My ex died in a terrible accident. I'm sad all the time. what to do??

Question

My ex got in a car crash last week Thursday night (14th August) coming back from hanging out with friends. He died instantly.

I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. I cant stop thinking about him, I look at his pictures all the time, have conversations with him in my mind, sleep in his clothes, feel like crying in odd times like when i'm walking down the street or sitting in the office (like now).

We shared a lot of good times together but we split up mostly because I didnt think a marriage was the best thing for us. Now I feel like maybe I didnt appreciate him enough while he was around, I turned down his proposal more than once, i even turned down his offer to go to the beach the weekend before he died. I saw him the same weekend before and we had a good time but we even said our goodbyes again because of me. Now I miss him so much and wonder if things could have been different had i given him a chance. I know its a wasted thought but I cant help thinking it.

Do u guys have any tips on how to handle things? Anybody with similar experiences?

Answer 1

I don't think your sadness is due to you 'missing' him so much as you second-guessing your choices with him.

Your grief is very powerful right now and it will make your mind think things that normally can be understood and broken down.  But now, he is not here to listen to your explanations.  Not here to prove to you that you were right in your decisions to end the relationship.  Not here to let you scream at, to release your anger at him leaving so soon.

Everything you are feeling is normal.  Don't cure normal.  This is a new, open wound that will take a lifetime to heal.  The best thing you can do is honor his memory by never forgetting.  Never forget the person you loved, the man you were with.  Never forget the little things that made you laugh and angered you so much.  Never forget WHY you chose to leave.  There was a reason, and it was good, for it saved you a possible lifetime of pain and regret, for different reasons.

Don't second guess your decisions in this life.  They were made for a reason and good or bad they are finished.  You loved him and you cared for him.  He knew that and so did you.  Keep loving him and remember, just never forget.

Good luck to you, sweetheart.  I am so sorry.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear that.  I am afraid of experiencing the same thing all the time.  It was my grandpa who died two years ago and it was very sad.  I am here in the US and he was in Japan and I found out that he passed a week after his funeral. I did not even know that he died or there was his funeral till I got back from the trip to visit my in laws for Christmas. My mom did not want me to know that he passed because I have a family of my own here in the US and I am the only one who is here and all of my famiies are  in Japan.  So you know, even if  Iwanted to go back, I would not have been able to because it would have been too expensive to go back and I just had my second boy and he was four months old at that time.   I cried a lot.  There were a lot of times that I burst in to tears because I could not do anything for him at all.  I feel bad that I did not go back to Japan with my kids, you know.  So I wrote a letter to him and asked my mom to bury it with my grandpa's ash so that he would know how I felt.  I think that helped with the grief process.

There is nothing you can do, but miss him right now.you will start feeling better  somehow.  There are so many things that you could have done differently and yes, you will feel bad about it, but things hapeended and you know what, that is how it should have been.  At least it is good that you miss him/  It is not like you are glad that he passed because you were so sick of him or anything like that, you know.

Good luck.  Pray for you.

Answer 3

When i was 16 I had my 1st love. His name was Brent and he was anything and everything i could ever ask for. I lost m virginity to him and he was my first everything. We were the perfect couple.

September 25, 2005 Brent was at his friends house and his friend wanted to show him this gun. Brent said, "What are you doing with that you aren't going to shoot anybody." His friend said "Wanna bet" He took all of the bullets out and put one back in and shot Brent in the chest. Brent died while the paramedics were trying to bring him back.

When I got the call It was a Sunday night and I remember everything...what i was wearing where I was everything. They told me that Brent had died and i FLIPPED I missed about 6 months all together of school, i slept all day, I tried to go to school but i saw him everywhere I went. Everyone had a newspaper and his face was right on the front page. He LOVED The Axe Kilo body spray the green kind...when i would think of him i would smell it. The smell would not go away. It went on for about a year until I knew i could live with out it and deal.

To this day I don't believe he's gone. I miss his huge beautiful smile. I never got to say goodbye.

But life does go on and you just need to keep going on with your normal life. It was not your fault. The feeling of sorrow will fade but never truely go away. You just learn to deal with it more. Would he want you to feel this way? I'm sure he wouldn't. I have comfort in the fact that I know that Brent is up there in his new car ( He LOVED his car!) and just riding free the way he wanted.  

Answer 4

Yes things would have been different, but you can't change what you did.  Thinking about it now is normal, but try to start focusing more on what you can do from now on, not what you could have done.

Just because you didn't marry him, doesn't mean you wont miss him or have feelings.

Answer 5

You did what you thought was right for yourself, and his dying doesn't change that. You miss him now because he is gone forever, and your feelings that your having are normal. I think it is good to grieve for him, it is normal, just don't let yourself be over taken by what ifs, because you wouldn't chose to make a bad decision for yourself just because tomorrow the decision might not be there to make.

Stop beating yourself up. You haven't done anything wrong.