My daughter stubbornly refuses to go to school. Please help. ?

Question

She's a 13 year old girl going into 8th grade. Her name is Audrey. She has told me today at dinner that she's not going to school. After yelling at her, she threatened to run away to go live with her mom. Her mother and I got divorced about two years ago and her mother doesn't want her, but of course Audrey doesn't know that.

I don't really understand why she's acting this way, but I think it's because she gets bullied there. I don't think she really has any friends, from the lack of phone call and social life. She gets C's and D's and rarely does homework. She often comes home crying in her room and won't tell anyone why.

Is she depressed or psychologically ill? I don't know what to do with her and I'm afraid she'll run away. What should i do? Thanks so much.

Answer 1

I'd also place a call to the school and find out from her teachers and counsellors what her issues at school are.  There's a lot more to this than meets the eye.  A girl that age is going through a lot, and she may need a female mother-figure in her life, a mentor to help out.  Maybe Big Sisters organization?  I'm surprised you haven't heard from her teachers or principal by now.

Answer 2

It's time to have a long talk that contains the truth and nothing but the truth. If she refuses to talk about her problems so a solution can be found you are screwed because any solution will require her cooperation.

Answer 3

well she definatley needs a friend, if you can try to help out with that, as for school you cant yell i know its frusturating but that will only make it worse (on so many levels) tell her she needs to ignore other kids completley (bullies) those kids are idiots and there gonna be working in a greasy burger stand for years. tell her that shes there for nobody but herself, explain to her that life will be so much easier if she gets through school its very important, and its part of being a kid she needs to live it up while education is being served to her for free, because it not easy out there, tell her to forget about the mean kids or anything else that makes her discouraged, and focus on doing well in school because she will excel if she disregards all that c**p, and goes on to do well, now if you can fit that into a pep talk that a 13 year can digest then go for it

Answer 4

Well asking a bunch of strangers on Y!A isn't what you should do.  Make a doctor's appointment for her and see if she needs a therapist and if she should maybe go to a private school.

Answer 5

sit her down and ask her why she doesnt want to go to school.  listen to her and do not yell.  if she is getting bullied u r her father and need to find a way to make it stop.  be firm (but dont yell) tell her why she has to go to school.  maybe u could transfer her to another school.  

Answer 6

Ask her very nicely why dont you like school how come you dont want to go yelling will get you nowhere it will only make the situation worse good luck (: and if she tells you shes being bullied buy her some cute new altfets to start the new school year sadly this world is based on looks and what you wear or what you look like talk nicely to her (:  

Answer 7

I have a daughter who has done the same. I have taken her to counseling and that is starting to help.  You say her mother don't want her and your daughter don't know this.  I think she does know this and that's why she is acting out. Also if she is having problems in school, has she ever been tested for a learning disability. My son had a reading disability to were he couldn't read as fast as the other, he was having a hard time keeping up,so he was falling behind.  I got him help and he is doing better.  I'm here if you need someone to talk to.  Just remember your daughter is not a bad kid, she just going through alot and don't know how to really handle it.  She needs you to help her through this.

Answer 8

before dropping her back at school maybe give her 1 day off BUT tell her that whole day she is going to be helping you around the house and that you both are going to sit down and have a big chat on why she dosent want to go to school.

its more than likely because she is getting bullied ( i was bullied at school it wasnt nice).

you will also probably find she is suffering from depression in regards to her schooling life (low grades & bulling you may even find the odd teacher is picking on her teachers picking on students for not being "smart like the others" is more common then you think.

put a few options out for her

1. changing schools

2. hgaving a chat to your local doctor

3. seeing a psycologist

hope this helps i know where shes comming from due to teacher picking on me, bad grades and being over weight and beoing picked on i fell into a depression. shes also very self consious of her body image so just tell her you think shes beautiful just the way she is and maybe offer hera gym membership? hope it all helps!

Answer 9

Are you serious?  You suspect she’s being bullied, she comes home crying, she has no friends, and you’ve done nothing?  You should have been dealing with this long ago.  

Have you tried talking to her teachers?  Have you tried taking her to a counselor (often kids will tell a counselor things they won't tell their parents)?  

Here's some advice--you can't parent by ignoring problems.  Take some action to determine exactly what the problem is and help her attempt to resolve it.

Answer 10

Start with getting her to express some real REASONS why she won't go to school. Is she being bullied? Is it a boy? Is she having trouble hearing or seeing the lessons? Is she depressed? Is it PMS?  Is there a learning disability and would some coaching from some place like Kumon help?

I would say the assessment of depression is probably right on target.

Try calling the school guidance counselor for either an appointment with them (if the counselor is qualified... chances are they have seen everything already), or at least get a referral to a good child psychologist.

If she is just being a brat, then you can lay down the law... and don't be afraid to.

You can try to use a little psychology... make it so distasteful to be stuck at home (lots of hard work) that school looks more appealing. A few vacation days spent cracking the whip with some yard work might pay off.

Answer 11

From the way you describe her actions it sounds like she is bullied, or made fun of somehow at school. She sounds afraid to go to school because of the other kids doing this to her..You need to speak to her teachers, her guidence councelor, the principle, and if theres a threapist at school talk to her or him also.. Chances are if your daughters not telling you whats going on in school shes not telling anyone else at school either, so if they dont know whats wrong or going on they cant help her.. My son went thru the same thing at school but I had the oppertunity to pull him out of that school and his dad home schooled him in another state.. That school now has a no bully policy.. by either students or faculity. (Yes there are teachers that have been known to bully childern in their classes, sad but true). My son would fake being sick so I wouldnt send him to school or he would call me from school saying he was sick, at the time I really thought he was sick.. having bad coughes and pretending to throw up.. Each trip to the doctor indicated nothing was wrong with him..

She needs to talk to a therapist.. chances are shes not going to open up to you as much as she would a counceler or therapist.. she might be afraid to talk to you, not that you would hate her or be mad at her, but some kids feel more comforatable talking to someone other then their parents or family members.. and they are trained to deal with situations like this.. Deep down she might love school but cant show it because she cant feel it bc of the bullies and whats shes going thru.. Kids can be cruel sometimes and if the situation isnt recogizned and addressed quickly and by the proper people.. it could cause her more damage that cant be undone in her future.. I wish you luck and hope that things work out.. also dont be afraid to speak up and speak for her.. and if she feels that your not helping her she might run away or do something worse.. Im not trying to upset you or get you worried, Ive been thru this and was blind to it for almost a year until my son finally spoke up to me... Catch the signs early and help her have a great school year this year and for all the rest!!  

Answer 12

Try to get her into some after school activities or groups.  She could find some good friends there with the same interests as her.  Talk to her to see why she doesn't want to return to school.  No yelling or fighting with her during the conversation.  If she see's that you are really trying to help her she might be able to talk to you a little easier.  Of course, it could be one of those pesky " girl things".  In which case I would say, get a close friend of yours that happens to be a girl to try and talk to her.  Good Luck!!!

Answer 13

Umm..you are the parent. You need to lay down the law to her. Also, I think police can help in this kind of situation too. I'm sure she'd be thrilled to know this. Tough love, dad..you gotta be firm. Sounds like you have your hands full. Good luck.

Answer 14

In the morning tell her that your taking her out to breakfast, but drop her off at school. She is you daughter, you need to take action, you are in charge of her, its not the other way around! Punish her, grounded from, phone, or pc, or tv, or friends, or what ever she does alot and likes to do...

it is as easy as that!