My daughters extremely overweight best friend.....?

Question

My daughter has an extremely overweight best friend, she is 10 and weighs a little over 150 lbs. When she visits us she won't eat because we refuse to cook her nothing but chicken nuggets and french fries with ranch dressing, this is all she eats at home, her mother makes her a special meal aside from the regular meal or she won't eat. We offered to let her have one meal of chicken nuggets and fries when she is here every third time as a compromise.

Her mother has tried bringing bags of chicken nuggets and french fries to our home for her when she is here, but we declined. We also do not have a car, preferring to walk and or take the bus where we need to go. When she is with us she constantly complains that it is too hard for her and has told my daughter she will not come over anymore because of it. We even bought her a bike to have here so they can go riding around the neighborhood together.

My daughter is now ticked at us, I told her too bad, that we are not going to compromise our health so we can continue to allow her to kill herself. Am I wrong, should we let our kids eat unhealthy when she is here simply to keep things smooth with my daughter. I say no, but some family members think we are being unreasonable.

Answer 1

I'd say the mother of this daughter has some serious problems. While I don't think denying children of ALL fast food products is right (one McDonalds meal every once in a while won't hurt) I wouldn't show my daughter that this was acceptable. This girl has serious problems and so does her mother. You did the right thing, even if your daughter is upset.

Answer 2

i think your totally right! have you ever done anything that includes her in making the food?  i have a very picky eater and i spoke to a nutritionist and she told be to let my picky one help make the food and make it fun and she might be a little more inclined to eat something that she has created!

Answer 3

Well done you!!! I would suggest talking to the girl's parents, ask if they know what they are doing to their daughter's health. There are so many people say their child "won't eat" this or that. When I was a kid, if I didn't eat what was put in front of me then I went hungry! A child will not starve to death from missing one or two meals and will eat anything if they are hungry enough!

Add: I've just read someone's response about their friend's parents not asking if they liked this or that when they were a kid. I was the same, I ate what was given to me when I went to friends' houses for tea, as they did when they came to mine! I remember forcing food I hated down my throat so the parents didn't think I was rude! Funnily enough though, some of the things I ate at my friends' houses were things I would not usually eat, but ate for fear of being branded a bratty, picky kid, and I loved them!!!!

Answer 4

You are in the right and you should not bend the rules for your daughter when her friend is at your house. Hopefully after being apart from your daughter for awhile, the friend will want to come back and visit and will be only with the more healthy choices your family has.

Answer 5

I think that, as long as you are presenting the food & activities to her joyously, then you are doing this girl a great service.  In fact, I would guess that, even though she complains, she actually likes coming over to your house where life is a little different than it is at her own home.  That's part of the 'socializing' aspect of kids having friends & spending time with other families.  It gets them out of their comfort zone, out into the world, to see how other people live, so that they will know that they have choices in their own lives when they're grown.

Answer 6

if shes a so-called "well mannered girl" then she would eat what you serve.

my sister used to have a friend that everytime she would come over, we would all go out on the ranger and ride throughout our neighborhood.

well one time she came over, and my younger sister wanted to ridebikes instead of the ranger. her friend complained like crazy about how hard it is to ride a bike and her legs get too sore.

Answer 7

You are absolutely right in not compromising with her parents.  You should not be fixing two meals for your own kids, more or less someone else's.  I also think it's very rude that her parents would bring over food for you to cook her.  If the parents want her to continue eating unhealthy they can cook it for her.  Although your daughter is friends with her, it sounds like she might not be a very good influence, so I wouldn't do anything about her threatening to not come over.  I'm sure your daughter can find other friends that would behave better.

Answer 8

I think it is great that you are no allowing your rules to bend. It sounds like her mother is what I refer to as a LAZY parent. Good for you.

Answer 9

Keep doing what you are doing to help her. You are doing the best you can to help.

Answer 10

This is a sad epidemic in society nowadays.  I stop just short of crying every time I see these overweight kids.  There are more cases of diabetes in children now than ever.

Anyway, I would say you can really only control what you do in your house.  So . . . no, I wouldn't let my kids eat fatty stuff, just because their friend is staying over.  I refuse to cook various meals for my kids at mealtime, let alone someone elses.

Answer 11

you did the right thing.

Answer 12

I think that thats GREAT and the friends mother should be taking a leaf out of your book. it's quite obviously not entirely the child's fault, the mother- bringing over chicken nuggets for you to cook her?!?

I think buying her a bike is great- but not your responsibilty! Maybe talk to the school nurse to talk to the mother of the child, because I think what's important is that the girl gets healthy again without her friendship with your daughter declining. If you talk to the nurse, and ask her to talk with the mother, it will look like it's not you 'interfering' but the nurse taking a healthy interest in her life. Also, you could take the girls swimming etc. if you are worried, especially if it may have a negative influence on your daughters health, as then they can have fun excersise.

