My dilemma [part one]?

Question

what do you think of this..?

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I'm falling in love with a stranger,

Someone I met, once long before.

He made me laugh at all his jokes,

Until my stomach hurt from mirth.

I tried to treat him as a friend,

Although my heart thought otherwise.

My brain and heart, war begun,

for neither would hear the others words.

I fell asleep in rare despair,

For calm has always been my friend.

Tossing and turning, the covers flung wide,

Sleep eludes, I don't know why.

Gaily awaken, the smiles on my face,

Reason I wonder, no one but him.

For last night, I had the strangest dream.

We were together, me and him.

Answer 1

I think that this is really good. I do not like how you used only few words that make you think. Mirth and Gaily and Eludes. I think in one way that it is cool but when you read these words stick out. they do not really flow into the poem. They stick out to me. It does show that you do use other words.

But I do really love it. I can feel how she feels.

Answer 2

You're trying way too hard.  The meter is weird and some of the lines don't make any sense.

For example:

"I'm falling in love with a stranger,

Someone I met, once long before."

     -Long before what? Be concise.  

"Until my stomach hurt from mirth"

     -No one says this.  Mirth isn't an ailment.  Why did you choose that word specifically?  What are you actually trying to say.  

"I tried to treat him as a friend,

Although my heart thought otherwise.

My brain and heart, war begun,

for neither would hear the others words."

  -I get what you're trying to say, but again, you're trying to hard to make this POETRY, rather than just writing what you feel.  

"I fell asleep in rare despair,"

  -I wouldn't use "rare" and "despair" that close together.  The fact that they rhyme makes the sentence come across strangely.  

"Tossing and turning, the covers flung wide,

Sleep eludes, I don't know why."

   -If you are suddenly going to make this a rhyming poem, commit to it and be consistent.  The fact that this rhymes and little else in the poem does, is distracting.

"Gaily awaken, the smiles on my face,

Reason I wonder, no one but him."

     -I doubt you've ever in your life said "gaily awaken".  The second line doesn't make any sense.  Again, don't try to make this POETRY in capital letters.  The best poetry is not so heavy-handed.  I suggest reading the poetry of Robert Hass to give you some ideas about poetry can be lyrical without forcing itself on you.

Make sense?  Keep working on it!