My daughter who is almost 3 (in August) wakes up in the night demanding milk!?

Question

Several times during the night my 2 1/2 (almost 3 year old daughter) *wakes up during the night screaming for milk. The term waking up I mean she is half asleep but aware of what is going, hoping that makes sense. If I tell her no she will burst into hysterics and not go back to sleep and if I bring her water she throws the water cup. When I attempt to speak with her mother about this (I am divorced) of course there is no problems of this behavior of this at her house. (Which according to my therapist is impossible.) I have tried researching this in books like Toddler 411 but I am not finding any solutions. I was just wondering if any other parents have had a situation like this? If so what was your resolution?

Thanks

Mathew

Answer 1

You have to take charge.  Explain to your daughter before she goes to bed that the rule is that once the kitchen is cleaned up after dinner, there is no more going into the kitchen until morningtime.  Before she is in bed - ie before she brushes her teeth - ask her if there is any last thing she needs.  Then put her to sleep with the reminder that breakfast is the next meal.  She is certainly not dying of thirst or hunger.  The only thing you can do in the middle of the night is ignore her.

Answer 2

WOW! I'm really shocked at the lack of compassion some of the answerers are having for your child. Doesn't anyone ever wake up thirsty? She just wants a drink. Water the milk down and give it to her. This too shall pass.

My son will be 3 in October. My Hus and I are still together, but he works nights and it is AMAZING how different my son acts on the nights when he is home.

I think your daughter wants your attention. She's going through a divorce. Think about how hard this is for you and imagine how hard it is for her.

Some nights, my son wants milk. Some nights, my son wants G2. Some nights, he doesn't ask for anything. I water it down and give it to him when he asks. Thirst is a very basic thing.

What did the therapist say you should do? Is this YOUR therapist or your daughter's?

Answer 3

Same with my little sister!!! she just turned 3. So we just give her a bottle before she goes to bed. But that is NOT the right thing to do. when she sleeps with me I don't give her no bottle. I let her cry all she wants. she will eventually stop. keep letting her cry until she gets that "no" is "no". :)

Hope I helped

sorry you have to go through this.

Not so pleasant

Answer 4

First of all, my 3 year old boy still wakes up and wants his juice(I dilute it 50:50) and he brushes his teeth and goes to the dentist and his dentist said his teeth were perfect and no cavitites.  So even though most will say it's bad for their teeth..just make sure you brush their teeth well 2-3 x/day.  I really don't think it's that big of a deal, but I would not let my kid get his own out of the fridge in the middle of the night.  Do you think that maybe your ex-wife gives her milk and doesn't think it's a problem?  If she is doing it, it will be impossible for you to rid of this (if it is bothering you that much).  Personally, I would rather my kid sleep all night in his bed than have him wake up for a drink and be in my bed.  But it will be a lot harder to teach them to go potty at night if they still have sippys at bedtime.

Answer 5

Actually your therapist is wrong - she is acting differently at your house because she misses you. This is very typical of a child separated from a parent. She regresses just for you. She needs to know you are still there for her because in her little mind she caused your divorce. this is not a guilt trip it is an effort to understand you still love her and will care for her. Just give her a little milk at night and cuddle- what she really wants is assurance she is safe and loved. Try reading to her at night when she spends time with you and sit on her bed so she can cuddle. Small children especially need the reassurance that they are loved and not to be blamed so just make all her time with you extra special by being close and reassuring her she is special to you and very much loved. Good Luck!

Answer 6

first no milk  it can rot her teeth  while she sleeps it why you give children water  at bed time   even if she crys  give her water but i speak to your doctor and see if he has any  child groups that you could go for  that maybe helpful as a single parent , but she could be she want her mom and it away to get control over   you not being with her mom any more

Answer 7

The milk maybe a security blanket for her. I have the same prob with my 3yr old boy. He wants milk(cow as he says) allll the time.

Answer 8

At her age, she should be able to open the refridgerator door on her own.  If she's going to persist in wanting milk in the middle of the night, then teach her how to get up and get it herself and then go back to bed.

Before you go to bed, put some milk in a sippy cup and place it in the refridgerator on a shelf that she can reach.  Show her where the milk will be.

