My daughters, birth father and his family have ignored her for the last 10 years....?

Question

And now I am being contacted via e-mail (don't know how she got my address) by an Aunte who says she and her mother (would be my daughters grandmother) want to.......well I don't exactly know what they want? I started off last summer with an e-mail from the aunt asking for a photograph for her mother who was going blind. I felt bad for the woman so I scanned a few photos, and e-mailed them off, just the photos, no written response. Since then I received several e-mail updating me on the mothers health. I always read the e-mail but never felt any need to respond and didn't know what kind of response was expected.

Then I got this e-mail, and I didn't know what to think of it, so I did not respond.

"I realize that you think this has nothing to do with you but you are wrong. You are connected through *(my daughter)* and I would never do anything to harm you or her. My mother has shed many tears wondering about her and you made her life a little easier when you sent the picture. Nobody in my family knows that I am emailing you and I will never tell them. I have never lied to my family before so you do not know how hard this is. I promised you I would not tell them anything and I will keep that promise. My mother was so happy to see a picture of her that she did tell my sister but that will never happen again. Please just email me and keep in touch. You set the rules and I will follow them to the letter. I beg you to just give me a chance. Nobody has to know who I am or how I am related to her. I am not a bad person and let me have the chance to prove it to you."

Keep in mind that I have never in my life met or spoken to this woman, so I don't know how she knows what I think.

Now I just got this email

"mother has decided to go to #### in November since she said this may very well be her last trip. I will be with her and I know that you do not want anything to do with us but do you really think that we would do anything to upset her life. We do not want to interfer with her life but someday the truth will come out and she will know that we love her. Please let my mother be part of her life for the short time that she has."

I really don't know what to think of these people, Are they selfish for only coming in to my daughters life when she is old and sick, it is obviously for her own benefit. Should I let them have a part? I don't even know these people, anchoosing they chooseing to contact me now, 10 years later. Her father met her only once when she was 1 week old and has not bothered with her since.

Very confused, Any advice??

Answer 1

Something like this happened in my family.  I would not have anything to do with these people. It sounds like trouble. In my situation it was and over a year later is still coming back to haunt the family. But this may be the only chance to meet her too.

Answer 2

I would be weary too.  The part of her being so secretive kind of freaked me out.  Has grandma always known where you lived? Or Aunt?  Does your daughter or yourself have a "My space"  or they could have found you just searching on the net.  Personally i would have to tell them no.Has your daughter ever asked any questions about her dad?  Sorry for all of the ?'s but my sister had her X's dad call wanting to see my niece after 10 plus years, she refused.  He cried.  It was kind of sad.  If you decide to meet up, do it in a public place, does your daughter want to do this?  I'm sure it would be awkward for her.  Plus if you could try to run a check on the aunt since she is a stranger.  Just be smart about it.  

Answer 3

How do you know that this is in fact related to your daughter? Have you ever met his mother?

Did his mother or any other family members ever say theydidn't want to be bothered?

If not, then you cant be sure what yourchild's father has told his family about you or your child. He may of said bad things, i.e you didnt want him or his family to be in your childs life, in attempt to cover up that he doesnt want to be responsible and be in the child's life.

Send the lady an email and express how you feel,and why is she just contacting you now. (maybe she just got your info,who knows) Just communicate with the woman. This is not about you its about your daughter. Once someone dies you cant go back and wish about what you could have done. This is your daughters family and history.

You  need to verify who these ppl are, get pics, addresses, and phone #'s.

Answer 4

i would keep my guard up !! but i would write them back and let them know it wasn't you that kept her away from the family and it was the biological father that made that decision .. and it could be selfish or it could be that they just found u .. it could be alot of reasons why they are contacting u .. what ever ur decision is GOOD LUCK  

Answer 5

we must be related somehow! My daughter's father has had nothing to do with her in the last 10 yrs either. She's almost 13. her dad's side of the family couldnt care less, and i'm not sure how i'd react if they suddenly emailed me. I probably would have sent the pics just as you did but i would question their "love" for her. like you said why now? why not 10 yrs ago when you needed the help and they could have avoided this problem now. i would talk to your daughter and see how she feels about meeting them, let her know the details and that only now it occurs to them to give a d**n. go with whatever she decides but on your terms. good luck, and if you will, please email me and let me know how it goes (just in case it ever happens to me!)

Answer 6

Ok...I grew up in a situation similar to this. But it was my moms parents who were always crule, not abusive, just crule to her growing up. She always tried to please them untill I was about 12 years old and she snapped and hasnt talked to them since. my parents divorced when I was 12 as well and i lived with my dad in the same county as my grandparents. they could have come and seen me any day for years but they never did. i when i was 13 my dad gave me the desision to be in the lives of the people who screwed up my moms life, screwed over me and my dad aswell to an extent. the way i saw it was that they were getting old and life has too many complications and i gave them a chance. i dont see them too offten but every month or so but what im trying to say is you should ask your daughter. but she needs to be able to understand how selfish they are. my grandparents are selfish people and when i say that i mean to the extream but in some wacked out way they do love me and would do aything for me, people in the family always say that beacaue sad as it is they dont love each other but when your at the end of your life sometimes you genuily want to make things better. and im their way of doing that, and although their not my favorit people in the world i respect them for that in some odd crazy way. maybe the grandmother just wants to make amends but then again she might just be doing it to make herself look like a good person. you should sit down with your daughter and talk to her about it, if she says that she wants to try it atleast, than why not try a lunch at a restrant or public place with the aunt, grandmother, your daughter and you. just quick lunch that way if you guys decide you dont want to do it again, it was quick in a public place so they just cant up and yell at you and you tried. but you should talk to your daughter about it and dont let her go alone considering you dont know these people real well.

things always work out in the end, i know this for a fact :)

good luck*  its a hard desision but you can only make the best of it :)