My daughters teacher thought she was ADHD but I dont, problems continue?

Question

My 9 year old 3rd grader has had problems in class all year. Untill this year she was an honer roll student. For the first half of the year that the teacher was unfair with her grading, then there was an incident where teach grabbed and shook her, teach admitted to me about grabbing and yelling but denied shaking, I had words with her, and since then my daughters grades have crashed from a, b, and c's to c,d, and f's and teach was trying to get me to take her to a doctor for ADHD, but my daughter is very calm and level headed. She just has a problem between her and teach. I had the school councelor talk to my daughter, after talking to the principal and him not doing anything, councelor agreed with me that she is not ADHD but is possibly rebelling against teach for various reasons, and councelor has been checking up on her, says she is doing great, but she is still bringing home bad grades, some graded wrong that were right, I just dont know what to do! She is trying so hard!

Answer 1

The situation really sucks, but like some said on here already, this school year is nearly over. You have done what you could to advocate for your daughter, and that should help her deal with the grades she's gotten, assuming she's as upset about them as you are.

It sucks that she's experiencing this at 9, but it presents a good teaching moment for you with her. You can be sympathetic, reiterate that a teacher's job is to be an advocate for the students, but that sometimes teachers aren't up to the task (for whatever reason), and that's when we see what we're made of based on how we deal with a bad situation. Help her learn that even with these less than ideal circumstances she can keep head high, learn to deal with the stress in positive ways, continue to try hard, and keep her eyes on the end of the year. We never let negative people change US into negative people. We have that power over ourselves and our response to things. Emphasize where you're proud of her effort and good attitude when she doesn't bring home the grades she hoped to bring home. Help wind her up that way. If it turns out that she does need some kind of help (smart people also have ADHD) then get that for her and help her keep all the positives, above, along with getting the help. If it turns out she doesn't need some kind of help, then this experience can also be used to help her understand the need for withholding judgment and being kind to kids who seem to be struggling (and who are often picked on at school for being different).

You will need to walk a very fine line here between supporting your child and attacking the teacher (at least in front of your child). You will want to have teachers in particular (and authority figures in general) end up with your daughter's respect after this incident passes. I have seen parents who in defending their kid also malign the whole authority structure of the school in front of their kids, and that sends the signal to the kid that no autority need be respected. In their teens this attitude will transfer that much harder to teachers, parents, and every authority figure, so handle this situation now in a way that doesn't set you up for worse problems later!

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

Wow, if a teacher dared to grab and yell, and possibly shake my kid, I'd take their a$$ to court, get them fired, etc... A bit extreme, some may say, but so is losing your cool with one of your students.

Answer 3

If you have proof such as copies of those tests, go above the principal's head. Go to the school board and tell them what is going on. This is your daughter's future, and the situation needs to be resolved. The principal could have put her in another class, but chose not to do so. Teachers are not there to diagnose illnesses. If they feel there is a problem, they can recommend testing, but that is all they can do. If you feel that your daughter does not have a medical issue going on, by all means stand your ground. And if that teacher ever touches your daughter again, press charges. I would.

Answer 4

This teacher seems rather unprofessional. I think you need to mediate the situation at home. Whatever assignments or tests that the teacher grades, have a look at them again at home.

Don't condemn the teacher in front of your child because it teachs your child to be defiant towards authority. We need to teach her that in life, there will be difficult people who will try to put us down. We can't escape from them but we can learn to handle the situation graciously. At the same time, do encourage your child and let her know that she didn't do as badly as the teacher supposedly graded her. Your child needs your support right now and you must encourage her the best you can.

Answer 5

I would try to get the teacher, princpal, counslor, last years teacher possibly in a meeting..but it sounds like everyone there is being uncoorportative already. I would go above and beyond the principals head and report things to the higher head. I would also have called the police to report the teacher on what they did to my child and press charges..it's not too late. They have no RIGHT NO RIGHT TO GRAP AND SHAKE YOUR CHILD. THEY should not be touching them unless they are about to cause harm to herself or another person. So with that said..call the school district talk to the superintendent and contact the local authorities and possibly a lawyer. It may seem rash but you need to protect your child and do whatever necessary..and you cannot allow this teacher to get away with this..they will continue to punish another child..they should not be teaching..this makes me so upset..to hear..good luck!

Answer 6

I know it is very tough. Kudos for not putting your child on ADHD medicine.  Kids are kids and need to move around and 'be kids'.

Sounds like you've got a rotten teacher there. Is there any way you can get your child into another teacher's class?  Perhaps this teacher is giving your daughter bad grades because of a grudge. Teachers are human and are not immune to things like that.

