My daughter still sleeps with me and my husband...?

Question

i just want to say that she used to sleep in her own bed. i don't know if it's b/c we moved to a new location and a much older house with a loud "scary" sounding heater that makes her crawl into bed with us. I mean, she's almost six half way to 10...we can't take it anymore!!

Answer 1

I have 4 children and never let a child sleep in my bed until my 4th child. He still prefers to sleep with me and he will be 7 soon. I get about half the time alone and the other half with him. I did the toddler bed next to my bed for a while and then moved it into his room at which time he refused to sleep in it (it was even a really cool fire truck bed). Currently we are re-doing his room. He is helping with everything including the painting! I hoping this will be the final thing that will get him 100% into his own bed. Being proud of the room that he helped create could go a long way. I'm looking forward to missing him when he is out of my bed! GL

Answer 2

Sounds like my life story!  My children (6 and 4) did the exact same thing.  My son (6) slept with us until he was 3, then when he was put to bed, he needed us to stay with him until he fell asleep.  With our daughter, we chose to start off right, but due to brother's habits, she developed the same issue.  It's a combination of separation anxiety/ I'm-in-control.  Plus it didn't help to be in a 100 yr old house with all the eerie sounds, and the furnace being loud.  Anyway, after moving into the new house, I explained that they were old enough to not need their parents to assist them with sleep (congratulations, you are able to sleep for yourselves!), and that mom and dad we're just down the hall, going to bed, and that we're always here.  If they slept the whole week without any assistance, and with no interruptions to us or each other, they could have a "sleepover"  with mom and dad. So far, it's working.  I've had no trouble since I started this 2 months ago!  Hope this helps.

Answer 3

I would try to get her some new things for her room that would make it special.  Tell her she can only get them if she stays in her room.  Maybe try a new bed spread or some decorations that she would think are cool...  Thats what I did for my son who is 4.  I was tough on him and let him cry it out...But I got him spider man stickers for the wall that will come off with out peeling. Now if only I could be tough on the one year old...

Answer 4

Since she's scared of the noise the heater makes, what about putting a white noise machine in her room to mask the sound? Or playing a CD with soothing music? (keep it on repeat so if she wakes up in the middle of the night she isn't in complete silence again)

Answer 5

Has she always slept in her own room and this is a new thing? If so maybe something is making her afraid... a noise or shadow maybe. Might try buying her a cool new night light or turning the radio on low.

If you have co-slept, and just moved her to her own room recently. It could just take her more time to get used to it..

If she just really feels safer with you guys near. Maybe a sleeping bag in your room for awhile would help make the move easier.

Remember to enjoy the snuggle time now while you can!!

She'll be older soon enough.

Answer 6

When my daughter was younger she slept in our bed but we moved her out about two. We started off slow by moving a toddler bed next to our bed and she slept in her bed that way for a couple of months that way she was still in our room then after doing that for a while we moved her into her own room. We let her decorate it how she wanted let her go out and pick out new bedding for her bed and we had moved her into a twin bed so it was her new big girl bed. we also put a tv in her room that way it helped cover up all the noises she was hearing in the middle of the night that scared her. She has slept in her room ever since and loved it! Good Luck! Thats a tuff one!

Answer 7

Close and lock your bedroom door. She'll have a fit for a couple of days but she'll figure it out before too long.

You are the mom, you have to make her do things.

Answer 8

Yes I know what a hard decision it is to have family bed or not, maybe you can tell her she can't stay on the weekends.  Make a deal that during the school week, it's O.K. because you want her to have a great day at school (not because it's date night).  Then after a couple months make her stay in her room with a new T.V. with a DVD player.  Put on something she has seen before, nothing new and exciting.  And try getting her a new stuffed animal to keep her company.

My daughter didn't sleep with us when she was little and now I feel the experts are wrong on that.  And it was all for nothing, because when she was bullied in school at 7 she wanted me to stay with her in her room until she fell asleep.  It went on for the whole school year.  I'd read to her for 20 minutes, but then she wanted to talk for an hour!   I hope you don't get that problem, you know how girls chat.

