My daughters fathers wedding?

Question

He's getting married soon August 23. He wants me to come, but that's not really the problem. His fiance hates me, and I dislike her. I guess you could say we're(me and my ex) really good friends, which is why she probably doesn't like me. I dislike her because she's to carefree, and I hate it when she's around MY daughter(she's 2 1/2). Yes I have confronted both of them about it in a respective manner. I really don't think she loves him (neither do a lot of people) Now I'm just getting carried away. Back to my problem. He wants me to stand next to him with our daughter(at the alter). I said yes only because of my daughter, but I don't want all this tension on their wedding. I tried to resolve this thing with his fiance like the adult I am, but I guess she hasn't passed that immature state yet. I think I should just sit it out, and let our daughter stand with him.

Answer 1

I would tell your ex that due to the feelings of his bride, you think your presence would create too much tension at the wedding and he should actually defer to her on this one. If it's mostly that he wants you to mind your daughter at the wedding, can't his mother or someone else in his family do that?

It seems very strange to me and I don't think he should go against his future wife's wishes and have you there. I would decline to go while being very cooperative in getting your daughter ready and whatever else should be done so your daughter is part of her daddy's wedding.

I don't think you should attend under any circumstances.

Answer 2

Speak to him and tell him how you feel.  Maybe you should ask him to speak to them together.  Express to her that you do not want to take away from her day-(it really is her day.  It's his too, but think about it if you were in her position).  See if the three of you can come up with a workable solution.  Maybe you could let your daughter stand with him, and you sit in the audience.  I know from one point she's acting like a child, but on the other hand, it's hard to feel romantic with your husband's ex standing beside him holding his child that he had with the her.  I think that it might be better if you're in the audience instead of standing there.  That way, you're there for him, and you're there for your daughter, but it's not right in her face, as well as in all of her wedding pictures.  Just my personal opinion.  I hope you're able to work everything out!  Good luck!!!

Answer 3

Stand with your daughter on her wedding day.

Answer 4

Maybe I'm just weird but if my husband & his ex got along that well I wouldn't care & would have been happy to have her standing with him when we got married.  If your husband asked you then he has obviously discussed this with his fiance, right?  I mean he is half of the equation & it's his day just as much as hers so if he wants you there at the alter then why not?  If little miss carefree doesn't like it then she needs to speak up.  If it becomes a hassle then of course just be a guest because nobody needs any added drama.  I just think it would be appropriate to accept for now & see how it plays out.

Answer 5

That is a little weird, but if it bothers you that much why not just tell him it makes you uncomfortable because of all the tension, say that he can hold your daughters hand at the alter & if there's any problems or your daughter starts to cry you will be there to help, but that you would prefer it if you weren't standing at the alter with them like the third wheel.

Good luck, I hope this helps, & I hope everything goes well !!

Answer 6

Yeah.... standing next to your husband one more time at the altar will be beyond bizarre. At least it would be for me. Also, I think his fiance would have all the right in the world to not want you up there. Is it possible to have another family member stand up there with your daughter? It sounds like this is something you don't really want to do, and you shouldn't have to.  

Answer 7

Oh no... what your ex has in mind just wont do! Putting aside the fact that his fiance is immature and whatnot, it is inappropriate for the man's ex to be standing at the alter! While I understand he has your daughters best interest at heart, this idea is misguided and inappropriate.

It would be one thing to have you as a guest at the wedding, but there is no reason you should be standing up there. His daughter should be up there, though, so I suggest you do sit it out and let your daughter up there.

Answer 8

I'm with you, standing with your daughter at her father's wedding when she's only 2 1/2 years old is just too, too much.  Especially given the drama between you and his fiancee.  I'm sure she'll be much happier on her wedding day if her groom's ex-wife isn't there--I think you can agree most brides would be, regardless of the relationship.  I think it's admirable of you (and your ex) to want to be there for your daughter, however, I think this is a day when someone else in his family can care for your daughter.  Does he have a sister, or brother who could do it.  

Also, a 2 1/2 year old isn't going to be much fun at a wedding.  Your ex may want her around for the ceremony and photos, and then have her high tail it out of there.  What I would do is you be on call, have one of his family members be in charge of her, and when it's time for her to call it quits, his family member can call you, you go get her, and he's fine.  

Good luck!

Answer 9

That is the craziest idea I've ever heard. Not only should you not stand up there but she shouldn't be in attendance at all. The child's aunt, cousin, grandmother or someone else can watch her at the wedding.  

Answer 10

Go to the wedding and make sure that your child sees you with your head held high and that will make the WIB learn to respect you

Answer 11

yeah I would sit it out. That is not your place and shame on him for disrespecting his fiance's wishes.