My eight-year old broke another child's collarbone. Should I send him to theraphy?

Question

My eight year old just broke another child's collarbone. Fortunately, the child’s mother is not pressing charges but is insisting on forcing my son into counselling. I’m a single father and I have absolutely no idea what to do. This is extremely out of character for him, since he’s never done anything like this, or anything even remotely bad for that matter. He’s a very shy and quiet kid and he’s had trouble making friends. I’ve asked him again and again why he did it and he claims it was because “he had to” and will not give me anymore details. I’ve asked the child what happened and he says that my son “got really angry for no reason and started throwing sand at people”, no other details. I’ve asked his teacher what the other kids said and apparently my son really did just “get angry for no reason”. I am extremely reluctant on sending him to counselling because he’s only eight.

Answer 1

Sounds like your son has some anger issues based upon him saying that he "had to" harm another child as he did.  If I were you I would take the suggestions of the teachers and the injured child's mother and seek counseling for your son before he gets worse.  Who knows the next time he may kill a child.

Answer 2

you are the parent:  ACT LIKE IT

something has obviously changed with your son enough for you to notice it - eating habits and alone time

it is not you or your sons fault right now - however if you do not do something about it now, IT WILL BE YOUR FAULT

he has broken another childs collarbone at 8 - what is he going to do at 18 without the NECESSARY and proper counseling and medical care?  mental illness is not something that one can grow out of - it does not even have to be mental illness, it could be a tumor in your son's head - so quite acting like a wuss, get off your butt, and take care of your son -

your son is 8, he does NOT know what is in his best interest in this matter - and if you do not take him for counseling AND to a medical doctor - i hope the other parent SUES you and reports you to DCF for child endangerment - and the school suspends your son for the rest of the school year and possibly the next school year as well - maybe that will get you over your 'extreme reluctance to send him to counseling'

you are a lazy lout of a parent for taking the easy way out - it is parents like you who create the problem with prison overcrowding!

you say:  "I know I should be the one deciding what to do, but all this just threw me off. One of the major things I worry about sending him into theraphy for is the drugs. I don't want him medicated only to grow up thinking that he has something wrong with him"

DAVE:  SOMETHING IS ALREADY WRONG WITH YOUR CHILD!!!!  RIGHT NOW, YOU NEED TO BE WORRIED ABOUT HOW TO FIX IT!!!  please get your head out of the sand for the sake of your child - obviously there is something going on with your son that makes him VERY UNCOMFORTABLE to talk about - whether someone is bullying him, he has some sort of medical problem, he has some kind of mental illness, which btw, IS A MEDICAL PROBLEM as well - get your son the help he needs NOW before he destroy's his life as well as yours for allowing and encouraging (by not taking any proactive action) these things to keep happening.

BTW:  ask yourself this:  how would YOU feel if someone had broken YOUR CHILDS collarbone?????  what would YOU want that parent to do??????  how long would it take you to SUE them???? - you should be glad he broke the collarbone of the child of a parent with such a good head on their shoulders and such a caring heart.  Otherwise this would be the start of a LONG Road of nothing but delinquency.

Answer 3

You know there is a problem with your son. Get him the help that he needs. If he's schizophrenic and needs to be medicated do it now before he hurts someone else. I would think that from his response he might hear voices telling him to do bad things. It does happen, even to children younger than him. As his parent you are responsible for him and if its in your power to help prevent a worse problem for him down the line, stop being in denial and help him. It doesnt mean hes retarded in some way or has anger management issues, but he does have "a" problem. Find out what it is by getting him the help he needs.

Answer 4

You say that the violence is out of character for him but what about the other behaviour?  Has he always been shy and have trouble making friends?  Are there any other things that are concerning you about him?  What happened BEFORE he acted out?  I don't just mean immediately, I mean earlier in the day.

It's not normal for anyone to act out like that but what if there's a problem (and I don't mean a parenting problem) that needs to be explored.  A counsellor of some sort is probably a very good idea.  

I'm no more an expert than anyone else here but I recommend looking at Aspergers syndrome.  

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/asp...

Answer 5

Something is going on... his eating habits have changed, he is acting out of character, those are 2 big signs that something is wrong.  

Not getting the counseling, as it was recommended by the school could prevent your son from returning to that school.  If the therapist is saying he will come to you, let him come to you.  If your son doesn't like him, find one who he does.

I am sorry to say that it sounds like there is a problem here that, by doing nothing, could result in even more problems as your child gets older.  Not every therapist will medicate you son.  Yes, he is only 8, but 8 year olds have problems too.  Especially if a violent act is what got you to this point, that violent behavior is bound to get worse if you do nothing.  Doing nothing is just like telling your child that what he did was OK.  You are giving him permission to do more violent acts later on.

Be the parent here, not the friend.  Take him to therapy or have someone come to you.  Get this stopped before it has a chance to get out of hand.

Answer 6

Dave, I agree with Ava's Mom, if you don't do something about it now, what's to say he won't do something worse when he's older?

