My ex has a new girlfriend and I'm devestated!?

Question

I just found out tonight that my ex has a new girlfriend. He and I were together for 7 long years and also have two kids together so I have to see him pretty often. The problem is that we haven't been broken up that lomg (just a couple of months) and I still love him deeply although I know we didn't have a healthy relationship. So when I found out about this other woman tonight it just broke my heart. I don't think you van ever prepare for that kind of news! I'm so sad right now, I can't stop crying. I'm angry too! After all he put me through he can just move on to someone else and I'm here raising our kids by myself with no prospects b/c I never get to go out to meet men!! Its so unfair. How do I deal with this? I don't want to be a mess all day tomorrow b/c my kids need me but I'm really going through it right now. Any advice?

Answer 1

You actually have your own good advice if you can only see it.  You said you were in an unhealthy relationship.  Your kids need you.  

You know the problems and what you need so be strong for both you and your kids.  You are better off without him.  

Answer 2

sometimes you just have to feel what you feel in order to get it out of your system and move on.

so go ahead and cry.  mourn the loss of your fantasy life with him and then remember what made your relationship with him bad.  Understand that because he's moved on so quickly, he likely will treat this woman the same way he treated you.  So depending on how short her fuse is, she may last about 7 years too before he moves on to someone else.

take about a year off from dating or even thinking about dating and just focus on your life with your kids.  Towards the end of that date free year, start thinking about what kind of characteristics you would like your life partner to have and how you would like him to treat you and your children, then when you are ready to start dating again, look for men who have those qualities you said you wanted.  When you do start dating, don't introduce the guy to your kids unless you're sure he's going to hang around for a long time--they don't need to meet everyone you date, they only need to meet the one who decides he's going to hang around.

Things will get better.  Good Luck.

Answer 3

Couple of months seem like the right time to find other people. You are being unfair and the fact that you still have feelings for him is what is causing you to break down. Get over him because you both divorced for a reason and there's no going back.

Answer 4

For your kid's sake.........get ahold of your self and raise your victim's self esteem up so your kids will have at least one healthy SELF RESPECTING person to look up to as their role model.  You are the grown up in their lives so be one!  

It's just your own bad/low self worth that's got you down about what he does/did and your kids do not need to see a beaten/victim/pathetic Mom.....they need something better and more confident from you.

Answer 5

I think what you're feeling is pretty normal. You feel betrayed because he left you and your kids and now hes having fun. It is not fair that (some)men can walk away from their responsibilities without a second thought. But one thing you need to remind yourself of, you have something more important and priceless than what he has...two beautiful children that are going to need their mother even more now. You need to be there for them because they are probably hurting as much, if not more, as you. You will get throught this.   Good luck

Answer 6

The only way to cope is to just start coping! we have to for our kids sake, get back by being happy yourself and your the only one who can make that happen. Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

God, I've been there. How do you deal with it? Unfortunately you have to deal with it. You can't push it under the rug or you will never heal. That is one of the worst feelings ever...being confronted with the happy image of an ex and his new love. It is heartbreaking. I remember when I found out...I had to pull over to the side of the road because I could not see through my tears. I couldn't understand how he could move on so quickly when I felt so much! I cried it out, I wrote in a journal, I vented to family/friends, and cried again. You need to face it head on or you will never get past it. I promise one day it won't hurt as much, and you'll be able to smile again. Good luck!  

Answer 8

I know what your going through, my ex and I broke up like 10 months ago and i still cringe a little if he mentions another woman (we are trying to be friends, so we talk). The first couple of months, though, if I had heard about anyone else, I wanted to vomit, it was like someone ripped my heart out! I think the only remedy is time. I know it stings now, but trust me, as time goes by it hurts less and less.

Answer 9

Wow.

I wish I had better advice as I know this must be rough. But, just focus on the kids for now. Try and involve yourself in their lives more and do more hobbies/activities with them.

After awhile, you won't even be thinking about him and you'll be able to move onto to a life of your own.

Answer 10

I know you didn't sign up for raising the children alone,but there are many single parents that are dealing with this,as i did,years ago.It's hard,but time heals us,so enjoy your kids,take good care of yourself,& if possible,when you feel better off without your b/f,get a sitter or family to care for the kids,& go to a parents without partners meeting & dance.You'll feel less alone when you can socialize with other single parents.

Answer 11

Get over it.  He didn't think enough of you or your children to even bother marrying you.  He is irresponsible and will probably use this new girlfriend as well.

Answer 12

i can understand ur really hurt u have a good cry get it all out ur system if he can move on allready hes not worth making yourself ill over and like u said ur boys come first . as 4 ur ex u will prob find this relationship wont last long its prob on the rebound men dont like being single 2 long . i think in the end u will end up a lot happier than him trust me .

Answer 13

well i guess your goina die when you find out shes having his baby and that they are talking about getting married.  

Answer 14

He is an a*****e, if he found a girl that fast. He obviously doesn't respect what the two of you had together or he is too less of a man to admit he's hurt.

Focus on your children. You can cry for some time, but son't waste your enery on that S.O.B. Use that time to raise your children. The guy will get what's coming to him.

Answer 15

first of all how old are you and how old are the children?

you know time heals all eventually when you do find someone that will treat you good you will look back and realize what a waste of time it was crying over a jerk...and then you will realize that it wasnt really worth it feeling depressed and all...i know its hard but you will get over it we all do