I even bought a relaxing yoga tape for her.  I just told her I can't stay, be a big girl, we'll talk in the morning.  It didn't work at first, but I started rewarding her with Webkinz stuffed animals.  They're very popular, your daughter will want them anyways when she hears about them at school, if she doesn't already know about them.

Answer 9

You shouldn't have ever started her sleeping with you.

It'll be VERY hard to undo whats been her regular routine.

Answer 10

My aunt and uncle went through this with my little cousin. She was sleeping with them til she was about 9 (which is WAY too old)! They started making little rules for her like, she couldn't sleep in their bed. If she wanted to be in their room, she had to sleep on the floor. Also, she could not come into their room unless it was past 1am(or something). Then, they started offering rewards for sleeping in her own bed. Two nights in a row, and she got to choose what they had for dinner, three nights in a row, and she was allowed to "whatever".... I'm sure you could think of some incentives for her. Give it a try.

Answer 11

Yes, tell her no. you are the Mama, and thus you are in charge. the fact that you are so EXHAUSTED you don't here her moving into bed with you shows you aren't getting enough sleep (I wake up if the cat jumps on the bed)  Put a bell on her door, or your door or both. tell her that you love her and that she isn't in trouble that you and daddy need that time  to rest and talk together (h**l-o? s*x life?)  you will read her two stories every night that adios. this might be hard (OK really hard) at first but you are doing now what i did when my kids were infants, and that is teach them to fall asleep on there own, alone, without me. back then they couldn't walk , so it was just crying..... so now you have to deal with crying and walking.  Good luck to you, but if you don't learn to tell your child no to this, what else do they get to take from you?

Answer 12

A friend of mine put a "baby" gate at the entrance to her bedroom. The child couldn't get into their bed. There was screaming for  2 nights, but the kid finally stopped the midnight visits. Not sure if I would recommend it, but it worked for her.

Answer 13

Find out if there's something in her room that makes her uncomfortable, the darkness, the closet, or a scary tree out the window?   Try and get her a night light, or put her fav dolls/ or stuffed animal into the bed with her.  Let her "pretend" to have a camp-out under the sheets.  Or you could try and let her watch her fav video/dvd until she falls asleep.  It may take time, but she will get there.

Answer 14

New location and old house are ok, but you have to do something about loud scary sounding heaters. In the quiet her sleep will not be disturbed. Think of her being woken up in the middle of the night due to sudden change in that noise and finding herself alone!

Anyway, it will be a temporary problem.

All the best!

Answer 15

Let her sleep with the tv on in her room, or give her a night light.  maybe she afraid of the dark.

Answer 16

my son just turned one and still sleeps with us...I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that what you describe would some day happen is I don't put down my foot on some tough love soon.

my only suggestion is tough love.

Answer 17

You are inviting misery into your bed..This is  not good for your child or your marrage... tonight put her in her own bed. tell her she is fine.. Tell her she is too old to sleep with dad.

and that if the school found out all of you would be in terrible trouble... give her good wishes something nice to think about and a cuddely animal of some kind to hold on to.

get a night light if she is worried. but never ever let her lay in your bed again....   she will cry.. maybe scream and perhaps be a real handful  but she will tire after a few days so it is best to start this near the weekend where hopefully the working people may have some time to recover...She is not in charge and she is not responcible for the long delay.. but she does have to live with it... do not delay do it now... haven't you seen the nanny?

Answer 18

You need to talk to her about being a "big girl". She is six and should be old enough to do certain things on her own.

Have rewards for sleeping in her own bed, but if she comes into your room and its not an emergency she will lose a privelage.

So if she sleeps in her bed maybe you guys can do something fun like go to the park, or go get frozen yogurt. But if she comes into your room, she is unable to do those fun things and might lose the privelage of playing with friends.

Also if she comes into your room at night and you wake up put her immeadiatly back into her room. If you don't then its saying it is okay.

Maybe put something in front of your door that would wake you up, like hang a bell on the door so if it is opened you will hear it.

Good Luck and hopefully this will work!