My daughters Fish has died and I am not sure how to handle?

Question

My daughter is 6 and is very attached to Mr. Fishy (a beta fish she saved her allowance for). He passed away this evening and I went to her to let her help decide what we should do, a buriel at sea (we are near the coast) or bury him. She proceeded to make a wish that Mr. Fishy does not have to die. I am now torn between running to the pet store in the morning or following thru with the life lesson. We are military and we will have to leave the fish when we leave and I worry if we do bury him it will be upsetting when we go to move; however , leaving a living fish with a friend may be as upsetting. Needless to say I am torn. I welcome all suggestions on how to handle what to do about the "best fishy in the whole world".

Answer 1

Harsh as it may seem I think it is better to always tell your children the truth, that everything and everyone dies and that it is OK to feel sad and to understand that even though she is young, she will grieve for her pet.

If you always tell your child the truth they wil feel more secure and trusting of you.

Fishy is dead so whether it is buried or put to see will not matter to fishy one jot, if she feels it is still a bit alive then that is more of a problem. I personally think you should bury him, and then when you do move at least you will move on and leave that sad memory behind somewhat.

Answer 2

I'm a wuss about teaching my kids that lesson.   Personally I'd make the Walmart run while she's asleep.

O she already knows it died, then I would suggest putting it in a baggy of water and then bury it, then she doesn't have to worry. Make a little memorial for it, and let her take the memorial when you move to remind her of her friend.

Answer 3

tell her the truth and let her decide If you dont  tell her the truth now you will be "running to the fish store"   the rest of her life

Answer 4

don't go out and get a replacement and try to make her think it's the same fish, it's best to just let her learn to accept that death is a part of life. everybody has to learn to accept it. it's not pleasant, but it is part of life

Answer 5

I would have a toilet memorial. I would explain that the toilet can take him back to a safe place at sea.  If she had not already known of the death, I would suggest replacing the Mr. Fishy.  I did this with my daughters fish for years, it just kept growing, and she thought she was doing something right.  Good Luck!

Answer 6

Why not try the truth and explain to her that people have to make decisions  even for other people like family and let her make the choice and that wishes don't always come true. Is there a public park with a goldfish pond nearby? Maybe you could take him to visit his friends and "make a deposit" there where he'll be happier! You could try the Finding Nemo line that he wants to go to Sydney.

Good luck with it.

Answer 7

you seem like a very caring person, my mom just flushed mine like it was no big deal :(  I would tell her the truth. My daughter is 7, and although we don't have any pets now, she knows that they don't live forever.  I would just explain to her that Mr. Fishy went to fish heaven and is always with her no matter where she lives.  If she wants a new one, maybe stretch the truth a little, like it's his brother or sister, just to ease the pain a little. There is an episode of Harold and the purple crayon that deals with this exact situation.  That was when I had to explain death to my daughters. Good luck, and my heart goes out to all of you.  One thing, Walmart's fish are known to die quickly, the one I work at got rid of them due to so many "returns" of the dead ones.

Answer 8

I would let her learn about this life lesson, however hard it will be. Maybe hold a family funeral for the fish, and if she's scared to put him in the ocean because of sharks, maybe put him in a lake or river.

Poor little girl - give her a big hug. I dread the day my kids learn that lesson. Good luck.

Answer 9

Why dont you get an old ice cream tub, fill it with water and put the dead fish in it and say to her, now we can bury it he has enough water to last untill god takes him to heaven so he can see his family.

Worked when my fish 'goldie' died when i was younger lol

Answer 10

You have a burial at sea -- but in the washroom. There's an amazing old Cosby show episode about this!

Answer 11

you can't keep her from feeling bad,although it is your instinct to protect her. same happened to us, i spoke honestly that all things in nature have a certain about of time to be here and we have to learn to say goodbye when they are gone. but i also told my kids a person shouldn't hold back their feelings and that it is important to cry if that is what you feel and also important to share a fond memory after the tears.  it helped all of us that we didn't try to mask the natural response to loss . This has to be one of the hardest lessons we learn,saying goodbye; but how we handle the death of a beloved pet can held down the road when ther is a more substantial loss. we are giving the child tools to cope not repress sadness... as for burial i like the bucket idea someone else posted...best of luck

Answer 12

You may tell her that all the pets go to heaven when God decides that important moment of every one's lives and Mr.Fishy was recalled in heaven because God needed to and that Mr. Fishy's got a cousin who needs a new family and it's waiting for her approve in the Pet store. Tell her that love never dies. Mr. Fishy lives in a spirit way and he still loves her from heaven forever.

Answer 13

My nine year old had to deal with the death of a cat.  It does help her that her cat is buried at our house but having a picture of her pet helps to keep her memory alive and feel close to her.  Don't replace the fish at this time unless your daughter asks for it.  Explain to her that you will not be able to take fishy with you when you have to leave.  I spoke plainly to my daughter when it was clear that her cat was not going to make it and that it was okay to talk about her cat any time she wanted to.  Good luck

Answer 14

your daughter is old enough she should be learning the difference between life and death now.   Try and transition her easily into the idea of death.  The way i handled it while babysitting for a week and the fish died was once i had approval from her parents to explain life and death i told her that "Dorothy" lived a good life and that now her heart had stopped.  I explained how death was a part of life.  Remember to be very sensitive during this issue.  You will see tears and I'm sure they will crush you but it will help your daughter develop and be able to deal with the world.

It is very important that you do not just buy a replacement fish.  Your daughter may be set back in learning life and death if you do.  Be grateful that you have a fish to explain it on. She will learn to understand what you are saying and while she will be sad she will be able to have a say in what you do.

As for her fear of putting the fish in the ground and being eaten by sharks.  You could tell her that there is a fish heaven in the sea where all fish go to swim together and that no sharks can get in assuring her Mr. Fishy will be OK.

Good Luck on such a  Hard life lesson.

Answer 15

Bury Mr. Fishy in a small bowl of water.  That way he's in water, and she can chave closure. Make a nice marker and take a picture of it.  That way when you leave, she has the picture to look at when she needs to.  My daughter was 7 when her first fish died, and it was really hard for her to deal with because she had never faced death before.  Whether it's a fish or  loved one, children have to grieve in their own way.  Help her make a nice memorial scrapbook page or something to help her channel her emotions.

Answer 16

do not rush out to replace him. This is the beginning of her learning about death. A flush down the toilet is good. It has water and no sharks

Answer 17

Regardless of being military...It is a good time to let your daughter begin to comprehend things happen and even though it may hurt; its time to say good bye. I've had to face different times that a pet of my daughter's has died. Nemo might be a good idea to give your daughter for what could happen if putting the fish back out to sea was her choice. She will eventually learn that this is only a movie; but until then it does bring the life lesson and a familiar story to compare to.   At any rate... I hope this helps a little with your position. I do understand where you are.