My daughter told me her Dads partner smacked her and shouted at her can I stop her from being near my child?

Question

My 3yr old daughter told me that her fathers girlfriend (whos he's been with for 4 mths) smacked her bum, shouts at her and called her a disgusting name. I spoke to her father about this and asked that his girlfriend stay away from our daughter but he refuses to listen and says that its all nonsense. He only has our daughter for 2 nights a week and lives with his parents. I've tried talking to them but they are scared if they tell him that his new partner cannot be there when our daughter is he will move out and worsen the debt he is already in. I know you have to take what a 3yr old says with a pinch of salt but surely any normal parent would be concerned? I want to know what I can do to prevent his girlfriend from being there and where to go from here regarding his access to our daughter.

Answer 1

Consult your lawyer.  If you have reason to believe that this behaviour goes beyond what is reasonable for a three year old (a smack on the bum is NOT beyond a toddler, but calling a child names is wrong, wrong, wrong) you can petition the court to restrict who may be around the child during his visitation time.

Answer 2

If that was me..

I would confront her, Tell her what my daughter told me and that if I get ONE MORE COMPLAIN of ANY KIND, I will be back and kick her A**! That's just me.

If you didn't want to do that. . .

You can tell her that she can NEVER lay a hand on her, EVER!  And warned them both (more her father) and tell her, If anything like that happens again, He will loose all privileges on seeing his daughter.

Answer 3

Wow.  I would want to smack living life out of this chick.  That said, I say go back to court and tell the judge what you've been witnessing.  Tell them you feel strongly that there may be abuse happening in the home and that her father refuses to do anything about it.   At the very least you'll have something on record and they can suspend visitation until this all gets ironed out.  

Good luck....

Answer 4

Smack the ****** back she cant go around abusing your daughter

Answer 5

call the police or try to limit the visitation to supervised visits

Answer 6

If he pays child support you cant prevent him from seeing your daughter. You dont need to worry about him moving out and worsening his debt. You have your daughters welfare and safety to consider and thats #1. I would FIRMLY tell him that she is not allowed to see your daughter at all (and you will find out because all you have to do is ask your daughter) and if she comes near her you'll be forced to take further action. If he doesnt accept the severity of the situation then thats a big issue. A spanking is one thing, but verbally abusing a 3 year old is not acceptable. I would be on a rampage if anyone laid a hand on my child or called her a name.

My daughter is 3 and will tell me she did do something when she didnt but she has never lied about what someone called her. I personally dont think a 3 year old is that creative yet. I think the name calling thing you should take seriously.

Answer 7

Arrange a meeting with his partner, read her the riot act and if she gets stroppy, belt her, then she may understand.

Answer 8

You should be concerned.  I would confront her and let her know that from now on all discipline issues will be handled by you or your daughter's father.  She should i no way be disciplining your daughter in that manner since she's not her kid.  I'm all for corporal punishment when its needed, but step-parents are walking a thin line when they do it to their step-children.

Answer 9

Well, plenty of people on here feel that smacking is a perfectly fine form of punishment/discipline.  I don't, but just so you know.

Have you ever been around his girlfriend and your child at the same time?  If not, that is the first thing I would do; set up a meeting, outing so you can see how she interacts with your daughter.  Not that she won't be on her "best behavior" but you will be able to tell if your daughter's story has some truth to it.

Then, I would not confront your ex, I would confront her myself.  She's your child and you have every right to be concerned and direct.

Answer 10

No Maam'! Girl, I would have already done been over there. I would get it all straight. That's my advice - Go over there w/ your daughter. Do an open discussion w/ dad and girlfriend. See how the girlfriend reacts to the accusations. Usually a 3 year old doesn't lie. C'mon now, lying is way too young yet. Of course they have a vivid imagination, but lying.

I don't think so. I would also maybe bluff dad. I would talk to him privately and say "you know I thought that even with a new girlfriend, you wouldn't put your daughter on the back burner. I thought you loved her more than that, it shows you don't because you would want to protect her, and let him know you are reporting this with your couselor/lawyer.

Answer 11

I am sure you have the legal right to demand that she doesn't go near your daughter. She is not related and has no parental responsibility and has been accused of abusive behaviour.

Yes, of course you must take a 3 y.os words with a pinch of salt but that's a big something for your daughter to make up for no reason. This woman obviously did something to hurt your daughter and should not be allowed to do it again. Go with your instinct with this one - you don't know her, and you hear so many awful stories in the news where a mother made a misjudgment with their child, not making a fuss and something happens.

