My daughter turns 4 this month, has been in pre-k 6 weeks and now is suffering badly from anxiety help!?

Question

Initially she loved school and couldn't wait to go - even being sad when holidays meant no school. Today I dropped her off, gave her a quick hug and goodbye and then watched as she was peeled off of me. I sat outside and the crying/screaming/begging to be sent home continued until I couldn't take anymore and left. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

How long does she cry? How is she when you pick her up? hopefully she seems happy and tells you about her day. When you ask why she doesn't want to go what does she say? Are you seeing any other signs like not sleeping well, not eating well? does she ever talk about preschool at home out of the blue? is it positive or negative?

If your seeing any other warning signs maybe you could drop her off but just sit outside her preschool room where she doesn't see you but you can sneak and peek in on her. I would do that for a while, maybe a couple of hours, even. If the teachers do not want you doing that then that's also a warning sign.

If the only thing you are seeing is it being hard to say goodbye in the morning then I really think she will be perfectly fine and it's very normal.  It will probably get better in the next 4-6 wks. (I know that's a long time, though) Its still a good idea to stay outside the room for a bit so you can hear for yourself what is going on.  Then pop in when no one expects you. peek inside and see how she is doing.

good luck, honey. I know how hard it is! =0)

Answer 2

My question is, has anything major changed recently. A new baby? A new teacher? Have you moved? Are both parents working now?  Are you working more?  Divorce?  Any changes in the family/school structure can cause children stress and often set them back and make them more "needy."  What seems like "nothing" in an adults eye, just might be very big to your soon to be 4 year old.  Look at the whole picture.  I will bet your child just needs a little reassurance, and explanation about the changes if that applies or more one on one time with you.  Usually these things come in phases as children adjust.

Answer 3

Do you stay home while she is at school? Or if you do, do you at least dress up like you are going to work? Kids are smart, they know when mom is home and when she's at work. They pay attention to details like, is mom wearing work clothes or home clothes? I've seen children get upset and kick and scream some days and others walk in and say, "bye mom." There many reasons she could have been upset. It could be the one mentioned, or maybe her teacher isn't in the room at the time (on a break for a few mins., or the day off) so there is a sub teacher. Has she talked about any of the kids in her class before, maybe she is afraid of one of them. Also, she could just be putting on a show to see if it works. I know, it sounds too elabrate or, unlike her to do that. But may times, if she knows you are out there, or thinks her teacher will call you if she continues, children "put on a show" to make parents feel bad. If she seems aprehensive about being left at school, make time to go in her class with her and start an activity she really likes. Ask her what her favorite one is. Sit down with her and play for a few minutes and then tell her something like, "I have to go now, but I'll be back after nap time when you have snack. I love you! Build me something and tell me about it later. Have a good day." Quick hug and goodbye, in other words the quick release method where you hand her off to her teacher and leave, can leave her feeling like you don't have time to spend with her. It can leave some kids feeling angry, maybe feeling like you don't care about what I do here all day while you do whatever. So if you can make time to get her adjusted, that might help. Try not to arrive at circle time, becasue then usually all the activities are closed until circle time is over. I guess you could sit at circle with her for a few minutes too. Try a few things see if they work, but don't forget to tell her you live her and when you will be back. Then she has something to look forward to later when she wakes up (or when ever you tell her you'll be back).

Answer 4

My first question is "How long does the crying continue after you leave and is she unhappy about school all the time when she is at home and always focusing on it?"  In most cases, the crying stops within a few minutes of the parent's departure, and if so, what is happening is a fairly common occurrence, and try not to worry too much about it.  It means that she has a healthy attachment to her loved ones, but you need to let her know that she will be fine at school, and then leave.  

The best thing I can recommend is for you to do some reading about it, to relieve your mind, and to help you get through it, because you are probably feeling much worse than she is overall.    Can you arrange for someone else to drop her off at school, as separating from you may be much easier at home, and may eliminate the scene for her at school?

Here are a few sites that you may find helpful.   Best of luck with it.

Answer 5

She's trying to tell you she needs to be home with her mommy.

Answer 6

i worked at a daycare for a couple of years and it sounds pretty normal to me. Some children adapt to daycare easier than others. She will be fine.

Answer 7

It's hard being a parent!

This is actually quite common.  In my experience, it takes an average of 6 weeks for a child to settle in, some may take longer.  Talk to her teacher, or keyworker if she hasone.  Ask how she is getting on, if she is making friends and interacting with the other children, if she is joining in activities or watching from the sideline.  Some children cry initially, but then quite happily go off an enjoy their time at pre-school, as if just to make their mums feel guilty!  How is she when you pick her up?

Anyway, talk to the staff, this should give a closer insight into how she's really settling.  When you're talking about pre-school at home, always refer to it in a positive context, so that she doesn't pick up on your anxieties.

I hope things improve soon, good luck.

Answer 8

Also, remember that children can easily get into the habit of doing something, even if they are not actually feeling the feeling. So if she had one bad morning and cried she might just be in the habit. I remember being in kindergarten and watching another little boy having a crying fit and deciding I would try it the next day. And I loved kindergarten! Particularly if she knows she is making you feel bad - kids are all about power at this point.

Answer 9

well, one of my relatives has the same situation.

but still they don't know WHY?

maybe something wrong happened at school she didn't like or she was afraid from last day before this change.

Better ask an expert