My daughter married a man who calls his boys and her son ladies/girls. They are 2, 3 & 5. This is wrong.?

Question

He told me when they start acting like men, he won't call them ladies/girls. They are pre-schoolers. I don't want this man calling my little 3 year old grandson a girl. My daughter won't stand up to him because I think he's brain washed her like she a stepford wife. I told him it is wrong, but my daughter doesn't agree and tries to make me believe it's no big deal.

Answer 1

Definately sounds abusive.  I agree with Glenna.  Those children will grow to be verrrry confused.

What an awful thing.

Answer 2

OK, fine.  They aren't men.  He could call them boys then.  Its completely inappropriate to refer to them as ladies/girls.  It could be considered verbal abuse if they aren't careful.  Those kids are going to be VERY confused as they grow up.  Eventually, teachers are going to catch on that something weird is going on and they'll probably have a serious discussion with the parents.  Since the parents don't care though, they'd likely call social services.  If I were you, I wouldn't allow it to happen any longer.  I suggest you call CPS and make a report against them.

Answer 3

since you aren't married to the man, you don't have a say in the relationship.

Answer 4

Maybe he only does it in front of you to jerk your chain ? Teasing the guys in front of the mother-in-law just to get her rattled isn't unheard of. Perhaps your daughter knows he is doing this and since it is for your benefit is not overly concerned ?

He certainly wouldn't be the first guy who did things to upset his mother-in-law on purpose, hoping she would get a life of her own and stay out of his.

Answer 5

That is extremely damaging. I would report him for verbally abusing these kids. They are going to have serious problems with a sick dad like that.

Answer 6

Mine last 2 and a half years until his wife and my parents found out about it! I'm 22 and he is 55! He has been married for 22 years and has one girl who is 19 who is autism and one boy who is 22 who is slow. His daughter caught of fuc*ing on the couch one time and didn't tell anybody. My married man EVEN gave me a ring and promise me stuff and we would fuc* any where we can

Answer 7

my husband does it to my boys.  my boys cry and wine alot especially my youngest cause he's a momma's boy.  i don't think there's anything wrong with it cause in the near future there going to need to toughen up if they want to get somewhere in this world.  my boys stop when he says that and i don't say anything about it.  there's nothing wrong and my husband has not "brainwashed" me.  after he tells my boys to stop acting like girls they stop crying.  what is so horrible about it???  i say nothing

Answer 8

I lend my personal opinion that this is verbally abusive to these young boys.

On a more professional level, I can say that my wife works in the industry of child abuse prevention, residential homes, and around social workers that regularly deal with a myriad of abuse issues surrounding children, and this behavior is certainly categorically abusive.  It is important to note that even if the fathers' intent is not motivated by a desire to be abusive that this does not automatically mean that the behavior is not.

Because of the varying opinions held by parents on what is and is not abusive, there has been a standard set, irrespective of whether a parent recognizes it or not.

You are in an unfortunate place because you can only control yourself and not your daughter or her husband.  One must wonder how your son-in-law was raised, to even jokingly refer to his sons as something other than their real identity.  Without a doubt, he was subjected to like treatment.

Don't let your daughter try and sway you from what you know to be right.  What he's doing is very wrong, and there is no justification to excuse it.  Remind her that you love her and her children.  Make her aware that you know what is happening is wrong, and that it hurts you deeply but you will respect her position as a parent.  The children will have their own issues to work out.  It is sad that this sort of thing is such a regular occurence.

Answer 9

he is seriously going to make them confused. this is the man that those boys are going to look upto and admire and if he is calling them girls, its going to have a very confusing affect on them. i think his the girl by calling these boys names. your daughter also has to put an end to this. teach one of the boys to call him a lady and lets see his reaction.

Answer 10

This father doesn't respect his little boys. He is actually degrading them. He needs to stop, for they will grow up feeling different, and that he doesn't love them. That they are not good enough for him.

Answer 11

Maybe you should start calling him "lady or girl" until HE learns to behave like a man!!  He's a jerk.