My daughter is trying to get around my internet rules and safety. What else can I do?

Question

We've been through many discussions on privacy, safety, and internet rules.

I know her Y! minor account password and keep her IM messages archived. She knows I would not access her account unless she gave me reason to but knows I will periodically check it "just to be safe."

Also, the computer is in the living room where I can see her from there or the kitchen with the screen facing outward so we can readily monitor content. I also have content blocks from Nortons parental controls and she and I have the agreement that I have to be the one to "check" any acceptance box.

Most websites for kids have parents give permission and she has done this often.

But now she's beginning to test boundaries and has been taught by her peers how to fake her age to avoid the parental permission factor and access social sites like fanbox, myspace, and other teen websites with chat.

Aside from total grounding from internet, what can I do more than I'm already doing?

Answer 1

If you really want to scare her, look up some stories of girls her age meeting people or taling to people or giving information to people they have met on the internet and then disappearing, kidnapped, or worse. Tell her again that this is the extreme cases but that is she isn't careful she can cross the line. Also, limit her to maybe one hour a day to be on the internet and tell her if she can't resepct the rules you have set in place that you will sit there with her for that hour and watch everything she does. Also, you can periodically come and sit by her to check on what she's doing. If she is choosing to be disobedient and shady about using the internet I would tell her that she's going to be under watch and that you will come to her anytime she's on the computer and look at what she's doing. She sounds like a good kid, but every kid tests the boundaries once in a while. The trick is to have an open and honest line of communication with her and also, you want them to fear the consequences of their actions! I didn't do hardly anything wrong as a kid bc my older brother and sister were constantly in trouble and I saw that they were always grounded, getting the talk, having privleges taken away. Just remind her of what she already knows!

Answer 2

Well, I think what you've done is a good start. Unfortunately, the only thing I think that will really show her you mean business is to lay it all out. If you catching her breaking a rule- it's 1 week off the Internet. If you catch her again, it's 2 weeks. Third time is complete loss of privileges of Internet until whenever you decide to give it back. Don't give in for at least a month or 2 after the third offense.

Answer 3

seeming that she wants to try and go beyond them boundaries...if i we're you i would just block her out of the computer until she realizes why you are doing that..there's too many predators around lurking for young children and you can't take that chance!

Answer 4

Um.....I would cut her off.  If she can't follow the rules - she can't use the computer.  Simple as that!!!  I bet she will straighten up real fast.

Answer 5

There are ways to get around everything. Kids are smart. I would limit her internet usage and be there with her while she surfs. Kids dont need to spend a lot of time online anyway. There are so many dangers. You can never be too safe. By being there with her, you know for a fact that she is safe.

Answer 6

unplug it until she learns how to respect your rules again .

Answer 7

honestly- nothing. your daughter is testing your boundaries to see how far she can go and how much she can get away with. it's up to you to now put the respnsiblity back in her court. re explain to her the reasons behind why your doing what your doing and reinforce that you don't want her doing things on the internet without your permission for those exact reason and then leave it in her hands. if she then abuses the trust- there has to be a clear consequence to her actions. if that means she's banned from the internet, then so be it. if she needs it for school, then whilst she's banned you'll have to sit right next to her while she's online.

good luck- your in for a rough road as this is just the start of a long journey with your daughter..

Answer 8

Take the computer away.  I mean take it out of there.  All you have to do is unplug it and than uplug the power cord from the tower and take the cord with you when you are not home.

She doesn't like your rules and doesn't want to play by them so it is time that take total control.

Answer 9

Take her to the website for exploited and missing children, they work very hard to protect kids from Internet predators. It probably has a section designed for this purpose. I have seen them on Oprah quite a few times.

Answer 10

unplug it, no one says she has to have a computer and internet. its not a necessity for life. youre the parent,if you say no internet, then guess what?....no internet.

Answer 11

Take the computer away.  What are you waiting for?

Answer 12

you can buy parental control software that allows you to not only block certain sites and material but also can set time limits where the comuter literally won't allow you to log on without a password on certain times of the day.

http://www.parentalsoftware.org/

http://www.consumersearch.com/www/softwa...

Answer 13

You're the parent. What are you teaching her? I would unplug the computer or remove it. If you can't respect the rules then it's not yours to be on. This way she knows the rules are the rules. She will respect you. She won't like it but she'll be ok.

Answer 14

sorry but kinda lol....ur too over protective....the kid needs some freedom....just tell her not to say her adress .....usa is big .if she shares her pic nothing will happen. be cool

Answer 15

Taking the computer completely and literally away or simply disconnect the internet and hide the cord.

You can also ground her if she breaks one of your rules, no computer, no phone, no tv. and/or maybe no friends for a week or so. (depending on what rule she broke) .

Answer 16

Look, if she's like any normal kid, she's going to want to branch out MORE because you're so restricting.

(You think you're protecting her now, but her "rebellious" stage is gonna be h**l if you keep doing this stuff.  Trust me.  I'm a 17 year old.  With teenage friends.)

Here's the thing: It's good you're trying to keep her safe, it really is.  However.  You need to trust your daughter.  Does she give you a reason to put up all these boundaries?  If you raised her to be honest and a good kid, you shouldn't have to go as far as to routinely check her accounts, nor would you have to monitor as strictly as you do.

And let me tell you something about myself:

I'm still a "kid", yes, but I'm going to a good college this September, University of Minnesota, I was in the Honors and AP classes in high school, I took college classes in high school, I volunteered for a year at the nursing home I now work at (and I work in three different departments there, and I always get compliments on how good I am with the residents or how helpful I am), I made honor roll 75% of the time, and my senior year I got straight A's in both of my college and high school classes.

I've never done drugs, never been drinking at a party, and the only person I've had s*x with was a guy I'd dated for two and a half years who is my best friend as well.

Not a bad kid, right?  

Yeah, I looked at p**n when I was younger, I had a Xanga, I had a Myspace, I had a Facebook, I went on chatrooms, I talked to people miles and miles away on AIM and MSN.

And yes, I still do that stuff.  (Besides the p**n- I don't find it to be that great.  Actually grosses me out and makes me a little annoyed that there are people out there that will actually put themselves out there like that)

If you want to keep your daughter safe, don't make her think you don't trust her.  Don't make her WANT to break free from all your rules.

If you want to keep her safe, teach her not to give out anything more than her FIRST name, age, and state she lives in.  Anything past that is too much information.

We're kids.  We're teenagers.  We're always going to test our boundaries until we are either trusted as adults or until we get around the rules.  And frankly, I've learned throughout the years that the kids who had so many rules and strict parents were the ones that ended up pregnant, doing drugs, drinking all the time at parties, etc.  Whereas the people I know who had parents that WEREN'T big on rules and restrictions barely ever touched that stuff- they didn't feel a reason to break out.

Answer 17

You know, if she's testing, just straight up change the password(s) on the computer itself and say "tough c**p." Lord knows I've had to do the same with my sons. And if that doesn't work, well, human society moved forward for hundreds of years without the internet. And you'll probably get the "I hate you! Blah blah blah" but, you gotta put your foot down and stick to it. It sucks when kids say that, but, they gotta learn now or they never will, you know?

Best of luck to you!