My daughter was adopted in an open adoption, but now the adoptive parents wont let me see her..what do i do?

Question

My g.f got pregnant at a very young age...we had to put our daughter up for adoption. For the past 5 years we have seen her on a regular basis as we have an open adoption contract that states we are aloud regular visits. but now the adoptive parents will not let us see our daughter...they wont even return our calls...im lost and need help!!

Answer 1

well is a tough situation!....really you just have to keep trying..and well if court is necessary then let it be!

Answer 2

wait until she becomes an adult

Answer 3

Sadly - many of these 'open' adoption contracts are not law enforceable - but you would have to check with the adoption agency or lawyer used.

Please try and fight this all you can. Your daughter does need you in her life.

The most 'together' adult adoptees that I know have adoptive parents that are stable enough to understand that they are extra parts of the child's family - NOT the ONLY family the child has. Making adoptees be loyal to one or the other is placing the child squarely in the middle - and very unfair situation for the child.

Adults can love more than one child.

Adoptees can love more than one set of parents.

An adoptee has at least 2 families - that is our reality.

To not allow the adoptee to know their bio fam - is to cause the adoptee psych harm. It is far better for the adoptees self worth and self image to know and see the family they are genetically related to.

I can't offer much more help - but just want you to know - by fighting this - you're doing the right thing for your daughter.

I wish you all the very best.

Answer 4

Maybe you need to send them some literature about how harmful this will be for you and their child when she becomes and adult. She'l know that all this time she could have know you but, because of them, she will have to live with what they did.

Keep a journal so when you do get to see her she'll know you've been wanting to see her..

Good for you. More fathers need to be involved.

Answer 5

I guess my first thoughts would be maybe it is too much for this little girl.  When she was little she probably did not get it but as she grows she is starting to put things in order and is probably beginning to become very confused.  Maybe her "parents" are simply trying to protect her.  In some ways you should be glad that they really care about what is best for the little girl that you gave them.  Adoption is hard and this might just be one of the repercussions of the choice you made.  I would continue to send correspondence and continue to attempt to make contact that way she (the girl) will never be able to say you didn't try.  You could get the law involved but sometimes that just hurts everyone involved things that end up in court are ugly.  As sad as it is you need to remember that you gave your child up because you knew it was best maybe it is time for you to let her be with her parents and to step back it will be hard but some of the best things in life are the hardest.  I wish you the best!

Answer 6

an open adoption doesn't mean regular visitation.  she has parents now.  with you coming in and out of her life isn't good for her.  wait until she's 18 and if she wants to contact you she will.

Answer 7

Did you do something to offend her parents?  Even with a contract very few states legally enforce open adoptions. The adoptive parents can cease them if they feel that is what is best for their child.  It just seems odd that they would be faithfully to their open adoption for 5 years, and then decided to stop it. Seems like you may have done something perhaps unintentionally to offend them.  Did you try and over mind her parents, perhaps you didn’t approve of some of their parenting ways and made this known to them.  Try sending them a letter and even try and contact them by phone again, maybe even have the agency get word to them.  Perhaps you all can consider revising your open adoption, perhaps they feel you all are in their life far to much and they just want to cut back.  After all they didn’t adopt their daughters birthparents, they adopted their daughter.  It important in any open adoption that everyone knows their rightfully place and don’t overstep any boundaries.

Answer 8

You are the one who made the decision and stick with it. Own up to it. I am adopted and met my mom when I turned 30. We are now the best of friends. She will know that you are around and when she is ready she will see you and KNOW in her heart that you do love her. You have to do this. Things are done with the best of intentions, but things do go wrong when those intentions are for yourself.

Answer 9

I suspect this is why many open adoption close. OF COURSE your daughter misses you and wants to be with you.... it gets to be too hard on adopters.

Please fight for your rights, and then please speak out, get the word out about your experiences. Maybe it will keep a future family together, so that another little girl doesn't have to grieve her parents that go away.

Answer 10

Get a lawyer you have a contract and they are required to follow it. Good Luck

Answer 11

That is sad for them to act that way. get a lawyer if needed. they can't get away with doing that.

Answer 12

You need to speak to a lawyer. They can counsel you on what to do next...these people are breaking the law. Most lawyers will do a consultation for free, and they'll tell you what's required to move to the next step. I'm sorry to hear this, and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 13

talk to a lawyer...but as a parent, my first thought would be as to how this all affects the child.  what is best for her?

Answer 14

Open adoptions are usually not legally enforcable.  The couple that adopted her now have a right to cut off all contact without just reason.  It doesn't make it right.  They basically felt threatened by the relationship she has with you and her mother.  They are cutting contact because of how THEY feel.  It sucks.  It blows.  And all they are doing is harming your daughter, not helping her.  You can try to contact a lawyer and see what happens, but the law almost always sides with the adoptive parents.

