My eating disorder is affecting our relationship. Can anyone relate?

Question

I have an eating disorder (EDNOS) and Body dismorphia. Also depression. Yes, I see a therapist and yes im on meds but ive hit a very low point this week.

If any of you have similar issues, then you know it's all about control and your life revolves around this obsession.

I can't leave the house and face the public if I have just binged or if I have gained weight or even if ive just at a normal meal. I have to feel empty..my stomach has to be flat. I feel fat instantly and feel bloated when i eat food. I feel guilty and disgusted in myself.. Ill either vomit or use laxatives and fast.

My bf and i see each other once a week. And i told him i couldnt see him because i cant leave the house. I binged more than usual this week so I am too insecure to even leave the house. I dont want him seeing me. I thought he understood but when i brought up going to university with my friend, he became paranoid and said you cancel plans with me but you're still going to uni.I explained to him i meant that i would go to uni after i see him. He still doesnt get it.

Im fasting now to make up for the binges. As long as i stick to it, ill be okay to leave the house and i already said i wanted to see him saturday before going to uni. He just doesnt get it.

I feel like a failure as a gf because im so messed up and i cant leave the house to see him. I feel like a burden. I feel like a freak.

Any advice?

Answer 1

When I decided to give up on my Eating Disorder and really deal with my own issues that stemmed from my childhood, everything started to come into the clear. It’s not about weight. It’s not about the ******* number. It’s not about what you ate. There’s something there. Go figure it out. Now that you know what the issue is, it’s not about what you ate or how pounds you want to loose. Everyone’s got their issues, and I’ve figured out mine through intensive therapy and expressive therapy sessions while I was in treatment with Walden Behavioral Care.

It’s tough. You’re only harming yourself. If you take a picture of you as a little kid, can you tell that kid that they are fat? Or that they are worthless? Or that they’d look better if they lost five pounds? Could you tell that kid they need to go on a diet? Or that they’d only be accepted if they were thinner? No. It hurts to say those sort of things to a child, especially when that child is yourself. It didn’t take long to understand that when I restrict, or use laxatives, or engage in other very unsafe behaviors, that I’m only hurting myself. Because it only takes one to survive. Sure, you may have a great support team and all that, but it’s you. You can decide if you want to recover. They can’t decide for you.

Answer 2

I have eatisnonstopus. I use to have anorexia and luckily i was cured. Than after awhile I just became addicted to food and just ate and ate and ate. It totally ruined mine and my girl friend relationship because i was getting to fat and she was shallow. My paycheck all goes to McDonalds, Dragon Gourmet chinese buffet, and fantasy gifts store. I went from weighing 127 pounds to a whopping 327 pounds. I'm depressed and I just sit around watching old episodes of Happy Days, while eating the family size bag of Ruffles. Lifes a *****. Ik