My engagement ring is not what i would ever want.?

Question

My now fiance gave me a ring that use to be his mother and fathers, they are divorced. The ring is not what i would have wanted or picked out. I also feel like its not my ring to begin with because it was his mothers. I want a ring to call my own. When i said something to him about it he got really upset and said "i knew you didnt like it" but i just want something to call my own and i would love to show off. The ring is gold with a good size dimond all i would want to do is get a differnet band, and get white gold because i personaly dont like gol or do i ever wear it. would that be wrong in doing because it was his mothers ring? im so confussed and unhappy with this. I need some advice please!!!!

Answer 1

You seriously need to express your unhappiness with him.  Tell him that you like the ring , but do not like what it's set in.  A new setting shouldn't cost too much.  You just need to talk to him about it.  It also may feel weird to have since his parents are divorced and you could express that you do not want to "jinx" your impending marriage by wearing the ring.  

When my fiancee and I were first looking for rings, my coworker (also divorced) offered to sell us her ring for half the cost.  I didn't want to jinx our relationship and politely declined.  I know the ring he's buying for me will not have as large of a diamond in it, but it just doesn't seem right to have a divorced person's ring.  It seems unlucky to me.

Answer 2

I think lots of people pass down their rings from their family. However, in your case it's a little more complicated than normal.

I'd suggest you check out this site. www.Advice.LoveDetour.com. you can ask experts questions like this. They are very helpful with questions.

Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

i think you are lucky that you are getting married, as a friend, i would tell you to shutup , get married dont hurt his feelings, and who is to say you can't change the ring later(after you are married), think of the future, there are poor kids dying all over the world and you are worried that your gold and diamond ring is not something you want to look at for the rest of your life! Perspective!

Answer 4

This is a ring you have to look at the rest of your life, it should be what you want!!! You need to be honest with your Fiance` and tell him. Maybe you two could compromise and you could wear the ring he gave you for the engagement ring, then you pick out your perfect wedding band you like! Maybe get a wedding band that is mixed white & yellow gold. It would probably mean alot to him if you wear it, but then you should be able to pick your band! Good Luck!

Answer 5

a couple of things here, on his behalf you need to consider why he gave you that ring instead of purchasing one. maby he wanted you to have a good ring but couldn't afford one of similar quality? maby it means alot to him that you would wear it as by doing so it becomes an heirloom? or maby he likes the significance it shows as a family piece of jewelry...that maby you are his family now! okay now on your behalf, I don't care for mine either! I love it as it is what he picked for me the size and everything is great! I just don't care for the setting I plan on waiting for our 5th wedding anniversary and am going to ask then if I can have it reset into a setting of my choosing (but with the same diamonds) so I can have the best of both worlds! maby you can come up with a similar compromise! (I would ask him why he chose that ring no matter what because maby his reasoning will give the gift some sentimental value which seems to be what you are seeking the most!

Answer 6

Your engagement ring is something that you should be proud to wear and to show off.  This is a hard situation.  I think that you need to delicately let your sweetie know that you love him very much, but that you  would like to have a ring that is only yours.  You want to be the first and only one to wear it.  Tell him that you would be proud to honor the loving memories that the ring brings to him, but that you would also like to be true to yourself and have a new 'look' for the ring.  Something that you both would love.  See if you can go together to find a new setting.  Something that you can pick out together that would be a memory for the both of you to cherish for years to come.  Tell him that you would like to start a chapter of memories, beginning with this ring.  Good Luck.........be happy!!!

Answer 7

I would be happy with whatever ring my man gave to me because it came from him and that is all that matters. Stop being so selfish. It IS something to call your own. I would apologize to him and re-think about marrying him or more like HE should re-think about marrying YOU.

Answer 8

Well congratulations! Think of it this way.. The man wants to marry you and thinks you are the one for him.Isn't that something by itself. If a ring can disturb you and make you unhappy so much, are you sure you are prepared for a marriage? Honey, think differently. 20yrs from now you will have a heirloom for your daughter and you can tell her that it is such a special thing that belonged to her grandma and dad has special attachment that he proposed with it.

We will not always get what we want but we can chosse to be happy with what we got. You want to show off... Is that really more important than him loving you. Show him off.

Answer 9

I understand totally what you are saying.  You deserve the best and especially something that you like and will be proud to wear without second guessing it.  

I would wear it for now and then when you get married hopefully he will have another set to call your own.  

I wouldn't want a hand me down wedding ring or engagement ring.  I can understand if he didn''t have a lot of money and he's saving up for another ring.  For now smile and be greatful but suggest that he give you a ringof your own.

Besides it was from his mom & dad and look at them now...divorced....don't bring that bad luck into your marriage!

Answer 10

Your fiance is wrong to make you feel bad about this... this is a ring you will wear everyday for the rest of your life... you need to LOVE it!

My advice?  Keep the diamond definitely... not doing this is grounds for offending him and his mother.  Then have the diamond set in a band that you absolutely adore.  Return the original band to his mother, in case she would like to keep it for someone else in the famly or have it set with another stone for herself.  

Good luck!

Answer 11

OK having a ring that belonged to his mom is actually good

look at it this way k when you have kids you can pass that ring down as a family air loom plus the d**n ring ain't what matters you can have all the rings in the world but what really matters is the love yal share and the things yal make together as buying a home raising kids that's what should matter so just accept the ring and be happy with each other not what you have on your finger

Answer 12

You should just cancel any marriage plan cause it's already starting so bad ! It's so selfish from your part to even be talking like this !!!!!!!! It's just a d**n ring ! Marriage is not about the ring ! You can have a very nice ring or whatever you wanted, and the marriage to last 3 month !Beside since when it's the woman that has to choose the ring? You are even lucky to have somebody propose to you ! You made a big mistake by saying something to him , if i was giving something to someone and it came from my mother , that person has to be the most special person ever to me !!  But hey that is just me !! There is so many things to worry about in this world this days and you the hardest time you are having is acting like a little girl and trowing a tantrum for a d**n ring? My grand mother that raise me didn't have any engagement ring , and she spend 50 happy years with my grand father , i hope when you finaly get the so special ring , the kind that you can show off !! You get to see those 50 years ! (ummmm nope will never happen !) Cause it's obvious that you are living for others and just want to show off ! Let's hope those people help pay for the divorce ! Oh yeah ! Just forgot you will have a fabulous ring you can sale for that !

