My daughter is starting to talk about boys....?

Question

I have a daughter who will be 9 next month. She is starting to talk about boys and how she wants this one boy to be her boyfriend. This has just been happening in the last month or so, and I've kind of been dodging it. It could go two different ways. I could tell her she's too young (which she is!!) and then I'm scared she won't talk to me about stuff in the future if she thinks I am going to always disagree with her. Or either I could seem to be ok with it, so she will always come to me, but I can't really do that either. I just don't really know how to handle this. I can't keep on dodging it.

So I guess my question is how did you handle it (and what age) when your daughter started getting into boys?

Answer 1

Oh sister, I feel your pain. I am the mother of 4 daughters, the oldest being 12 and we have not had any interest in boys yet. I know the time is coming and I am trying to gear up for it. I think my husband is going to have a HARD  time when any of "HIS girls" start to show interest in the opposite s*x.  I think maybe I will watch this ? closely so I can get some ideas for the future. Thanks for asking it. LOL

Answer 2

Just remember one very important thing, your daughters version of a "boyfriend" and your version are 2 COMPLETELY different things. Her idea is a boy you hold hands with, talk to, sit next to at lunch, write little notes to, talk to on the phone, MAYBE go to movie with, and have the ability to say "thats my boyfriend". That is it. It is not sexual in any way. The most she is thinking about doing is kissing. And as long as you keep an open line of communication, everything will be fine.

Answer 3

My eldest son got his first girlfriend when he was 5.  The relationship lasted for about a year and then she started school and found lots of new boyfriends.  My youngest collects girlfriends.  Some don't even know that they are his girlfriend.  At that age, being boyfriend and girlfriend doesn't really mean very much.  I wouldn't worry.

Answer 4

I think your making a big deal out of nothing! When your nine a "boyfriend" is when you have a boy that likes you and you like chase each other on the playground and things like that. I would just smile and let her babble to you about her "boyfriend"

Answer 5

9's a little young. Just say, sweetie, you're a little young to start having a boyfriend, you can like boys, but you don't need a boyfriend. You can have a boyfriend when you're older, like when you're _____ (age of your choice). Then she will know that you don't mind it, it's just a bigger girl thing and that she can have one soon.

Answer 6

By boyfriend she doesn't mean s*x (unless she's experienced really early puberty!).  Ask her what she thinks a boyfriend is, and odds are you'll be totally reassured and won't feel a need to tell her she can't have one.

Answer 7

My daughter is almost 8 - in 2d grade -and has had "crushes" on several boys this year.  Often, the boy "likes" her too.  Of course this has worried me.  But I asked her what happens when she likes a boy and the boy likes her back.  Her response set my mind at ease.  All it means to her, is that she sits next to him at lunch, plays with him on the playground.  I asked her if they kissed or held hands and she was like "Eeww, gross!".  Ask your daughter what it means to her to have a Boyfriend, and what she will do with him once he is labeled her "boyfriend".  Her response will probably be very innocent!

Answer 8

My daughter jus turned 10 on sun. I noticed this year all of her classmates were having "boyfriends" so my husband and I told her its ok to be friends with a boy her age, but she is not allowed to have a boyfriend or date until she is 15. We told her that when she is like 12 we will permit her to go on group outings with boys and girls but that is the limit.

Answer 9

My son has been talking about girls since he could talk. He's always in love and he just turned eight. Let her talk. You can't change the way she feels, but you can talk about what she should look for in a boy. Do it now before she's NOT talking to you. Teach her about what to do if a boy says he likes her one day and then ignores her the next. This is the best time to get her ready for those hard to reach teenage years. At least you have time to help her build a solid foundation for what she wants. My son already knows he what he wants. We've talked about saving money, how to treat his girlfriend / wife, how many children he wants. I've also told him that to get these things the better he does in school, the better his chances are to be able to do the things he wants.

Answer 10

It is important to listen to what she tell's you. It's also important to let her know about when you first start liking boys. From there you can tell her that maybe they should just be friends for a while. And let her know that he is welcome to come over for a visit just to watch some moves and have some popcorn.

Answer 11

What is it with 8/9 year olds? My son just turned 9 and has told me all about all these "couples" in his classroom and who he wants to be his "girlfriend!"

Like you I was initally shocked that he'd even be talking about stuff like that right now! I was also very worried b/c you hear about kids doing crazy stuff younger and younger.

But I asked him what he meant by "girlfriend" and what the requirements were to be a couple. He said you had to hang out at recess and hold hands at lunch. I asked him about kissing and he said, "No way! Gross!"

His girlfriend lasted a whole day and then she moved on to someone else. So even though they are trying to be serious and be older then they are, I think at heart they are still just kids and its nothing to get too worked up about.

I agree with keeping the lines of communication open. See what your daughter means about "boyfriend" or what it means to be a couple and then remind her that she can always talk to you about anything and you'll set her straight about any misinformation kids at school might be telling her.

good luck!

Answer 12

i had a "boyfriend" in 1st grade haha

and i didnt turn into a s**t or anything or do drugs

i was perfectly fine :)

if you tell her shes too young shell just do it behind ur back and never tell you anything.

Answer 13

Just listen to her talking - nothing serious will happen for a few years yet!