Question:

My ex-boyfriend wants me to be his friend still and help him now after years of lies and cheating... help!!

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This is kind of a complicated long story, but I'll make it short. I really need some outside opinions. I hope you can help!

I was with a guy for 2.5 years, most of which was long distance. Everything was great, I moved down near him after 2 years and we were both extremely excited about it, but then he got really cold and started treating me badly. We fought a lot and he finally dumped me over something really stupid, and so I figured we'd get back together after some time because I assumed the coldness was due to a busy schedule. Just recently I found out he had been dating another girl for about 1.5 years of our relationship! He had dumped her just before I came down, but continued to see her sexually keeping her under the impression he still liked her to prevent "hurting her". He also had another 3rd girl on the side as well that he strung along for a year but never dated. Obviously, I was pissed and so was the other girl when we found out about each other since he was telling her he wanted to be with her again and the same to me. When I confronted him he demanded I tell her I made it all up because he loved her and not me. I was shocked, especially since two days earlier he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. It really came out of no where for me because I had been so far away. Now she wants nothing to do with him and has moved on to someone new, and he is devastated. I had stopped talking to him for a week or so but he insisted we remain "friends." It's been my duty as a "friend" to listen to him talk about his heart break over this other girl that he still loves while saying he's surprised she got over him so fast, and that he doesn't see how she could just up and leave him because he just made this one "mistake". I don't understand how he can be so insensitive to me and tell me these things when he did the same thing to me, dropping me after 2.5 years! He says he's thankful to have me as a friend still, but he sure doesn't treat me thankfully or act like it, it's almost as if he takes me for granted. I've tried to leave him all together a couple times, but he's very persistent on making me stay his friend. I care about him a lot and I've remained his friend through it all. It's not fair to me and I know I'm being stupid, and I should just ignore him and drop him out of my life, but it's really hard because he really has no one else that he's close to. It sucks because she never really truly cared for him the way I did. I made a lot of sacrifices for him, and even he says he realizes now that I loved him more. Yet, he still claims he fell out of love with me a while ago and fell back in love with her a month ago, and that he thought she loved him more because they were always together physically and I couldn't be because I was 18 hours away. Again, it hurts hearing that because that was out of my control and when I did come down he didn't give me the attention I deserved or the chance to see him as often because he still had 2 other girls on the side. I personally think he's just confused because people want what they can't have and she doesn't want him and hasn't for a month now, and that's about the time he started to like her again. It's the chase. Now, he tells me that he still has some feelings for me and wants to see what happens when we get back to college. I doubt I could have have a relationship with him again because he shattered all trust and broke my heart, but it's tough that he doesn't even seem to care that he lost me romantically while he's all miserable about losing her as everything. By the way, the 3rd girl involved forgave him and they remained friends because she has a new boyfriend anyway, but she refuses to let him talk about the other girl and discuss the situation. He keeps telling me he wants to move on from his other ex, but I have a funny feeling that deep down he wants this other girl to come back into his life and when/if she does he'll just drop me as a friend - which he denies. So far I've been the only one he could turn to and ironically he hurt me the most (which he doesn't agree, he of course thinks he hurt the other girl the most because they were together close distance). It's hard to be his friend because we fight a lot and he doesn't understand why when he says things about being upset that she's gone and how hard it is to move on, that I know EXACTLY what he means because that's how I feel about him. Keep in mind this has all happened within the last 3 weeks. I guess my question here is: If I continue to support him and be his friend will he ever recognize what he lost in me as a girlfriend and fully appreciate the friend I have been? Or will I just end up a fool who got her heart broken and then taken for granted as a friend as well?

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4 ANSWERS


  1. Dump him. "No one can take advantage of you without your permission." Stop giving him permission.


  2. Tell him to F- OFF

  3. Sorry, sweetie, but you're being used. Drop him--he's just making excuses to be with other girls.

  4. duh dump him like a bad habit and never look back

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