My ex-husband gave my daughter a diamond ring!!?

Question

My ex and I broke it off 2 years ago in a pretty bad way, to say the least. He has my 6 year old daughter on the weekends (he only lives a few miles away).

Knowing full well that it would be inappropriate, he bought my daughter a titanium and diamond ring for her 6th birthday. She came home on Sunday evening with it on a necklace. When I called him later to tell him that she's only 6 years old and that was just totally wrong of him to give her something like that, he said that he doesn't care, it's his money, his decision.

I understand that it's his decision but she has no idea how expensive that is and screams and cries that she wants to wear it to school. I know there is a high chance that she will lose it. When I told THAT to my ex, he says that he'll buy her a new one if she ever loses it. (he happens to be much wealthier than I am) When I told him that she throw a tantrum every time I make her take it off, he tells me that I should deal with it, that maybe I am a bad parent because at his house, she never acts that way.

What the h**l am I supposed to do? My ex-husband is clearly being unreasonable right?? I have no idea what to do, please help!

Answer 1

After all  it is his money. The ring did not cost you anything. Let her wear it, if she looses it he said that he will buy her a new one. No skin off of your back....right?

You might try to take her to the mall and let her pick out an inexpensive ring that she likes. She might just want to wear that one to school instead of the expensive one. Kids are funny that way.

Answer 2

I agree with box of rain. Let her wear it, and if she loses it, it's her thing to deal with, and when she gets a new one (because your ex sounds flippant and careless enough to go out and buy her a new one), she'll be more cautious about it.

You can't tell him what to buy her.That's just asking for a fight. And it's worse to try and get her over temper tantrums daily when you're seen as the "bad guy" who's taking something her daddy gave her. Pick your battles. The little ones, let go.

Answer 3

i dont think that he is being unreasonable...I mean, he did buy it with HIS money for HIS daughter. I dont think that you should so protective of the ring also, let her wear it to school and he clearly states that he will buy another one if she loses it...I think you are over thinking it...now if you are teaching your daughter morals and the meaning of money, then you can be mad..he is totally s******g up with your message to your little girl, but if not, let him spend his money. I also think you are mad because you fear that she will like him more than you being that he is giving her these expensive things and the fact that she is six years old and she knows no better...relax...

Answer 4

Put it up and let her wear it only on special occasions or to his house.  You can't tell him what to buy or what not to buy her and if that's how he wants to spend his money. I would just try and help her take care of it.  Tell him just in the future buy her something suited more for a 6 year old.

Answer 5

Be the mother. In your home your daughter follows your rules.

Obviously in his he lets her have what she wants to try and play the good guy.

As long as she wears it in your home I would put my foot down right now at this age before she grows up and starts this c**p with bigger issues.

You know she is going to lose it, buy her a pretty jewelry box and tell her to keep it there when she's at school and she can put it back on when she gets home. Perhaps she can compromise.  

Answer 6

First, I think it is unfair for you to tell your ex what he can buy for his daughter.  Allow your daughter to wear it on special occasions and explain to her why.  Buy an inexpensive piece of jewelry that she can wear to school, and allow her to pick it out. I'm sure she will be fine with it.  Be glad he is and can buy things for her, because there are ALOT of deadbeat dads out there who don't take responsibility for their kids!

Answer 7

can you explain to her that it should only be worn on special occasions and that it is very expensive

if that still doesn't help maybe you could play bate and switch,  

Answer 8

  Mae ! You say  your ex gave  your child a diamond, right ?

Tell  me this, is she  his child too? Secondly, dont you think that this stone was  meant for You?  So what if this and all others he gives her just mysteriously disappears ?

Dont get mad about this! just let her keep bringing home the bacon

"stones" and do what you have to.

Answer 9

Umm, excuse me, but do you or your Ex live in Utah?

Answer 10

PUT Your foot down lady,your the mom.tell her she not taking it to school,for whatever reason.She can't cry blood.She's a kid.Tell the Ex what he do in house ok.But you running things in yours.She six and taking you through this now,wait six more years.She'll be living with dad.because he lets her have her way.Your probably whine up being the bad parent.But you got set ground rules,and get her listen to you.Because dad don't care.

Answer 11

dont make her take it off. you are over reacting. i am a mother of 3 girls and i would be thankful if thier dad bought them something period. if she looses it then he will get a new one, after she looses 3 or 4 of them he will learn his lesson. its his money let him spend it. its ok dear. let her wear it to school.just expalin to her that she cannot take it off for no one.

Answer 12

buy a fake one that looks like it and pull the old swit-eroo to keep it safe...if you really want to you can pawn it.lol

Answer 13

You can't do anything.  I think you should just leave it alone.  Over the years, there will be many things your ex will do for your daughter that you don't approve of or agree with, and you just have to learn that you have no control or say over it, so you just have to live with it.

The only circumstances under which you really have any right to pull up your ex on his decisions in relation to your daughter is if it in any way puts her in danger (either emotionally or physically).  A diamond ring is the least of your worries.  I would leave it alone and leave it between him and her.

Answer 14

Sounds to me like he's trying to buy her.