My seventeen year old nephew just ramed my car into a fence and I'm pretty d**n sure its cause my brother was a shitass discipliner. I may not be an excellent parent/guardian/aunt/anything but I am telling you now if you don't do something about AN EIGHT YEAR OLD breaking a collarbone, then you're really gong to regret it.

Look, single-parenting is hard but you have to suck it up, okay? When I was a little kid, I used to have weird problems like pouring paint into people's hair and my mother never did anything about it. I spent the rest of my teenage years thinking that maybe there was something wrong with me but I was never sure because I NEVER GOT HELP. Okay? Then, I finally got theraphy and I was diagnosed as bi-polar.

Get him into theraphy. Its for his own good.

Answer 7

very shy quiet kids DO NOT BREAK other kids collar bones, how does that happen?  How does a child break the collar bone of another child and you say it's out of character??? Shame on you- teach that child violence is never the answer. He seems to have a lot of pent up anger and frustration you are unaware of, he needs the Lord not therapy.

Answer 8

sounds to me like a gang banging iniation talk to him now ,if he is shy maybe he has gotten him self into something like a gang just to fit in or peer pressure has made him do this, is he hanging out with older kids?if your worried about a professional counceler try a church they have programs that really help kids and its not as shameful to the child.and best of all you have the best man on the job in a church setting.he already knows whats going on with your son and already knows the best plan.

Answer 9

firstly you need more details, either from the children or the parents. you cant break a collar bone by throwing sand! was it a childish scuffle where the other fell over and broke it or your son pushed him? An 8 year old hasnt got the strength to just "break someones collarbone", and he certainly wouldnt have done whatever he did with the intention of breaking his bones. i think once you have more details you can assess this side of the situation more accurately. but as a one off i wouldnt be rushing my son to counseling if another child had injured himself through normal childhood playing or fighting.

that said, you do need to think about his other behaviour...there are many many reasons he might be displaying these symptoms..depression,attention seeking etc as well as more serious mental health conditions. dont assume it is going to be a serious mental health issue. they cannot medicate him without your consent so thats not an issue. why dont you look into family therapy so that you can tell your son that you both need to go so you can figure out the best way to be a little family..you dont have to tell him he's being assessed.

the other things you could do is sit and do an art session with him...ask him to draw him playing out with his friends and get him to describe things to you. you can do a drwaing of work or something and do the same. that way he wont feel intimidated and you can find out all sorts about how they think and act etc from this kind of activity. i was also once advised that boys are not good at sit down discussions and have found that to be fairly true. my boys are far more open when we are doing an activitiy or just driving in the car.

i wouldnt have thought the other parent can insist on you doing anything nor would they be able to press charges against your son, he is only 8 and is not legally accountable for his actions. so i think you can take a deep breath and decide for yourself without this worry hanging over your head.

i would get my son to make a card or a gift and take it to the other child and explain that he needs to show he is sorry the boy got hurt even if it wasnt intentional. this is a good way to make him face up to the situation and learn empathy.

you are not a bad parent, you are asking for advise, a bad parent assumes they do everything right and puts others down to make themselves seem more worthy.

Answer 10

Well, if he did indeed do this I'd say it was learned behavior. Maybe you didn't teach him to be violent, but your son has learned violence from somewhere. Counseling and doing the best you can to keep an eye of him is your best option in my opinion.

A child's punishment will not help much here because this was cleary a willful act of violence. May God be with you and your family at this time. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 11

Sit and talk with your pediatrician.  That's what they are for.  Get his advice before seeing a therapist.  I have known of some children doing out of character things just because of the foods they eat (extreme food allergies)...if you are not happy with advice from your pediatrician, get a second opinion.

Answer 12

can he have councelling at school. I would not be concerned about him "not wanting to" too bad. He broke another kids collarbone and now he has to suffer the consequences. He needs help. Something is going on and if you don't get to the bottom of it then the next parent who's child he hurts may not be too forgiving

Answer 13

One incident isn't enough to warrant counseling. There's just a limit of understanding that sometimes has to just remain untouched. I'm sure when he did it, he believed he had a good reason for it, and making him get counseling is just going to lead to him doubting himself. You should take his side, I think.

Answer 14

First of all, therapy doesn't mean drugs. Second, your child is eating different, wanting to be alone more, refusing to talk about the problem, and he hurt a kid for reasons you don't know. I agree with the mothers that he needs therapy. Something serious is going on with him and he needs help, even if he refuses to go. As the parent, you call the shots, not him. He needs help and you need to see that he gets it. Like you said, its therapy or pressing charges. Your son going to therapy is the much better option.

Answer 15

Have the counselor come to your house.  Your son needs help.  There is something going on and he needs it whether he thinks so or not.  You've got to get him the help.  You are the parent.  Don't have the school do counseling unless the school has trained psychologists.  A school counselor will not do.

Answer 16

Figure out what happened. Was it accidental? If so, shove it off and just remind him that he can't rough house like that. If it was provoked, both kids should go to counseling. If it was unprovoked, ground his *** for a month and get him strong help.