I would take your case to the school board if things don't improve. Good news is that the school year is almost over and you won't have to deal with that teacher again hopefully.

Answer 7

wow, it is hard to be a parent.

i do not have kids this age, and am not looking forward to it, so i can only speak from what i would hope to do.

i would use this as an opportunity to help your daughter learn to deal with difficult 'bosses'. (when was the last time someone asked to see your third grade transcripts? grades don't show everything you learned!) This will be one of the lessons that good parents, like you, teach their kids in school.

there are going to be people in her life that she is not going to like, and, are not going to like her. (who said teachers have to like everyone?) But, she has to learn to get along with them, or at least do what she can in the relationship to make it better. Although i am not saying that her teacher had a right to grab her, you have to be doing something to get grabbed (how many times do you feel like grabbing and shaking someone when they aren't doing anything?) Talk with your daughter about the importance of minding your P's and Q's when around someone like this. Her best bet is to sit back, be quiet, and learn what she can. Fourth grade is just a step away. Intervene only when it comes to not making it to fourth grade and also remember that when you hear stories about school from your daughter, you are hearing it from her perspective. I'm not saying she is exaggerating, she just has a different perspective and 9 year olds perpectives are often contagious. What I'm saying is, be careful that you are not taking your daughter's feelings for her teacher and fueling your own with them. Your relationship with her teacher is a business one, you are both on the same team that is educating your daughter! Try to start working as a team and don't get angry when she 'disagrees' with you.

good luck.

Answer 8

The reason 28 pages is important in math, rather than 28 is due to measurements used from now on, like feet, inches, etc. There has to be clarification. Although it should have been just a half point off though. What you need to do is switch teachers because there is obviously animosity between your daughter and the teacher. Since the principal did nothing, go above him. I'm sure a different teacher will fix this problem. And a lawsuit for even touching your daughter...

Answer 9

I would ask her to be moved to another class.  I had the same problem when my boy was younger and it was the teacher.  As far as the ADHD goes, bullcrap.  Don't let them put her on drugs.  That seems to be everyones answer these days and it's just wrong!!

Answer 10

I would first request a conference with the teach, prinicpal and counselor. Make sure everyone is there at the same time. Don't bring the child to this meeting though. This way you can show then the test that were marked wrong but indeed correct and you can then ask why this is happening and if there is anyway that she be removed from this class. Even if school is almost out this teach def. does not need your child in her classroom if you can tell that it is a problem only in her class. My child has ADHD and if your child had it you would be able to tell, With ADHD and no meds your child would be constantly on the move and never able to concentrate. Your child would never even be able to sit and study for test if the child had ADHD. If you wanted to you talk with her DR. about that but if you haven't seen any signs at home then I would stick with the assumption that there is a problem between teach and student. Good luck!

Answer 11

Well it is really late in the year to move her, but I would still do it.  She might feel like this about all teachers now.  All it takes is one bad teacher.  There is a really good book I read from the library called Bad Teachers.  I can't remember who wrote it, but it was a man.  Anyway I feel your pain.  My son has been treated really bad all year and there was no other class to put him in.  I would just reassure your daughter that she is smart and sit down with the teacher alone and talk to her.  Tell her how you really feel.  At the end of this year I am getting a card for my sons teacher telling her Thank you....for trying to bring my child down, but it didn't work.  Shame on these poor excuses for teachers they make me sick!!!

Answer 12

Let me first ask a question for you to ask yourself. Has your child always behaved this way or just with this teacher? I have a child that is ADHD and he has always been this way. I don't think that ADHD is something that just turns on like a switch. Even still, people are too quit to say ADHD. It wasn't until 6 months ago that I finally said, okay lets go for testing. My son is 8 years old. Even still I went for multiple opinions.

In my opinion, that teacher shouldn't be teaching.

Please sit down with your daughter and talk to her. My daughter had a horrid teacher one year and I sat down with her and explained that sometimes we get teachers that aren't that great. We just have to do the best we can, learn the most that we can, and get through the year. Not all teachers are this way. I basically told her that all though it is frustrating, she is going to have to just do the best she can. I would encourage her at home to love learning and realize that some people are just of the grumpy sort. I also empowered my daughter by telling her that she shouldn't give her teacher the power to make her feel bad. This does not mean disrespecting the teacher in any way, just know that her teacher is difficult and dispite the nit-pickyness your daughter is very bright.

As a parent, all we can do is encourage and advise our children on how to deal with difficult people.