See what she says about it. Then I would make a homework plan, so you could sit and help her, and make sure she does her homework. Make her go to the homework help in the morning. Maybe set it up so that you have to sign every peice of homework and anything not turned in or not done, the teacher could email you telling you she didnt do something. That is just what I would do.

Answer 6

Sounds like me.

Not funny, but I know that (at least in my head) ADD, as you know, causes you to be distracted,SO many times i could have sworn that I turned an assignment in, when in reality I never did.

I've learned now that the only way for me to get through school is to apply flawless organization, constant checks from my mom, like you did. Grounding never worked on me, I just got more discouraged and did the whole its because i'm stupid self pity thing.

I don't know you or your child, but I know that I made it through(last year in high school!) but I had to have help.  

Answer 7

my son did (and does) the same thing.  i have to set specific consequences for him.  i emailed the teacher to send me what their homework assignments were so i was prepared for when he got home.  he had many weeks without privileges until he could prove that he was trustworthy again.

also on the ADD meds.  maybe it wasnt the right one.  maybe it wasnt the right dosage.  did you go thru a psychologist or pediatrician?  psychologists are better at diagnosing and medicating appropriately.  that might be something to look into again.

good luck.

Answer 8

I read all the way to the end of your information and aha, my suspicions were confirmed: ADD!  My daughter is getting pulled out of school next year because by the fifth grade, the classroom size is so large, she will not get the individualized attention she needs, plus, socially she's behind.  

If you can't take her out of school, you'll just have to be vigilant about checking to see if she has the homework papers she needs each night.  Thankfully, my daughter's teacher lists the homework on a website!  Maybe you can get together with your daughter's home room teacher and express your concerns and ask how you can work together to make sure your daughter succeeds this year.

Answer 9

Well, their are many ways to resolve this issue. You said that your daughter doesn't do her homework all of the time, well the answer to that is quite simple check her homework each day. Keep a homework log that she can check herself. Before your daughter goes to sleep, ask her to leave her homework log and homework on the table for you to check. If she has all her work completed by the whole month, reward her with a doll or something she really likes. You could also do the same with the tests. Create a test log and make her write in all of her test grades and have ALL of the tests attached. If she completes all of homework and passes her tests at least with a B+, reward her. This lesson teaches your daughter that when you do things the right way you will be rewarded!

Hope I helped!

Answer 10

You should ask her why she isn't doing well. It might be because she learns in a different way than other people do. Encourage her to ask questions if she doesn't understand. If your daughter is very timid she may have "teacher-phobia" (meaning, she's afraid to ask the teacher for anything let alone help). You should get to the root of the problem and really just ask your daughter why and it might be helpful to ask if she needs extra help like a tutor or something similar to a tutor.  

Answer 11

judging from her other grades she is not stupid or delayed academically and if she has a habit of lying then she might just be a liar but do not fret this can be handled like today you are on the computer have you called her school or made a pop in visit i believe that children need to see you in their class and in their school it makes it hard for them to lie my son had the same problem i made it a point of giving each teacher my work# home# and e-mail address and i let them know not to give my son any chances first sign of trouble call me anytime e-mail send me a note because its not your daughters fault entirely the adults are also to blame by not communicating you guys are enabling her to lie so just make sure you keep the lines of communication open with her teachers and at anytime if you can spare a few minutes stop by the school unannounced drop in her class and just let her know that you will be watching he rvery close

Answer 12

First, I wouldn't jump to a conclusion of ADD or ADHD as many other parents and doctors do without THOROUGHLY checking there is no other underlying cause You don't want to drug your kids. The fact she is doing good to excellent in other subjects suggests something like ADD or ADHD is NOT the problem otherwise all her grades would be suffering.

When I was in school i was an excellent student in all subjects until the age of 14. Then my maths suddenly started to suffer, and with it my science subjects. The reason? I was being bullied by my maths teacher and I started to skip the lessons. In retrospect, 13 years later I should have told another teacher about it but I didn't. Now, I'm not particularly academic at all and I didn't receive good final grades from school (although I do now have a degree, and I'm about to begin another degree course at the end of September).

