My daughter now 5 asked me where her daddy was. what to say please help?

Question

well yesterday my daughter turned 5 and i wanted to know what i should do about this. she asked me where her daddy was and when he was coming back. i didn't know what to say so my husband and i said that he was her daddy that she just looked like mommy so what should i do when she gets older i do want to tell her but i want to wait until she is grown up. i just don't want her to hate me when she finds out my husband adopted her and ain't her real dad so what should i do i am in need for some help. will my daughter hate me please help

Answer 1

I think you need to tell her now and not lie about it. Tell her that her real daddy decided that he didn't want to be in her life and you found her a better daddy to take care of her and love her. Just reassure her that it wasn't anything she did or her fault. That way you won't be lying. When she is older you can explain the whole story.

Answer 2

tell her that her real daddy couldn't be a good daddy so he did the nice thing by letting someone else who could be a good daddy raise her.

i know how you feel.  my little cousins asked me if their mommy loved them anymore (CPS took them away for neglect).  i ended up explaining that mommy couldn't take care of them properly and needed some time to learn how.  then i told them that no matter what she still loved them and by giving them up she was helping them to have a happy life.

Answer 3

Are you her real mother or did you both adopt her? but yes I think you should tell her one day when she's older. otherwise the longer you keep it from her the more she might feel hurt. But be gentle if / when you tell her. I have a feeling that she will still love you both.

Answer 4

Well, first i think it depends on where her real father is if you should tell her the WHOLE truth or not. If its not a terrible thing then tell her the truth.

If it is pretty ugly, then just tell her that her "biological" father is gone, and that your husband is still her Daddy.

If she asks what "biological" means, tell her that its your blood father or something, try to put it into words that she'll understand.

Hope this helps.  

Answer 5

Wait a few more years, then explain the basics of adoption... I was adopted, and was told at age 8, when I asked if I kicked my mom, while in her tummy.

I have a cousin, and a niece, who were both adopted by their (adoptive) father, and my niece recently found out, and she exploded. (She was 18, when she found out.) It would have been SO much better, if she'd heard it from them, but she found out from a vindictive family member... My cousin---now 40---still doesn't know, but everyone else in the family does, which I think is wrong... Just tell her her daddy is the one who cares for her, and loves her, even though he didn't make her.

Answer 6

i have a daughter that is 6 and her sperm donor (i call it) is not around and never really was. my husband has been in the picture since she was 8 months old. the thing is she still remember the other thing a tiny bit. one day she ask me why he didn't want his little girl. i told her that deep down i believe he loves her but he has a funny way to show it. i told her that God made her really special because she stold another man's heart for her daddy. i told her how she jumped straight into her daddy's arms when she first seen him( she has always called my husband daddy). she told me it's okay if he don't want me because i have a better daddy now. there are days when she feels said and she look at me and ask me to tell her about how she met her daddy. it makes her feel special. don't lie to your kid because it will only hurt her in the long run. make it known that she is special enough to still another man's heart. only really special girls can do that.

Answer 7

Where is her real dad? I know she is young but I don't think you should have lied to her. I think you should have told her the truth. I am sure she would have many uncomfortable questions, but i think its best to be honest with your kids. I would be more hurt and mad at bith of you if I found all this out later in my life.  

Answer 8

Fix this now. Sit her down and tell her that what you meant was that your hubby is the one in her life, he is her daddy, but her real father isn't around. What ever that story is, put that in kid terms. like he went away to diff state. He loves you but priorities are diff. then ours. Something like that. Never bad talk him, put it in gentle kid terms, but don't lie to your child. Your hubby is her dad, he is the male role model and her step dad. her father is her father and not around. Be honest, correct this now, it will be much easier then you think. Don't ever lie to your child about who their parent is.

Answer 9

Lying about adoption is really a bad idea.  It will not only shock her when she finds out and make her mistrust you, but it will give her the impression that there's something bad about adoption.  You should have been open and honest from the start.  Since you didn't, start now - the earlier, the better.  Explain to her that her biological daddy - the one who helped you make her, wasn't ready to be a daddy.  Your husband  CHOSE to be her daddy because he loves her.  Emphasize that you both love her and will never leave.  

Answer 10

She asked where her "daddy" was.  That's a person who takes care of her, tucks her in bed at night, takes her out to her favorite place and gets her the occassional toy.  Sounds like your husband (her adopted dad) to me.  She didn't ask who was the person that provided her 1/2 of her genetic makeup.  You don't say what happened to him (death? divorce? fling?) - but  I wouldn't tell her anything until she's a bit older when she can actually understand the situation better (I dunno - 10 yrs old maybe).  A 5 yr old can't yet understand "very emotional" situations like death, divorce, etc.  She'll blame herself and think she did something "to make him go away."  Wait a few more years.

Answer 11

if you dont tell her the truth now and later when she does find out she is going to be mad most likely and probably dont want to talk for a little bit so i would sit her down and explain thing to her on her own level and make sure its the truth....... make sure she knows even though her dad is not around there is still people that love her and she is not alone that there are more people without mommies and daddies

Answer 12

oh geeze im sorry about that.  

Answer 13

Just wait til she is a little older and be completely honest with her.

My daughter's biological father gave up his parental rights

And my fiance is thinking about adopting her when we get married.

You're daughter will not hate you.

Just let her know that you wanted to wait a little longer

Until you knew she was old enough to understand what really happened.

Hope this Helps. =]

--Kari♥

Answer 14

It's better to tell her now.  She obviously knows something to ask that sort of question and by lying to her, she'll think you're a liar.  

Just explain that someone else helped make her, but Daddy (your husband) is her Daddy because he loves her so much and he's a better Daddy than the other one could be.  She might ask to see pictures to satisfy her mind so she doesn't have to wonder what he looks like, but that will most likely be the end of it.

My sister had the same situation with her daughter.  Bio-dad was never in the picture, he was abusive and moved across country when he found out there was going to be a child.  She has an adoptive Daddy now, but knows about the bio one and she still puts him out of her mind.  To her, Daddy is her REAL Daddy.