Answer 13

You're not wrong, and this isn't uncommon. It can be hard to predict what style of jewelry another person will like, ESPECIALLY when that piece of jewelry is to be worn for the rest of that person's life. The engagement ring is a gift to you, and while you should express proper gratitude at the gesture, there is nothing wrong with asking for a change. You're the one who has to wear it, no matter how much you love him.

You should sit down with him and have a frank, gentle conversation about why the ring doesn't suit you:

"Bill, I need you to hear me out without taking this personally or getting upset. I love that you picked this very personal ring for me, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But I will be wearing this ring for the rest of my life, and this one doesn't suit me. I look at it and I feel like I'm wearing a ring made for your mother, not for me, and even though I love her we have different tastes in jewelry. I always wear white gold or silver, and I feel really self-conscious about this yellow gold band. I'd like to have this beautiful diamond reset into a white gold band. What do you think about that?"

If he responds calmly and is willing to discuss it, you're in business. But if he flies off the handle, tries to make you feel guilty, or takes it as a personal attack, you should seriously consider what kind of relationship you have with this man.

If you can't have a civil conversation about the ring material, what's going to happen when really big issues - children, finances, etc - are at stake?

Answer 14

i think you should be honest with yourself and with him.  if you know its not you...then tell him.  its not about the stone...its just the band.  that is a simple and reasonable change.  gold is outdated and you should have something fresh that represents yalls relationship not his parents.  its not like he spent a ton of money and you are being spoiled.  yes it is special, but i have many friends that used family jews and designed a new band to make it their own.  i think it would be perfectly fine to design a new band together that represents yalls relationship.  just let him know that you are grateful and appreciative but it does not fit you...  this is a ring that you will wear every single day for the rest of your life.  i think yall both want to be overjoyed with it.  i would talk about it and move on to the wedding plans! : )

Answer 15

I would be happy with whatever my man gave me as long as it was done with love. Its that thought that counts not the carats. I would love to have a generation ring. I think its more personal. I want to make my engagement ring a generation. I think its cool. I can see why your boyfriend would be offend cause I would be offend too.

Answer 16

There are many options you could look at. If  it is just the type of gold you want to change then you could just take it to a jewelry store to have it rhodium plated (all 'white' gold is is rhodium plated yellow gold. there is no such thing as white colored gold).

   If your man is concerned about cost maybe you could use the gold and the diamond and have a different ring made out of it. This is also a great solution to getting something that is 'your own' while still sticking with your grooms sentimentality, if thats what his issue is.

   I would personally have it changed or look into selling this one to get one that you like better. I would not want to wear an engagement ring that belonged to a divorced woman, even if she is my future mother in law.

   I do not think that you are out of line asking your groom to work with you on this, it is the most important piece of jewelry you will ever wear except the wedding band itself, you should be happy with what you will have to wear for the rest of your life.

Answer 17

It is wrong to change the ring. It's something that was so important to your fiance that he decided to give to you as a symbol of your love. If you don't like it, give it back but be prepared for all the consequences that may come with that.

Answer 18

ur fiance needs to dump u

u should be glad that someone loves u enough to marry u, stop being selfish

Answer 19

To pass down an engagement ring that belonged to an unsuccessful marriage carries all kinds of negative inferences. He needs to understand your feelings, but you also need to understand that he loves his mother, and probably wanted to pass down something of hers to you. The two of you need to have a long talk about this, maybe get his mother's stone reset in your kind of band.

Answer 20

explain you like the thoughtfulness behind the ring, & ask him if you guys could use the diamond, and have the band melted down (they can coat it in white gold). that way you can still feel like you had a say in the ring you plan on wearing the rest of your life. you can chose the setting and the band this way. it would still be her ring, but uniquely yours :)

good luck!

Answer 21

Its not supposed to be about the ring as much as it is supposed to be about the meaning of it. Ask if it would hurt him to much to get it reset in a different band. He is hurt because he isn't thinking about how your feeling about wearing it for the rest of your life, he is thinking about the meaning behind it. Just try to put yourself in his shoes and go from there

Answer 22

This is your ring now...And tell him that you love the ring and the thought behind it but that you would like a different setting for the stone and see what he says....He may be okay with it or he may not...More than likely he has had it determined a long time ago that he was going to give that ring to the person who he loves more than anything....I would have loved a family ring (I also love my ring)  But now that the ring is on your hand and he has given it to you it is your ring!!!!  Show off the bling and be happy he wants to be with you forever!!!

Answer 23

Don't feel badly because you want a ring of your own or that you don't like what he chose.

Sit your fiance down & calmly tell him what you just told us.

That you want something that you can call your own.  Tell him all you want is a more modern setting that fits your personality & likes.  Personally, I don't think that's too much to ask.  This is something that you will treasure for the rest of your life & it is important.

BUT,

You both are going to have to realize that this is trivial compared to what you will face during your marriage.  

You aren't meant to be clones because you're marrying.  You're still going to have different tastes & likes and disagree.  It has nothing to do with your love and the commitment  you make.  So learn from this.  Talk compromise, work towards a win-win solution.