Answer 15

Unfortunately, it is true that in most states open adoption contracts are not enforceable.  For those of us who are involved in the world of adoption, we are very aware that this is the case, even though it would completely seem to most people that such contracts would be enforceable.  

You should still consult with an attorney, though.  Since the adoptive parents are not responding to you attempts to contact them, it is difficult to even let them know how it could affect the child negatively in the long run.  Sadly, for all we know, they don't even read correspondence from you anymore.  I'm not saying this is the case.  But, now and again people do some unexpected things.  

This may have absolutely nothing to do with you.  Although plenty of adoptive parents honor these contracts for the duration, sometimes there is the occasional adoptive parent who becomes nervous when the child gets a little older and more autonomous in his or her relationships.  This could possibly be the reason for the decision to close the adoption.  It's just that it seems to me that if it were simply a problem based on something they didn't like that you said or did, that they would discuss this with you instead of completely cut off the lines of communication.  After all, there has been a 5 year good history.

Like I said, although open adoption agreements are not legally enforceable in most states, seek the counsel of an attorney anyway.  It is your best chance of finding out what, if anything, can be done.

Best of luck to you.  I am so, so sorry to hear about your situation.

Answer 16

Please fight this. Contact a lawyer, preferably one that specializes in adoption or custody, and work out the best outcome.

Open adoptions are open adoptions for a reason. They are to keep the birth parents involved with the child's life. You're her father, and the more you can be involved with her life the better it will be for her, as long as you can offer her a positive and inspirational relationship.

I do not know the circumstances of your situation fully, but if you have significantly been a damaging influence on this child's life, then seek help for yourself; she needs you.

Answer 17

greg...

this is one thing about adoption that makes me want to cry...  

first, i'm so sorry that this is happening to you and your gf.  regardless of your reasons for placing your baby, they have NO RIGHT to not let you see the baby if you have an open adoption.

unfortunately, open adoption agreement are NOT legally enforceable in most states.  and all the papers you've signed mean squat; and were most likely a means to get you and your gf to give up your baby.

many people think that you must have done something... but most likely, it has nothing to do with that. this is more common than you think. many bparents report that open adoptions have been closed. and some aparents close adoptions due to their own paranoia and not anything that the bparents have done.  

if you have done nothing wrong, then i would try to fight this with everything in your heart... how dare you and your girlfriend give someone a child, and they just discard you!

this makes me sick to my stomach...:-(

i'm so sorry, dear.

ETA: they are upset because the baby cries for you and your gf when you leave, heh???  read my original post again..paying close attention to the "some aparents close adoptions due to their own paranoia " part...

lord give me strength!  ps. for what i've heard about the canadian system, it's not much better.... but i'm sure andraya can give you more info about how things work in canada...

Answer 18

get a lawyer!!

Answer 19

Best bet is a lawyer...but in all fairness you need to think about the daughter, and her adoptive parents.  If you are visiting so much...then why can't you look after her.  Leave her alone, as its not fair to the adoptive parents that hve to pick up the fallout when you leave.

Answer 20

Unfortunately your contract was with an adoption agency, not a lawyer or court. Furthermore, those "contracts" of post adoption arrangements are not legally enforceable. It is up to the adoptive family who now calls the shots regarding their child as to whether or not they feel continued contact is in their best interest and the best situation for the child. You don't know what is going on after visits that may cause upset in their home causing them to stop contact.

In most open adoption cases I've known about this type of thing happening is common and there really isn't anything you or an agency can do to make them do otherwise. Chances are the courts won't do anything because you don't hold any parental rights anymore and aren't going to vie in your favor- piece of paper or not.

Answer 21

You've got the law on your side. Open a can of legal whoop *** on 'em!

Answer 22

Sadly, open adoptions just aren't legally enforceable.  You could try going through the agency or a lawyer, but in the end, the adopters hold all the power.

I am sorry you lost your daughter, and that her adopters care so little about her that they would cut you out of her life for their own fears and insecurities.  Selfish and sad.

Answer 23

Look I would fight this for your child because she is going to think you abandon her. Look in to getting a lawyer if you have a contract them the side of the law should be on yours, Just like the case in Tenn where a couple told the natural parents they would temp care for their daughter an after they got her would not give her back. The natural parents got to see their daughter for awhile and the the adopted couple stop letting them. Long story short the natural parents have their daughter back. Good Luck and get a lawyer fast. Also write them and explain how this is going to affect their and your daughter

Answer 24

You need to get the adoption agency involved.

Answer 25

Did you consult the adoption agency? What kind of stipulations did you put when consenting on giving your baby for adoption?

Answer 26

This is more common than people realize.

I believe those 'open' adoption contacts are only enforceable in a couple states.

You might want to contact a couple sites here, maybe they could put you in contact with an attorney.

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.com

http://www.origins-usa.org

I'm sorry.

Good luck.

Answer 27

Get a lawyer and make sure you have all your paperwork in order. Good luck!