My point in this is there may well be something else going on in your daughter's life that she feels she can't talk to you about. This could be anything from being bullied at school (by anyone, not just another child or a group of children. Adults can be bullies too) to something completely different.

My advice is to sit her down and have a chat with her. Or rather, sit her down and let HER talk to YOU Let her know your disappointed with her recent behaviour but let her know you love her and you're here to help her with any problems and that together you can get her back on track.

It might be a good idea to go and arrange a meeting with your daughters class teacher as well as the head of her school with your daughter present. You might be able to get a lot more information from  her school if you go and meet with them than you might get via email. She will NOT want to be there at all, but it could be a good way to find out what is REALLY going on with her.

Oh also, she lies because she doesn't want to get into trouble (doesn't every child) however it is clearly a serious, ongoing problem which makes me think that maybe somewhere along the line she has done something bad (either on purpose or by accident) and the reaction from another person has been so negative, she will now lie all the time to avoid a confrontation. How do you react when you find out she has done something wrong? If you 'hit the roof' she will avoid telling you the truth in future to avoid confrontation. If you voice your disapproval but with a reasonable tone she will learn to trust that she will not get into a lot of trouble for her misdemeanors.

The fact it is maths she is doing poor with makes me also suggest you get her tested for discalculia (dyscalculia). This is like dyslexia but it involves problems with numbers and being able to comprehend anything from basic numerical form to more complicated math. If disgnosed, this would also explain why she will not resit tests when she is allowed to, becasue she just CAN'T understand the maths.

Anyway, I hope this has helped. Good luck and don't despair. Get to the bottom of why she is lying, work out why it seems to involve the maths, but also praise her for doing very well in her other subjects!

Answer 13

overall, i think she is doing well. it seems that Math is her only low point. get her a tutor for math or request to look at every math homework assignment she has until her score goes up.

as for her lying, go easy on her. she just didnt want to disappoint you. its not right to lie but shes a child and she was scared. you need to let her know that you are there to help her, not just to scold her.

Answer 14

Well I agree with points everyone made except the first answer.

I have 3 children, and 2 step-children. 2 of mine have been on Adderall

for ADD. The 15 yr got to a point a few years ago where he didn't need it.

The 11 yr old still takes it.

But your daughter may just have a hard time grasping math, I think if it was ADD she'd be suffering in all (or more) areas.

She probably didn't want to re-take the tests because she was afraid to fail again.

How much did she study for the tests at home?

Does her teacher make her keep an assignment notebook, it becomes mandatory, and the school provides them starting in 3rd or 4th grade in my school district.

Anyway if the teacher isn't making them use one, then you get her one, as another answer suggested, a "homework log". And make sure she writes down all assignments and up-coming tests. And reward her for doing so>>>> keep a chart with stars, and after a week if she has kept track of all assignments she gets an appropriate reward.



>>As for the lying, I have found that children lie when they are afraid of punishment, they will lie to avoid it. And if you do things like making her right 50 times that she will re-take her tests, then I can see why she lied. If you only react negatively to her bad grades, then she will continue to lie. She needs to know it's not OK to get bad grades, but also that you will help her to get better grades, and figure out the problem, and she won't be afraid to tell you the truth.

This is the same for lying about, every little thing, I went through this with my step-daughter. I tried explaining that, "If you're going to get in trouble, you might only get a time-out, if you tell the truth. But if you lie you'll get a worse punishment, like grounding from TV." Well she lied EVERY single time, and I think it was because she had too much negative reinforcement at her mom's house. Mom has custody and that's where she lives, she's just at our house for regular "visits".

None of my other kids lied like that, (at least not to that extent, all kids lie some.) But they lived in this house.

You need to try rewarding good behavior, and not just punishing, there needs to be a balance. And grounding from everything that's pretty harsh too, again I can see why she was afraid to tell the truth.

Answer 15

You should get her a tutor. I was a tutor for several years and I saw all children improve. The child will be eager to learn and she will have someone to look up to. As far as her lying, she probably didn't want to disappoint you. You should probably go easy on her.