When she wakes up, remind her that her milk is in the fridge.  She may need to have you walk her through the steps a couple of times.  Gradually, you teach her that she is old enough to do this herself.

The ability to get her own milk may even cause her to stop needing it in the middle of the night.

Or, you could try putting a sippy cup of milk next to her bed with some ICE in it.  It's been my experience that milk with ice will easily keep for several hours.  You would still have to go through the process of reminding her that she has milk and there's no need to scream in the middle of the night.

I'm guessing that she is only doing this in order to have your attention in the middle of the night.  A seperation anxiety type of thing.

Answer 9

My daughter is the same age and she always wants something to drink when she goes to bed. I tell her she can have water or nothing. She usually chooses water. Even though she doesn't drink much of it she still has it to hold. If you daughter still screams for milk, tell her she has to wait til breakfast in the morning and that's it. No milk, period. It's bad for her teeth while she's in bed b/c it lays on her teeth. She may just be trying to get her way with you b/c it may not work with mom. Good luck!

Answer 10

try giving her milk in a bottle.  my 2 1/2 year old cousin still asks for milk, too.  most of the time, he's fine if you give him regular cows milk, or even goats milk.  if you can ask her why she wants milk, or explain to her that you don't have milk, try it.  she might understand and take regular milk.

Answer 11

just give her a little bit of milk?! whats the problem? Give her a little bit and im sure she will take a couple little drinks and fall back asleep. shes just thirsty and has a prefrence of milk. maybe the mother doesnt have a problem with this because she give it to her? thats a pretty easy solution to me..

Answer 12

Maybe she is just hungry? Give her a glass of milk before she goes to bed after brushing her teeth. Explain to her that she can have only water during the night as that is the only thing that wont harm her teeth. It might be worth it move her suppertime closer to bed time or give her a high protein snack before bed.

Answer 13

The resolution for this problem is simple:  Set a cup of water on her nightstand, and tell her before she goes to bed that that is all she is getting.  Then tell her, if she gets up in the middle of the night, to drink her water and don't wake you up...or, you are just going to let her cry.  Harsh maybe...but, the only reason she keeps doing it, is because you let her keep getting away with it.

The next thing you can do is bit of a mind trick:  After she wakes you up, get her the milk....But, after she's done drinking it, make her brush her teeth.  She's a child, and teeth brushing is a chore...in the middle of the night...every night, it will get old for her quick.  So then, when she wakes up and see the water next to her bed...it will look more appealing then having to brush her teeth again.

Good luck.

Answer 14

You could try giving her more milk during the day - especially at night before bed.  Then when you tuck her in at night, make a big to-do about putting a full cup of milk on her night table for her to drink if she wakes up in the night.  It might take a few nights of gentle reminders that the cup is there before she reaches for it on her own without crying out for you.

Answer 15

I don't see any problem with it! That stage of the child's life is called "Oral Stage". It means that the child's pleasure is in his/her mouth. Notice that everything the child can hold and carry by his/her hands puts it in his/her mouth. Maybe your child's pleasure is milk so she keeps on asking for it at that hour. You must have to satisfy this kind of thing in her for if not. This will have an impact and affect the later stage of her life. Every parents should have to know about the psychological and sociological facts about children so that they will be guided on how to take good care for their kids.

Answer 16

I haven't personally been in this situation, but I would say to offer her a glass of milk before she goes to bed, and let her know that that is her milk for the night. Unfortunately, you will probably just have to ignore her if she wakes up for milk, tell her it is night time and that at night, people are sleeping and not eating and that she can have milk when she wakes up in the morning. If you keep waking up with her and trying to please her demands, she is just going to continue with the behaivior. I agree that it doesnt seem realistic that with her mom there is no problem. I would try to communicate with her mother again and explain the importance of the child getting enough quality sleep. Also, it's not a good idea to be giving milk in the middle of the night and not brushing the teeth. Milk has sugars in it and will cause tooth decay-- now that I can tell you from experience with my daughter, who used to drink milk from a bottle to go to sleep and she would fall asleep while drinking it. Although I would take the bottle from her, I didn't want to wake her up to clean her teeth, so that caused problems. Well, good luck.