Perhaps try talking to the woman, with your ex present, find out if she's admitting this (it's possible she thinks this is acceptable behaviour and just needs to be asked not to do it again). If she denies it then you can put it to her that you will seek action to prevent it happening in the future. Was your ex present whilst she abused your daughter? Why did he not step in? Or if he wasn't present why was your daughter left in the sole care of someone who hasn't yet earned your trust without your permission? (Obviously not expecting you to answer this yourself but it might be an idea to ask them!).. The important thing is to remain calm and adult with them both and to go in armed with knowledge to back up your power and your rights.

In fact, if your daughter was abused under your exes care then he would probably be held in part responsible, so perhaps he should re-think his vulnerable position before refusing you the right to make decisions as her primary care-giver! These things can be proven too so it is not necessarily their word against that of a 3 y.o. I'm sure!

Most importantly you need to know how your daughter feels about spending time with Daddy & his new gf and whether this episode has affected her at all (trust issues). She may need reassurance that she doesn't deserve to be treated that way and that she can always tell you if something happens.

Also think about what caused the incident, do you need to discuss what discipline measures work with your daughter and what is unacceptable?

Here's a link to help you identify abuse and advice on how to protect children: http://www.nspcc.org.uk/HelpAndAdvice/Wh...

Obviously this one isolated incident is unlikely to be flagged as ABUSE but if repeated would be, and as her mother you are quite right to want to prevent it happening again. I'm sure contacting the NSPCC is your best way of getting any legislation advice you need.

Definitely go with your instinct where your daughter's safety is concerned though, and never feel bad for it - you'd feel worse if you didn't act and something happened.

I hope this was of some help and I wish you the best of luck finding a resolution that suits all of you.  

Answer 12

STOP thoise visits now! Don't let this stranger hit your child....if your ex complains let it go to court...tell the ex he is welcome to see your daughter at your home WITHOUT his girlfriend....but never with this woman around...threaten HIM with the law.....

Answer 13

some new partners find it hard to accept children from a previous relationship, i think this women is jealous and sees your young daughter as a threat to their relationship. personally i would contact social services and report the incident to the police, but the first thing i would do is stop your daughter having any contact with your ex while this other woman is around, i know it sounds hard but your daughters physical and mental health is more important, if your ex is not prepared to protect your daughter what choice have you got. you should be able to get free legal advice from a solicitor . good luck.

Answer 14

Refuse to let him take your daughter until he agrees to not have his girlfriend around. Or you can talk to his girlfriend and tell her that you don't want her hitting and yelling at your daughter you have a right to protect her at all cost and if they can't treat her nicely then they don't need to be around her.

Answer 15

Yes you can stop her hitting your 3 year old baby,

see your lawyer or the child protection officer at your local social work dept.  

Answer 16

I would be having a word with the girlfirend and stopping your ex seeing his daughter until he sorts out the girlfriend, my daughter is 3 and I now what you mean bout taking what they say with a pinch of salt but something like that I doubt a 3 year old would get wrong, good luck its appaling that this woman thinks she is in the right to discipline your daughter how dare she, good luck

Answer 17

You could get a restraining order. But you would need proof. Although I agree with you, they would take that as a little incident, nothing farther.

Answer 18

You have a right to be concerned if anyone did this to my child I would be onto social services in an instant to tell them what is going on. The protection of the child is paramount. If the child is being abused then it is likely that the social will do something about it and if the childs dad does not like this then he will have to deal with it himself. As he seems reluctant to do so its time you take the action it deserves. No young child should be subjected to this.  

Answer 19

I would see his partner and confront her.  I would tell her if she ever mistreats my child, I will complain to Social Services.

Answer 20

A 3 year olds word should not be taken with a pinch of salt, I'd call the police or social services, don't delay, tell her father and do it straight away, she may end up brutalising your girl.. Go for it, and d**n the consequences.

In the meanwhile do not allow your daughter to visit until it's resolved, the girlfriend has probably assaulted your girl, and could be in deep trouble.

Answer 21

if your ex won't do anything about it, i would definitley confront his g/f (be tempting to smack her!!!!) i would not be too happy with anybody smacking my child, and i disagree i would not take what your daughter has said with a pinch of salt... it depends on the way she told you.. but you know your daughter and if she is telling the truth ...and why else would she come up with a disgusting word???? it sounds true to me..  i would personally smack the g/f all around town .. and then start on my daughters daddy for not being a daddy and protecting her.. if the g/f is none too willing to stop seeing your daughter (and i would put this directly to her) i would not allow access to the father .. he can go to court and fight for it ,,, worthless piece of s**+te!!! good luck! x