Answer 15

Let her wear it and lose it.

It will be a valuable learning opportunity for her.

Then do not listen to helper. He/she obviously does not have any children.

Answer 16

Why are telling him what he can and can't give his daughter? He's your ex. If she looses it, you can tell him "I told you so!" Stop getting between a dad and his daughter. It will back fire and she will resent you.

Answer 17

A titanium diamond ring for a little 6 year old is inappropriate no matter how much she wants to wear it.  As a mom you have a responsibility to teach your daughter the value of material things.  A 6 year old cannot grasp that concept.  All she knows is that it is pretty.  You also have to consider what effect this has on her friends when they see her wearing something like this and their parents can't afford it.

This is not about the father having the "right" to get his daughter whatever he wants to get her and that if the daughter loses it he'll just replace it because money is no object.  That is not teaching values, that is teaching irresponsibility.

He also doesn't understand that schools have policies in place that prohibit students from bringing expensive valuables to school should they get stolen or compromise the child's safety.    She is going to a school where there are 11 and 12 year old pupils attending who are capable of recognizing expensive items. This could put her in a potentially dangerous situation.  I would not allow my son to wear a Rolex to school nor carry with him large sums of money just because he wants to.

You have 2 options here.  Allowing your daughter to wear this diamond ring ( to show if off likely) at school is not one of those options.

* return the ring back to the father and ask him to purchase something more appropriate for a 6 year old little girl.  Tell him what you are trying to teach your daughter.

* allow her to wear the ring but only around home under your supervision.

In my opinion your ex is trying to get at you by using the daughter.  He is trying to buy her love and affection.  By doing this it makes you the bad one.  No responsible father would buy his little 6 year old daughter a diamond ring.  He buys them Barbies or doll houses for goodness sake.  The reality is that what goes on in his place is his business and what goes on in your home is your business.  The next time she throws a temper tantrum and will not listen to reason then the ring goes into the drawer until she smartens up.  Just remember that you are the adult.

* Just a little more advice.  If your ex is the biological father of the child I would stop referring to the daughter as "my" daughter.   It is "our" daughter.  He is as much the parent of the child as you are.  I understand that the circumstances in which you and your husband split were not good but as long as you continue thinking in terms of "my daughter" you run the risk of putting your daughter in the middle of an already tense situation.  Your daughter doesn't need to be a ping pong ball.   Good luck.

Answer 18

He is as much her parent as you are, and as such, has the right to buy her jewelry if he so chooses.  If she loses it, it's his financial loss, not yours.  What's the big deal?  It sounds like you might be jealous that he can give her something you cant.  Just lighten up.  

Answer 19

hUBBY OS 100 PERCENT TOtALLY RIGHT, wHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE. iS kID BEHAVING AND HAPPY AND HEATlHY? tHAT IS ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT. iT IS your ISSUE. HE IS SPOILING HER. sO WHAT. iF YOU CANNOT, DON;T. sHE WILL TURN ON YOU FOREVER IF YOU KEEP THIS UP. stop  

Answer 20

pull the switch and pawn as mentioned by another here and you can be arrested for theft.  I would even go as far as to say that he might be setting you up for something like that.  

I agree, let her wear it and lose it.  Stay out of it.  Who the heck cares how many dumb rings that he buys the child?  It is a thing.  

Answer 21

Don't interfere.

Like every 6 year-old, she'll get bored with it in a few days and take it off. It'll end up under the couch or in her toy box.

But if you keep talking about it (especially with high emotions attached), she'll never take it off.

Back off, change the subject & talk about the new Bratz dolls that just came out!

Answer 22

Well this what I would do.  I would go ahead and let my daught wear it.  Let her wear it to school if she loses it then she will learn the importance of not taking thing you like to school.  My daughter lost well had a watch stolen from school last year.  She had to wear it, and amazingly it taught her how to take better care of her things.  

but if he has the money to replace it and obviously doesn't care to.  I would let her wear it.  He seems to be trying to buy her affection but spending money on things she really don't need.  There is nothing you can do about it.  But if he chooses to waste his money on things like that let him.  

Answer 23

Let her keep it on. It's something her dad gave her to always wear... That's being kinda selfish of you to tell her, to take it off. My parents bought me, a ring for my 16th & i don't take it off..... Let her, keep it on.  

Answer 24

No, I don't think you are bad parent.You done the right thing for your daughter.Your ex should realise that money not can give anything including happiness.Another reason he should think is if somebody want to hurt your daughter because of the diamond,you never knows.Maybe you need to talk and explain it more to your daughter why you don't want her to wear it at school but she can have at home.

Answer 25

It was his present to her.

I think deep down you are jealous because you never got something that expensive when you were married to him.

Sorry but that is how I see it.  

Oh and she will lose it for sure, and your ex will feel stupid for spending the money.  I think a perfect "I told you so" will feel really good for you :)  

Answer 26

i agree let her wear it .if she loses it he will her a new one.he is trying to play you..knowing that you will not let her wear it because you know what it cost..so let him worry about how much he spends..turn this around on him and do not worry about money.he don't so you should not eighther.as long as he is going to keep giving..take.