Answer 17

Talk to her during the day when she is awake and explain to her how things are at your house and that there will be no milk in the middle of the night.  She is old enough to grasp this.  Things can work different at your house than they do at her mom's house.  Just explain it to her when she is awake and tell her how it is going to be. You are the person in charge here, not her.

Answer 18

If you are living in a situation where you and the mother are separate you should find out if she is giving your daughter the milk at night when she asks for it. If she is, then that's why she's being so hard for you when you won't give in.

Even if you are both together and your daughter is asking for the milk you need to not give her the milk. Some times babies need to cry. lay her back down, rub her stomach or her back, tell her it's ok and that it's time for sleep. Stay with her until she goes to sleep if she doesn't and she is persistent then you should try speaking with someone who has a few kids and they may be able to help you out more. But I do know that if you keep giving in, she will keep doing it.

Answer 19

I sympathize with you and your daughter. Being divorced must be hard on you, so I'm sure you can imagine how your daughter might be feeling. Sometimes children create certain behaviors because they see it sparks greater attention. Even if the mother is giving her milk (which isn't good because the residue will rotten her teeth) - you should do something different.



First, you want to make sure she is full, before she goes to bed. Give her a nice balanced, meal that includes milk, and let her know that's it for the night. Also, tell her what a big girl she's becoming by sleeping through the night without milk like daddy.

When she wakes up, talk to her calmly, holding her in your arms, and sound understanding of her wanting milk, but slowly explain why it's not good, and fall back to sleep together. Or lay next to her in her bed, patting her back, and whisper a nice lullaby. She may scream for a minute, but she will soon start appreciating your closeness more.

When she wakes up, mention how proud you are of her that she slept through the night. Children love kudos - the more the better.

Hope this help, and good luck.

Answer 20

My mother used to have to give me milk and crackers in the middle of the night every night because of a medical condition where I would wake up starving--My blood sugar had lowered. Your daughter's body might be needing something with more content in it than water, and the fit is her way of getting your attention.

Answer 21

My guess would be that if she only does this at your house, it is because she wants your attention.  I know she is clearly visiting with you, but when she is there - do you plant her in front of the tv while you do your own thing, or are you really engaged in activities with her and giving her attention?  If you aren't really spending quality time with her, then that might help.  If you are, then I wonder if you are giving her enough food.  If she is demanding milk, and it isn't for attention, then maybe she is hungry.  If her mom feeds her a snack before bed, but you don't, then that might be the solution.  Good luck!

Answer 22

I think you are doing the right thing. Keep offering the water or not offer anything. It's hard to believe that your ex is not having the same problems. But try and remember, YOU are the boss at your house and keep doing what you are doing.

Answer 23

there is absolutely no need for her to need milk in the middle of the night.  this is actually bad for her teeth, and for her sleep patterns.  If the mother says she does this at home and she goes along with it, there is nothing you can do about it.  When the child is at your home, you set the rules.  Don't bend!  It is not a matter of letting her do something or not, it is a matter of health!  I definitely recommend 1-2-3 magic for learning how to deal with the temper tantrums.  You can get it at you library in the DVD section.  Also Richard Ferber has a book out on Sleep problems.  You will find this helpful too in sticking to your guns.  Good luck!

Answer 24

This is a really bad habit as I am sure you know.  My 2 year old did the same thing.

The only solution is to not give in and give her milk in the middle of the night.  Begin the nighttime routine that she has a cup of milk before bed, THEN has to brush her teeth and can only have water afterward.  If you stick to this routine and do not give in, she will eventually quit tantrumming and understand that this is "just the way it is at Daddy's house".

It would be a lot better if you and her mother were on the same page though.  But trust me, it can be done to have different rules in your home.

Answer 25

Go to her, take her potty, wash her hands, and put her back to bed.  Don't talk too much to her as your goal is for her to go back to sleep.  Don't even mention milk or water.  She's not thirsty, we know it is possible to go all night without food or drink.  So, you're supposed to "redirect" her.  It takes 3-4 days to break a "habit".  She'll eventually forget about the milk and go to sleep.