Hope that helps

Answer 13

You need to talk to the parents and say that they are not only spoiling their child, but they are shortening her life. If they keeps her life style the same, she could end up like this poor girl.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=I6j6GcP3-uQ&f...

Answer 14

I agree you should not be cowtowing to this girl -- she will benefit from seeing a family who eats healthily and likes it and at her age (at any age really but especially at hers or older) she should not feel entitled.

I honestly feel bad for her that her mother did not set down rules. I was raised that we had one family meal and that was that. As a result I am not a picky eater and have passed it on to my children. My kids LOVE fresh veggies with Ranch or Italian.

I have had kids over to my house who whined about what I fed them and while it drove me crazy they did not starve and eventually ate some of it. But this girl has been raised with serious food issues that are not yours to solve.

To go back to the start -- I do not think you should cowtow to this girl and compromise your values.

BUT -- I think this might rock her world a bit.

http://awalkinnature.blogspot.com/2006/0...

http://skinnychef.com/recipes/buttermilk...

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn...

http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/v...

Make one of these recipes for healthy chicken fingers from free range chicken or whatever you might use to feed your own family -- I do not know what your diet principles are exactly but I would guess one of these recipes would fit and none of them seems all that taxing to the average cook (but I love to cook and try new things and am addicted to epicurious so YMMV).

AND...fries

http://www.mediterrasian.com/recipe_make...

http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1950,151...

You can use the same principle with sweet potatoes or I have even heard of slicing up zucchini to do it.

Not sure if you want to go to the trouble but some night when she is coming over it might rock her world.

Answer 15

who cares i would not contribute to that eather  feer her healthy stuff or shell soon get diabedies

Answer 16

I'm with you, and I would even go a step farther. I wouldn't offer her anything that hasn't already been prepared for my own family.  I don't remember ever being asked by my friends parents if I liked this or that. I either ate what was prepared or I went without. I learned to like many other things that way.If it continues to be a real problem for your daughter to understand, encourage her to invite different friends and only allow this girl to visit when there will be no mealtime involved.

Answer 17

In my house when my daughters friends spend the night, they eat what were eating.  They don't get nothing else.  If your daughter is upset about it, like you did you explain to her why and keep it that way, don't change it.  Maybe the girl will see that there's more than just Chicken Nuggets and french fries that taste good.

Answer 18

WOW!!!!

No, you have done everything correctly

That little (or not so little) girl does those things because she's allowed to at home. It is 100% her parents fault for this. You should not have to compromise with a 10 year old!!! Its your home, she will eat what you make or she doesnt eat. Period.

I cannot even believe the mother was going to bring nuggets and fries over!!! S-P-O-I-L-E-D (and not in a good way) Your daughter isbetter  off w/o her! And maybe that girl will come to realize the things shes missing out on in life  (like her friends) because of how bratty she is! and all just for food!

please stand your ground!!!! You may be the only one taking a stand in this girls health and attitude.

Answer 19

No way! You are totally right! These people should be ashamed of themselves for being lazy, and taking the easy way out by letting their kid eat whatever she wants, even if it's teaching her poor eating habits that could lead to death! You are doing an awesome job of showing your daughter how a healthy, earth loving individual should live. Don't give in. Stand up for your convictions! It's your house, and when a kid comes over, they should respect house rules! You've done MORE than enough to try to help!

Answer 20

I think you're right. When someone is a guest in your house, they participate in your family activities and meals.

Where you need to be careful, though, is in making sure that you are not making an overt display of passing judgment on this poor girl and her family. No, it's not right to eat chicken nuggets and fries at every meal, but making her feel bad about herself isn't going to encourage her to make better choices. And if she really has trouble physically participating, try to schedule lighter activities for the days when she's with you -- make it fun for her, and maybe she'll catch on and want to do more.

Answer 21

No you do not have to change your rules because this child has been enabled to become unhealthy.  This is YOUR home and YOUR rules and for those famiy memebers who think you are being unreasonable tell them that next time this child is over for the evening in your home you will send her and YOUR daughter to THEIR home and they can feed the kids whatever.  Your daughter needs to learn that you don't have to comprimise your rules to suit everyone she brings into the home.  The best thing to tell your daughter is if she doesn't like your rules to not have this friend over that if she wants her friend to get away with eating c**p then your daughter needs to go to HER house instead...but don't expect your daughter to get a healthy meal there and don't expect to change the rules this other child's parents have set down in THEIR home.